F74» 

THE  SHOW  SHOP 

BY 

JAMES  FORBES 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  St.,  New  York 


THE  REJUVENATION  OF  AUNT  MARY. 

The  famous  comedy  in  three  acts,  by  Anne  Warner.  7  males,  3 
females.  Three  interior  scenes.  Costumes  modern.  Plays  2%.  hours. 

This  is  a  genuinely  funny  comedy  with  splendid  parts  for  “Aunt  Mary,” 
“Jack,”  her  lively  nephew;  “Lucinda,”  a  New  England  ancient  maid  of  all  work; 
“Jack's”  three  chums;  the  Girl  “Jack”  loves;  “Joshua,”  Aunt  Mary's  hired 
man,  etc. 

“Aunt  Mary”  was  played  by  May  Robson  in  New  York  and  on  tour  for  over 
two  years,  and  it  is  sure  to  be  a  big  success  wherever  produced.  We  strongly 
recommend  it.  Price,  60  Cents. 


MRS.  BUMSTEAD-LEIGH. 

A  pleasing  comedy,  in  three  acts,  by  Harry  James  Smith,  author  of 
“The  Tailor-Made  Man.”  6  males,  6  females.  One  interior  scene.  Cos¬ 
tumes  modern.  Plays  2%  hours. 

Mr.  Smith  chose  foi<  his  initial  comedy #  the  complications  arising  from  the 
endeavors  of  a  social  climber  to  land  herself  in  the  altitude  peopled  by  hyphenated 
names— a  theme  permitting  innumerable  complications,  according  to  the  spirit  of 
the  writer. 

This  most  successful  comedy  was  toured  for  several  seasons  by  Mrs.  Fiske 
with  enormous  success.  Price,  60  Cents. 


MRS.  TEMPLE’S  TELEGRAM. 

A  most  successful  farce  in  three  acts,  by  Frank  Wyatt  and  William 
Morris.  5  males,  4  females.  One  interior  scene  stands  throughout  the 
three  acts.  Costumes  modern.  Plays  2l/2  hours. 

“Mrs.  Temple's  Telegram”  is  a  sprightly  farce  in  which  there  is  an  abund¬ 
ance  of  fun  without  any  taint  of  impropriety  or  any  element  of  offence.  As 
Noticed  by  Sir  Walter  Scott,  “Oh,  what  a  tangled  web  we  weave  when  first  we 
practice  to  deceive!” 

There  is  not  a  dull  moment  in  the  entire  farce,  and  from  the  time  the  curtain 
rises  until  it  makes  the  final  drop  the  fun  is  fast  and  furious.  A  very  exceptional 
farce.  Price,  60  Cents. 


THE  NEW  CO-ED. 

A  comedy  in  four  acts,  by  Marie  Doran,  author  of  ‘Tempest  and 
Sunshine,”  etc.  Characters^  4  males,  7  females,  though  any  number  of 
boys  and  girls  can  be  introduced  in  the  action  of  the  play.  One  interior 
and  one  exterior  scene,  but  can  be  easily  played  in  one  interior  scene. 
Costumes  modern.  Time,  about  2  hours. 

The  theme  of  this  play  is  the  coming  of  a  new  student  to  the  college,  her 
reception  by  the  scholars,  her  trials  and  final  triumph. 

There  are  three  especially  good  girls’  parts,  Letty,  Madge  and  Estelle,  but 
the  others  have  plenty  to  do.  “Punch”  Doolittle  and  George  Washington  Watts, 
a  gentleman  of  color,  are  two  particularly  good  comedy  characters.  We  can 
•trongly  recommend  “The  New  Co-Ed”  to  high  schools  and  amateurs. 

Price,  30  Cents. 

(The  Above  Are  Subject  to  Royalty  When  Produced) 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York  City 

Hew  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on  Request 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 

A  FARCICAL  SATIRE  IN  FOUR  ACTS 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


ALL  RIGHTS  RESERVED 


Especial  notice  should  be  taken  that  the  possession  of 
this  book  without  a  valid  contract  for  production  first 
having  been  obtained  from  the  publisher,  confers  no  right 
or  license  to  professionals  or  amateurs  to  produce  the  play 
publicly  or  in  private  for  gain  or  charity. 

In  its  present  form  this  play  is  dedicated  to  the  reading 
public  only,  and  no  performance,  representation,  produc¬ 
tion,  recitation,  or  public  reading,  or  radio  broadcasting 
may  be  given  except  by  special  arrangement  with  Samuel 
French,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York. 

This  play  may  be  presented  by  amateurs  upon  payment 
of  a  royalty  of  Twenty-Five  Dollars  for  each  perform¬ 
ance,  payable  to  Samuel  French,  25  West  45th  Street, 
New  York,  one  week  before  the  date  when  the  play  is 
given. 

Whenever  the  play  is  produced  the  following  notice  must 
appear  on  all  programs,  printing  and  advertising  for  the 
play :  “Produced  by  special  arrangement  with  Samuel 
French  of  New  York.” 

Attention  is  called  to  the  penalty  provided  by  law  for 
any  infringement  of  the  author’s  rights,  as  follows. 

“Section  4966: — Any  person  publicly  performing  or  rep¬ 
resenting  any  dramatic  or  musical  composition  for  which 
copyright  has  been  obtained,  without  the  consent  of  the 
proprietor  of  said  dramatic  or  musical  composition,  or  his 
heirs  and  assigns,  shall  be  liable  for  damages  thereof,  such 
damages,  in  all  cases  to  be  assessed  at  such  sum,  not  less 
than  one  hundred  dollars  for  the  first  and  fifty  dollars  for 
every  subsequent  performance,  as  to  the  court  shall  appear 
to  be  just.  If  the  unlawful  performance  and  representation 
be  wilful  and  for  profit,  such  person  or  persons  shall  be 
guilty  of  a  misdemeanor,  and  upon  conviction  shall  be  im¬ 
prisoned  for  a  period  not  exceeding  one  year.”*— U.  S. 
Revised  Statutes:  Title  60,  Chap.  3, 


THE  PERSONS  OF  THE  PLAY 


Sadie 

Wilbur  Tompkins 
Jerome  Belden 
Max  Rosenbaum 
Effie  Brinkley 
Johnny  Brinkley 
Mrs.  Dean 
Bettina  Dean 
A  Night  Clerk 
Mr.  Billings 
Granby  Smith 
A  Scene  Painter 
Maginnis 
Goldman 
Hickson 
Steve 

Miss  Donahue 
Miss  Farrington 
Js^Miss  Toby 
Monk 
fcj  Walters 

The  Scenes  of  the  play  are  laid  in  the  office  of  Max 
Rosenbaum,  New  York  City,  the  parlour  of  the  Palace 
Hotel,  Punxatawney,  the  stage  of  a  Broadway  Theatre  and 
the  appartment  of  Jerome  Belden. 

The  action  covers  a  period  of  time  from  August  to  Octo¬ 
ber,  a  month  intervening  between  the  first  and  second  acts, 
six  weeks  between  the  second  and  third,  and  fourteen  hours 
between  the  third  and  fourth. 


<si 

o  , 

CO 

h 

O 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


Original  cast,  as  first  presented  at  the  Hudson  Theatre, 
New  York,  December  31,  1914. 

It  is  arranged  in  the  order  in  which  the  characters  first 
appear. 


Sadie . 

Wilbur  Tompkins 
Jerome  Belden  . 
Max  Rosenbaum  . 
Effie  Brinkley  . 
Johnny  Brinkley 
Mrs.  Dean  .  .  . 
Bettina  Dean  .  . 
A  Night  Clerk  . 
Mr.  Billings  .  . 
Granby  Smith  .  . 

A  Scene  Painter  . 
Maginnis  .  .  . 
Goldman  .... 
Hickson  .  .  .  . 

Steve  . 

Miss  Donahue  . 
Miss  Farrington  . 
Miss  Toby  .  .  . 

Monk . 

Walters  .  .  .  . 


Edna  Aug 
Ned  A.  Sparks 
Douglas  Fairbanks 
George  Sidney 
Olive  May 
William  Sampson 
Zelda  Sears 
Patricia  Collinge 
Sam  Coit 
Stapleton  Kent 
Felix  Krembs 
William  Butler 
Harry  G.  Bates 
George  Colt 
Walter  Young 
Charles  Emerson 
Lillian  Tucker 
Rhy  Alexander 
Becky  Bruce 
Al  Gilmore 
Edward  Moore 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


THE  FIRST  ACT 

The  private  office,  in  a  Broadway  theatre  building,  of  Max 
Rosenbaum,  theatrical  manager .  On  the  right  of  the 
room  is  a  door  opening  on  a  hall  that  leads  to  a  private 
entrance  to  the  stage,  on  the  left  a  door  to  the  office  of 
Rosenbaum's  stage  director,  Wilbur  Tompkins,  and 
at  the  back  another  door  to  the  outer  offices  and  the 
waiting-room .  At  the  left  of  the  room  are  several 
chairs  and  a  table  on  which  stands  a  scenic  artist’s 
model  of  a  stage  setting,  on  the  right  a  flat-topped  desk 
and  a  swivel  chair .  Against  the  walls  are  filing  cabinets 
and  above  them,  encircling  the  room ,  is  a  row  of  framed 
“flashlights”  of  scenes  from  a  Rosenbaum  production . 
In  the  most  prominent  position,  over  the  centre  door, 
is  a  large  framed  photograph  of  Rosenbaum.  Tacked 
to  the  walls  are  several  “ half-sheets ”  to  be  used  in 
advertising  Rosenbaum's  forthcoming  production,  “The 
Wallop .” 

It  is  eleven  o’clock  of  a  morning  in  August .  On  a  bench  in 
the  waiting-room  is  the  usual  row  of  patient  and  eter¬ 
nally  hopeful  actors  and  actresses,  seeking  positions . 
They  exchange  greetings  with  Sadie,  Rosenbaum's 
secretary,  as  she  comes  through  the  waiting-room  into 
the  private  office.  She  closes  the  door . 

Sadie  is  pretty ,  quick-witted,  clever-tongued,  apparently 
bored  with  life  yet  incurably  romantic.  She  takes  a 
passionate  interest  in  the  affairs  of  the  office,  waging 
an  eternal  feud  with  Tompkins,  the  stage  director;  in 
fact,  assuming  a  proprietary  attitude  toward  the  busi¬ 
ness,  and,  while  admiring  Rosenbaum  enormously,  does 
93 


94 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  I 

not  hesitate  to  criticise  even  him .  She  is  carrying  the 
morning’s  mail ,  several  telegrams ,  a  manuscript  of  a 
play  and  a  set  of  “parts.”  As  she  moves  about  the 
room  she  sings  a  popular ,  sentimental  ballad  of  the  day . 

Sadie.  [Singing.']  “You  made  me  what  I  yam  today - ” 

[i She  picks  up  a  newspaper ,  looks  at  it,  smiles  scornfully . 

Has  she  got  her  picture  in  the  paper  again?  [ She  throws 
it  down .] 

[Singing.]  “I  hope  you’re  satisfied, 

You  dragged  me  down,  and  down  and  down, 
That  cannot  be  deny-ed.” 

[Laying  the  parts  on  the  desk. 
“I  hope  I’ve  copied  these  parts  all  right,  and 

now  that  we  must  part - 

[She  slams  the  manuscript  on  the  desk. 
I  wish  you  all  kinds  of  good  luck. 

[Singing.]  “  ’Tis  the  coise  of  an  achin’  heart, 

’Tis  the  coise - ” 

[The  telephone  bell  rings  sharply .  She  picks  up  the  re¬ 
ceiver.  Sure,  I  want  it.  7776  Bryant.  [Wearily.] 
7-7~7-6  Bryant.  [ Freezingly .]  I  beg  your  pardon;  I  gave 
you  the  right  number.  [She  listens  impatiently,  then  pas¬ 
sionately  exclaims.]  As  Heaven  is  my  judge,  I  gave  you 
the  right  number.  [She  waits.]  As  woman  to  woman. 
[She  listens  again,  then  grows  furiously  angry.]  Well, 
Madam,  if  you’ll  give  me  a  chance  I’ll  explain.  I  called  up 
Central  and  said  I  wanted  the  box-office  and  wanted  to 

speak  to  the  Treasurer,  please -  Yes,  that’s  right - 

Yeppie.  Three  sevens  and  a  six.  [Laughs  affectedly.]  Oh, 
that’s  all  right,  dearie.  Yes,  I’ll  hold  it.  [She  stands  wait¬ 
ing,  shifting  from  one  foot  to  another,  and  changing  the 
receiver  from  hand  to  hand.  She  sighs  and  perches  on  the 
end  of  the  desk  and,  presently,  to  relieve  the  tedium,  begins 
to  sing  the.  ballad  again,  emphasising  its  pathos.]  Hello. 
[Crossly.]  Hello!  [Smiling  coyly.]  Oh,  is  that  you, 
Harry?  This  is  Sadie.  What  did  the  manager  say  about 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


95 


*ACT  i] 

letting  Mr.  Rosenbaum  have  your  stage  for  rehearsal  today? 
From  eleven  till  one?  Much  obliged.  Say,  Harry,  I’d  like 
a  couple  for  tonight.  Selling  out!  Is  that  so?  Ah,  go  on, 
Harry,  slip  me  a  couple  and  mark  ’em  “Press.”  What! 
Take  me  home  after  the  show?  Sure,  if  anybody’s  got  to 
stand  on  my  feet  in  the  subway  I’d  just  as  lief  it’d  be  you, 
darling. 

[As  she  replaces  the  receiver  Tompkins,  a  lean ,  lank 
individual  of  saturnine  appearance ,  the  incarnation 
of  pessimism ,  enters  from  his  office . 

Tompkins.  Hello,  Sadie!  Have  the  scene  models  come? 

Sadie.  No. 

Tompkins.  Get  on  that  phone  to  that  scenic  artist. 

Sadie.  Hello,  give  me  261  Greeley,  and  don’t  keep  me 
waiting  like  the  last  time. 

Tompkins.  Give  him  my  love  and  ask  him  how  in  thun¬ 
der  I’m  going  to  put  on  a  show  without  scenery. 

Sadie.  261  Greeley?  I’m  speaking  for  Mr.  Tompkins, 
Mr.  Rosenbaum’s  stage  manager. 

Tompkins.  [ Indignantly .]  Director!  Director! 

Sadie.  What  about  those  models  for  our  new  play,  “The 
Wallop”?  [To  Tompkins.]  Some  title! 

Tompkins.  Some  play! 

Sadie.  Mr.  Rosenbaum  thinks  it’s  a  masterpiece. 

Tompkins.  It’s  a  mess. 

Sadie.  What?  All  right!  [To  Tompkins.]  Be  right 
over. 

Tompkins.  Got  the  script  and  parts  ready? 

Sadie.  [Giving  him  the  manuscript  and  the  parts.] 
There’s  your  copy.  Take  ’em  away  and  chloroform  ’em. 
I’ve  had  to  copy  the  parts  for  this  show,  but  you  bet  your 
life  I’ll  never  go  to  see  it. 

Tompkins.  There’s  going  to  be  a  whole  lot  of  people  side¬ 
step  this.  Where’s  the  fourth  act? 

Sadie.  Hasn’t  been  handed  in  yet.  I  dread  it. 

Tompkins.  Cheer  up,  sister;  it  can’t  be  any  worse  than 
these. 


96 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  I 

Sadie.  Well,  if  it  is,  it’s  going  to  make  those  three  acts 
awful  envious.  Oh,  here’s  a  couple  of  letters  for  you. 

Tompkins.  [Opening  the  letters.']  Where’s  Rosie? 

Sadie.  Over  to  K.  &  E.’s,  battling  for  a  route.  [She 
sings.]  “You  made  me  what  I  yam  today.” 

Tompkins.  [Wearily.]  Must  you  do  that? 

Sadie.  I  can’t  help  it  if  I  have  an  ear  for  music. 

Tompkins.  [Reading  the  letter.]  Gillette’s  thrown  up 
her  part. 

[Disgusted,  he  throws  the  letter  on  the  desk. 

Sadie.  Isn’t  that  the  limit!  I  told  Mr.  Rosenbaum  who 
to  get  for  that  part.  She’s  coming  in  to  see  him  today. 

Tompkins.  Who  is  she? 

Sadie.  Bettina  Dean. 

Tompkins.  Huh! 

Sadie.  Best-looking  girl  that  has  been  in  this  office  this 
season. 

Tompkins.  Huh! 

[He  reads  the  second  letter. 

Sadie.  The  only  thing  that  worries  me  is,  if  Mr.  Rosen¬ 
baum  doesn’t  like  her,  I’m  afraid  I’ll  have  to  play  the  part 
myself. 

Tompkins.  You  hate  yourself,  don’t  you?  This  letter 
means  we  lose  Gilmore,  too. 

[He  throws  it  on  the  desk. 

Sadie.  Are  Gillette  and  Gilmore  married? 

Tompkins.  Yes,  poor  Gilmore. 

Sadie.  What  was  he  going  to  play?  Who  is  he,  anyhow? 

Tompkins.  Some  truck-driver  Rosie  engaged  to  play  a 
man  about  town. 

Sadie.  Lucky  it’s  a  small  part.  So  hard  to  get  leading 
men.  All  of  them  dancing  at  the  cabarets. 

Tompkins.  [Going.]  Time  some  of  the  bluffs  in  this 
business  were  doing  something. 

Sadie.  There  are  a  lot  of  actors  waiting  out  there  to  see 
you. 

Tompkins.  Actors!  There  are  none. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


97! 


ACT  i] 

Sadie.  What’ll  I  do? 

Tompkins.  Get  rid  of  ’em. 

Sadie.  How? 

Tompkins.  Tell  ’em  I’m  dead. 

Sadie.  That’s  going  to  keep  them  happy  all  day. 

[Tompkins  turns,  glares  at  Sadie,  then  goes  into  his 
office,  slamming  the  door.  Sadie  is  laughing  when 
the  door  from  the  waiting-room  is  thrown  open  and 
a  breezy,  good-looking  type  of  the  wealthy  American 
youth  of  today  comes  in  hurriedly.  It  is  Jerome 
Belden.  Sadie  rises  majestically ,  walks  over  to  him 
and  points  to  the  letters  on  the  door. 

Sadie.  “Private”  isn’t  painted  on  the  other  side  of  the 
door  just  to  make  it  look  stylish, 

Jerome.  I’m  looking  for  Mr.  Rosenbaum. 

Sadie.  That  doesn’t  give  you  any  license  to  crowd  your 
personality  into  his  private  office. 

Jerome.  I’m  sorry.  I  saw  the  door  open  and  just  blew  in. 
Sadie.  The  wind’s  shifted;  blow  out. 

[She  turns  away. 

Jerome.  [Following  her.]  I  want  to  see  Mr.  Rosenbaum. 
Sadie.  You  want  to  see  an  oculist.  There’s  a  sign  out 
there — “No  Vacancies  for  Actors.” 

Jerome.  I’m  not  an  actor.  I’m  a  business  man. 

Sadie.  What’s  a  business  man  doing  in  a  theatrical  office? 
Who  are  you? 

Jerome.  Jerome  Belden. 

Sadie.  Jerome  Belden!  That’s  a  swell  name,  but  it 
means  nothing  in  my  young  life.  Did  you  have  an  appoint¬ 
ment? 

Jerome.  No,  but  I  must  see  him. 

Sadie.  [ Sarcastically .]  Sorry,  but  he  isn’t  in. 

[She  moves  to  the  chair  at  the  desk. 
Jerome.  When  will  he  be  back? 

Sadie.  When  he  returns,  fair  stranger. 

Jerome.  Don’t  you  keep  tabs  on  Mr.  Rosenbaum? 

Sadie.  I’m  his  stenographer,  not  his  wife. 


98 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  I 


Jerome.  Oh!  Has  Miss  Dean  been  here? 

Sadie.  What  Miss  Dean? 

Jerome.  Bettina  Dean! 

Sadie.  I’m  not  allowed  to  divulge  office  secrets. 

[She  sits. 

Jerome.  [ Offering  a  bill.]  Here. 

Sadie.  [ Waving  it  aside.]  Nothing  doing. 

Jerome.  [Smiling.]  Oh,  go  on,  run  up  to  Huyler’s. 

Sadie.  [Taking  it.]  That’s  different.  Mother  told  me  I 
was  never  to  take  money  from  a  strange  gentleman.  But, 
gee,  none  of  the  fellows  I  know  have  any. 

Jerome.  [Sitting  across  from  her.]  Let’s  get  down  to 
cases.  Have  you  ever  seen  Miss  Dean? 

Sadie.  Best-looking  girl  that  has  been  in  this  office  this 
season. 

Jerome.  [Offering  another  bill.]  Go  on,  get  another  box. 

Sadie.  One  box  a  day  is  my  limit. 

Jerome.  Look  here,  have  you  ever  been  in  love? 

Sadie.  [Sighing.]  It’s  chronic  with  me. 

Jerome.  That’s  the  way  I  feel  about  Miss  Dean.  I  want 
you  to  help  me. 

Sadie.  I’m  no  first  aid  to  stage-door  Johnnies. 

Jerome.  Johnnies?  I  want  to  marry  her. 

Sadie.  What?  My,  how  romantic! 

Jerome.  I  want  her  to  marry  me  and  give  up  the  stage. 
Her  mother  can’t  see  that  at  all.  I  heard  last  night  that 
Mr.  Rosenbaum  is  to  see  her  today.  If  she  gets  this  engage¬ 
ment  it’s  all  off. 

Sadie.  Oh,  I  see.  [Sympathetically.]  Then  you’ll  be 
parted. 

Jerome.  Now  you  see  what  we’re  up  against. 

Sadie.  Isn’t  real  life  just  like  the  stage? 

Jerome.  Now  come  on;  be  a  good  fellow.  Tell  me,  has 
she  been  here? 

Sadie.  Not  yet.  Her  appointment’s  for  twelve  today. 

Jerome.  Good!  [He  rises  and  goes  to  the  door.]  That 
gives  me  a  chance  to  see  her  before  she  gets  here.  Say, 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


ACT  i] 

what’s  your  favourite  brand  of  flower?  [Sadie  smiles.]  No? 
Well,  I’m  just  going  to  smother  you  in  violets. 

[He  leaves  hurriedly. 

Sadie.  [Wistjidly.]  Some  girls  have  all  the  luck. 

[Tompkins  bursts  in  from  his  office. 

Tompkins.  Where’s  that  script? 

Sadie.  I  gave  it  to  you  once;  if  you’re  going  to  mislay  it 
like  that  I’ll  put  a  bell  on  it. 

[She  rises  and  gives  the  manuscript  to  him. 

Tompkins.  What  was  it  I  wanted  to  ask  you? 

Sadie.  How  should  I  know?  I’m  no  mind-reader. 

Tompkins.  Can  the  persiflage.  Oh,  yes,  what  theatre 
did  Rosie  get  for  rehearsal  today? 

Sadie.  You  can  have  the  stage  downstairs  from  eleven 
till  one. 

[Max  Rosenbaum,  a  jovial  embodiment  of  his  race, 
enters  briskly  from  the  outer  office.  He  carries  a 
theatrical  “route”  book. 

Sadie.  Good  morning,  Mr.  Rosenbaum. 

Rosenbaum.  Hello,  Sadie.  [To  Tompkins.]  Hello, 
Sunshine.  We’ve  got  to  slam  this  show  through.  We  open 
in  two  weeks.  Sadie,  has  the  printer  sent  the  proof  of  that 
three-sheet? 

Sadie.  It’s  right  outside. 

Rosenbaum.  Bring  it  in. 

[Sadie  goes. 

Tompkins.  Get  a  good  route? 

Rosenbaum.  A  pippin! 

[He  opens  the  book. 

Tompkins.  [Sarcastically.]  Well,  what  burgs  did  you 
horn  out  of  them? 

Rosenbaum.  [Reading.]  We  open  in  Toronto,  jump  to 
Washington - 

Tompkins.  Jump!  It’s  a  leap! 

Rosenbaum.  Yes,  but  if  I  can  get  the  President  to  see 
the  show. 

Tompkins.  What  have  you  got  against  Wilson? 


100 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  I 


Rosenbaum.  I’ll  get  him  to  endorse  it. 

Tompkins.  Why  should  he? 

Rosenbaum.  Didn’t  I  vote  for  him? 

Tompkins.  Where  do  we  scatter  after  Washington? 

Rosenbaum.  Montreal,  then  Wilmington,  Schenectady, 
Hartford,  Rochester,  New  Haven,  Troy  and  Punxatawney. 

Tompkins.  Just  hitting  the  high  places.  What  are  you 
doing,  booking  “The  Wallop”  with  a  ouija  board? 

Rosenbaum.  And  a  week  in  Philadelphia. 

Tompkins.  This  is  a  healthy  show  to  wake  up  Phila¬ 
delphia. 

Rosenbaum.  Say  it  will  wake  ’em  up  so  hard,  it’ll  give 
’em  insomnia. 

[He  places  the  route  book  on  the  desk .  Sadie  enters, 
carrying  a  roll  of  paper. 

Sadie.  Here’s  the  proof  of  that  three-sheet. 

Rosenbaum.  Here,  Sadie,  stand  up.  [Rosenbaum  places 
a  chair .  Sadie  stands  on  it  and  holds  up  the  three-sheet. 
Rosenbaum  reads.]  “Max  Rosenbaum  politely  proffers 
The  Wallop,’  by  Edgerton  Porter,  staged  under  the  direc¬ 
tion  of  Max  Rosenbaum  and  Wilbur  Tompkins.” 

Tompkins.  [ Satirically .]  Couldn’t  you  work  your  mon¬ 
icker  in  some  place  else? 

Rosenbaum.  I  might  make  it,  “By  Max  Rosenbaum 

and - ”  [Tompkins  laughs .]  Well,  I  gave  the  author 

the  idea  and  a  lot  of  the  dialogue. 

Tompkins.  Why  pay  him  royalties?  Why  didn’t  you 
write  it  yourself? 

Rosenbaum.  I  haven’t  time  to  do  the  hack  work.  Sadie, 
tell  the  printer  to  put  Max  on  one  line  and  Rosenbaum  on 
the  other,  and  cut  down  the  size  of  the  author’s  name. 
Who  is  he,  anyway? 

[Sadie,  agreeing,  goes . 

[Rosenbaum  puts  on  his  office-coat,  then  sits,  reading 
his  mail. 

Tompkins.  Got  a  minute? 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


101 


ACT  i] 

Rosenbaum.  I  haven’t  a  thing  to  do  but  listen  to  your 
troubles.  What’s  on  your  mind? 

Tompkins.  [Sitting.]  Oh,  nothing!  First  rehearsal  at 
eleven,  no  last  act,  no  scenery,  no  leading  woman - 

Rosenbaum.  Gillette  quit? 

Tompkins.  [ Sarcastically .]  She’s  ill. 

[He  hands  Rosenbaum  a  letter. 

Rosenbaum.  [Reading  it.]  She’d  had  a  better  offer. 

Tompkins.  It’s  like  her  to  wait  till  the  first  rehearsal. 

Rosenbaum.  I  was  afraid  she’d  throw  us  down.  I’ve 
got  just  the  girl.  I  told  her  that  if  anything  happened  to 
Gillette,  I’d  give  her  the  first  chance.  I’ve  an  appointment 
with  her  today  at  twelve. 

[He  presses  the  buzzer  on  his  desk. 

Tompkins.  [Handing  Rosenbaum  the  other  letter.] 
Gilmore’s  quit,  too. 

Rosenbaum.  [Reading.]  Well,  you  didn’t  like  him. 
What  kind  of  a  type  do  you  want? 

Tompkins.  He  ought  to  look  like  a  clubman,  wear  his 
clothes  well.  He  sings  a  song  in  the  first  act,  dances  a 
tango - 

Rosenbaum.  For  sixty  dollars  a  week,  you  want  a  cross 
between  John  Drew,  Caruso  and  Vernon  Castle.  That’s 
easy!  [Sadie  rushes  in.]  Sadie,  telephone  Miss  Dean,  over 
to  the  St.  Agnes:  tell  her  not  to  wait  until  twelve  o’clock, 
but  to  come  right  over. 

Sadie.  [Disconsolately.]  Right  over? 

Rosenbaum.  Yes,  and  make  out  a  couple  of  contracts 
and  leave  the  salary  blank. 

[Sadie  rushes  out. 

Tompkins.  Is  it  Bettina  Dean? 

Rosenbaum.  Yes. 

Tompkins.  Oh,  Lord! 

Rosenbaum.  What  is  it? 

Tompkins.  Has  a  mother,  hasn’t  she? 

Rosenbaum.  Must  have  had  a  father,  too.  What’s  the 
matter  with  mother? 


102 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  I 

Tompkins.  If  Mamma  Dean  is  going  to  be  on  this  job, 
you  won’t  want  a  stage  manager  for  this  show,  you’ll  want 
a  lion  tamer. 

[He  goes  into  his  office.  Sadie  enters. 
Sadie.  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Brinkley  calling. 

Rosenbaum.  Show  ’em  in,  show  ’em  in.  Come  in,  Effie. 
Effie.  [Entering.]  Well,  Rosie?  [Sadie  goes. 

Rosenbaum.  [ Shaking  hands.]  Where’s  Johnny? 

Effie.  Somewhere  in  the  rear.  That  man’s  always  leav¬ 
ing  Buffalo  just  as  I’m  pulling  into  the  Grand  Central. 
Johnny.  [Entering.]  Who  are  you  knocking  now? 
Rosenbaum.  [Shaking  hands.]  Well,  well,  Johnny! 
[Effie  Brinkley  is  a  plump,  pretty,  jolly  woman  of 
thirty-five,  her  bleached  hair,  too  youthful  hat,  and 
gown,  indicating  clearly  the  passe  soubrette.  Her 
husband,  Johnny,  a  small,  spare  man  in  the  fifties, 
has  the  gloomy  manner  and  dejected  appearance  that 
is  so  often  characteristic  of  the  comedian  in  private 
life. 

Rosenbaum.  Here,  sit  down,  sit  down. 

Effie.  Didn’t  I  tell  you  he’d  be  the  same  old  Rosie? 
Rosenbaum.  Why  not? 

Johnny.  You’re  a  great  manager,  now. 

Rosenbaum.  Anybody  who’s  had  one  success  is  a  great 
manager. 

[Effie  and  Johnny  sit.  Rosenbaum  gets  a  box  of 
cigars. 

Effie.  Johnny  didn’t  want  to  come. 

Rosenbaum.  [Reproachfully.]  Johnny  and  you  knew  me 
when  I - 

Johnny.  I  never  bank  on  that  “I  knew  him  when”  thing. 

[He  takes  a  cigar. 

Effie.  The  sight  of  you,  Rosie,  takes  me  back  to  ’Frisco. 
Johnny.  Remember  that  joint  we  all  lived  in? 
Rosenbaum.  The  House  of  a  Thousand  Prunes. 

[They  laugh.  Rosenbaum  sits  at  his  desk. 


act  i]  the  SHOW  SHOE  103 

Effie.  My,  but  five  years  makes  a  big  difference  in  this 
business! 

Rosenbaum.  Effie,  you  don’t  look  a  day  older. 

Effie.  It’s  my  grand  new  liquid  rouge. 

Johnny.  And  I  just  paid  three  dollars  to  regild  her 
dome. 

Rosenbaum.  How’s  the  world  using  you? 

Johnny.  We’re  still  among  the  deserving  poor. 

Rosenbaum.  Where  have  you  been  keeping  yourself? 

Effie.  Hiding  out  in  the  alfalfa. 

Rosenbaum.  You  ought  to  be  on  Broadway. 

Johnny.  We  haven’t  a  look-in.  I  haven’t  that  sex  appeal. 

Effie.  Isn’t  it  funny  some  New  York  manager  doesn’t 
take  a  violent  fancy  to  Johnny? 

Johnny.  Hush,  Effie,  you  make  me  feel  like  an  aban¬ 
doned  woman. 

Rosenbaum.  What  can  I  do  for  you? 

Effie.  Well,  a  couple  of  jobs  would  come  in  handy. 

Johnny.  Anything  in  this  play  you’re  putting  on? 

Rosenbaum.  I’ll  see,  Johnny.  {He  looks  at  the  “ cast 
sheet ”  on  his  desk .]  There’s  a  bit  in  the  last  act. 

Johnny.  One  of  those  bad  butlers? 

Rosenbaum.  No,  a  chauffeur. 

Effie.  Anything  for  me?  We  always  go  together.  He’s 
too  darn  attractive  to  leave  lying  around  loose. 

Rosenbaum.  There’s  a  housekeeper.  But,  oh,  you 
couldn’t  afford  to  play  them. 

Effie  The  only  thing  an  actor  can’t  afford  to  be  is  idle. 

Johnny.  We’re  eating  on  the  last  link  of  my  gold  watch 
and  chain.  What  do  they  pay? 

Rosenbaum.  Hold  fast. 

Johnny.  [ Clutching  his  chair.']  Spring  it! 

Rosenbaum.  Seventy-five  dollars  for  the  two  of  them. 

Johnny.  {Gasping.]  Air!  I  want  air! 

Rosenbaum.  I  tell  you  what:  we’ll  make  it  a  hundred. 

{He  presses  the  buzzer. 

Effie.  Now,  Rosie,  we  don’t  want  to  work  you. 


104. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  I 

Rosenbaum.  What’s  money  between  friends?  [Sadie 
bustles  in.]  Sadie,  make  out  a  contract  for  Effie  and  John 
Brinkley  at  One  Hundred.  [To  Effie.]  I’ll  mail  it  to  you. 

Sadie.  Mrs.  Dean  and  Miss  Dean  are  waiting  to  see  you. 

Rosenbaum.  When  I  ring,  show  them  in.  [Sadie  goes.] 

Effie.  Is  Betty  Dean  to  be  in  the  company? 

Rosenbaum.  I’m  figuring  on  her  for  the  lead.  Do  you 
know  her? 

Effie.  Know  her?  Many’s  the  two  weeks’  notice  her 
mother  and  I  have  read  off  the  same  call-board.  Haven’t 
seen  her  for  years  until  she  turned  up  this  summer. 

Rosenbaum.  Can  the  girl  act? 

Effie.  She  should  if  she’s  anything  like  her  mother, 
Matilda  Kent.  You’ve  heard  of  her.  Used  to  play  leading 
business. 

Johnny.  I  thought  that  Betty  was  going  to  marry  that 
young  fellow  who’s  been  hanging  around. 

Effie.  Oh,  no;  he  insists  that  Betty  give  up  the  stage. 
Matilda  gave  up  a  big  career  to  marry.  She  won’t  let  Betty 
make  the  same  mistake. 

Johnny.  Jerry  is  one  of  the  idle  rich,  but  he’s  a  nice  kid. 

Effie.  Yes,  but  when  you  think  of  the  late  Mr.  Dean, 
you  can’t  blame  Matilda  for  being  something  of  a  pessimist 
when  it  comes  to  love.  She’s  devoted  her  life  to  Betty  and 
she’s  determined  to  get  her  on  Broadway. 

Johnny.  Then  no  man,  woman  or  child  will  stop  her. 
She’s  some  warrior,  is  Matilda. 

Rosenbaum.  Johnny,  you’re  throwing  an  awful  scare  into 
me. 

Effie.  Don’t  mind  Johnny.  He  always  was  an  artist 
with  a  hammer.  I  like  Matilda.  You  take  Betty.  She’s  a 
find  for  some  manager.  Where  are  the  parts? 

Rosenbaum.  Here. 

[Effie  and  Johnny  rise.  Rosenbaum  hands  a  part 
of  two  “sides!”  to  Effie  and  another  of  three  “ sides’ ’ 
to  Johnny.  They  look  at  them,  then  at  Rosen¬ 
baum,  who  smiles  apologetically. 


act  i]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  105 

Effie.  All  of  this? 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  that’s  all  right,  Effie,  you  can  build 
it  up. 

Effie.  Are  you  engaging  me  as  an  actress  or  an  architect? 

Johnny.  Cheer  up,  Effie;  if  anyone  in  the  audience  winks, 
they’ll  miss  me. 

Effie.  Where  are  we  rehearsing? 

Rosenbaum.  We’re  using  the  stage  downstairs.  You  can 
go  out  that  way. 

[He  indicates  the  door  at  the  right  of  the  room. 

Effie.  Good-bye,  Rosie. 

[She  shakes  hands  and  starts  to  go. 

Johnny.  [Shaking  hands.]  Rosie,  you’ve  been  immense 
to  us. 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  that’s  all  right. 

Effie.  Come  over  to  see  us. 

Rosenbaum.  Sure. 

Johnny.  We’ll  have  some  prunes. 

[Johnny  and  Effie  leave.  Rosenbaum  pushes  the 
buzzer  and  then,  sitting  at  the  desk,  assumes  a  man¬ 
agerial  attitude,  affecting  to  be  very  busy  in  order 
to  impress  Mrs.  Dean  and  Betty,  who  are  shown 
in  by  Sadie.  Mrs.  Dean  is  a  woman  of  fifty,  shrewd, 
capable,  dominated  by  one  idea  only,  and  that  the 
furthering  of  her  daughter’s  success  on  the  stage;  in 
a  word,  the  typical  “stage  mother,”  the  terror  of 
managers  and  the  despair  of  stage  directors.  Her 
nondescript  bonnet  and  her  shabby  blue  serge  suit 
are  in  striking  contrast  to  the  exquisitely  charming 
attire  of  her  daughter,  Bettina,  a  -very  pretty  girl 
of  twenty,  who  bows  shyly  to  Rosenbaum,  on  whom 
her  mother  advances  with  an  air  of  grim  determina¬ 
tion. 

Rosenbaum.  [Rising.]  Good  morning,  Miss  Dean,  Mrs. 
Dean.  Sit  down,  please.  [They  sit.]  Well,  Miss  Dean, 
are  you  at  liberty  to  consider  an  offer? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Interposing.]  That  depends. 


106 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  I 


Rosenbaum.  What  did  you  do  last  season? 

Betty.  I  played  Mary  Turner  in  “Within  the  Law.” 

Mrs.  Dean.  She  was  the  original,  in  the  number  13  com¬ 
pany. 

Betty.  Oh,  I  hope  it  isn’t  another  crook.  I’m  So  sick 
of  crime. 

Rosenbaum.  There  isn’t  a  crook  in  the  play. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Why,  Mr.  Rosenbaum,  what  a  daring  de¬ 
parture! 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  I’ve  got  a  novelty. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Don’t  tell  me  you’ve  found  a  playwright 
with  a  new  idea! 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  no;  everything  in  it  has  been  done  a 
thousand  times,  but  it’s  got  a  new  twist  and  a  good  religious 
punch. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Complacently. Betty  was  wonderful  in 
“The  Christian.” 

Betty.  What  sort  of  a  part  is  this? 

Rosenbaum.  Pathos,  comedy,  emotion,  the  whole  bunch 
of  tricks.  Do  you  think  you  can  handle  it? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Mere  child’s  play  for  Betty? 

Betty.  [ Protesting .]  Oh,  Mother! 

Rosenbaum.  [Drily.]  You’re  not  at  all  prejudiced. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Taking  press  notices  from  her  bag.]  Mr. 
Rosenbaum,  I  don’t  ask  you  to  take  a  mother’s  word  for 
her  daughter’s  ability.  Listen:  [Reading.]  “The  comedy 
of  a  Mrs.  Fiske,  the  emotion  of  a  Duse,  the  grace  of  a 
Pavlowa  and  the  charm  of  an  Ethel  Barrymore.”  That’s  a 
slight  tribute  to  Betty  from  the  Oscaloosa  Eagle.  The  Waco 
Argus  says - 

Betty.  Oh,  mother,  Mr.  Rosenbaum  doesn’t  want  to  hear 
my  press  notices. 

[She  rises ,  embarrassed,  and  moves  away. 

Mrs.  Dean.  I’m  only  trying  to  prove  to  Mr.  Rosenbaum 
that  you  can  act  circles  around  any  of  these  Broadway 
favourites. 

Rosenbaum.  Broadway  doesn’t  want  acting. 


act  i]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  107 


Mrs.  Dean.  [Beaming.]  Mr.  Rosenbaum,  it’s  a  pleasure 
to  meet  a  manager  who  knows  the  New  York  public. 

[She  rises  and  sits  across  the  desk  from  Rosenbaum. 

Rosenbaum.  [Whispering.]  Mrs.  Dean,  has  she  any  per¬ 
sonality? 

Mrs.  Dean.  That,  perhaps,  is  Betty’s  greatest  charm. 

Rosenbaum.  Has  she  any  mannerisms?  They  like  them, 
too. 

Mrs.  Dean.  She’s  full  of  mannerisms. 

Rosenbaum.  [Shaking  hands  across  the  desk.]  You’re  a 
woman  after  my  own  heart.  What’s  her  salary? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Two  hundred  dollars  a  week  and  her  clothes. 

[Rosenbaum  draws  his  hand  away  quickly  as  if  stung. 
Betty,  who  has  wandered  to  the  other  side  of  the 
room,  turning  quickly  in  surprise,  meets  the  warning 
look  of  Mrs.  Dean. 

Rosenbaum.  For  an  unknown  actress? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Unknown!  I’ve  never  noticed  your  portrait 
in  any  Hall  of  Fame. 

Rosenbaum.  I’ll  give  you  one  hundred  dollars. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Rising.]  Betty,  wasn’t  that  appointment 
with  Mr.  Belasco  for  today? 

Rosenbaum.  [Laughing.]  Belasco!  Now  we’ve  both  had 
our  little  joke.  Let’s  talk  business;  one  hundred  dollars. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Quite  a  comedian,  aren’t  you? 

Rosenbaum.  I’m  sorry.  Maybe  we  can  do  business  some 
other  time.  [Betty  comes  toward  Mrs.  Dean.  Rosen¬ 
baum  “sizes”  her  up.]  Well,  what  do  you  say  to  one  hun¬ 
dred  and  twenty-five?  It’s  a  great  part. 

[Mrs.  Dean’s  back  is  toward  Rosie.  She  smiles  tri¬ 
umphantly  at  Betty,  then  turns  to  Rosenbaum  with 
gradates  dignity. 

Mrs.  Dean.  I  hope  you  get  someone  to  play  it.  Come, 
Betty. 


[They  start  to  go. 

Rosenbaum.  [Following  them.]  One  hundred  and  fifty, 
[Mrs.  Dean  turns]  but  you  buy  the  clothes. 


HS'TY  of 

Ll8RAf(Y 


^UNOti 


108  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  i 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Suspiciously .]  Will  we  come  into  New 
York? 

Rosenbaum.  Worse  plays  have. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [All  smiling  graciousness.]  Betty,  dear,  how 
would  you  like  to  work  for  Mr.  Rosenbaum? 

Betty.  [ Indifferently .]  I’d  just  as  soon. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Well,  as  Betty  feels  so  strongly  about  it,  I’ll 
take  it. 

Rosenbaum.  Before  I  engage  her,  I’d  like  to  have  her 
read  a  speech  or  two. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Certainly. 

Betty.  Oh,  I  couldn’t. 

Rosenbaum.  I’ve  got  to  get  some  idea  of  what  you  can 
do  before  I  sign  you  up. 

Mrs.  Dean.  It’s  the  nervousness  of  the  artist.  She  in¬ 
herits  it.  I  felt  exactly  the  same  way  when  I  had  to  read 
the  Portia  speech  for  dear  Mr.  Booth.  [With  a  gesture, 
reciting.]  “The  quality  of  mercy  is  not  strained.” 

Rosenbaum.  [Stopping  her.]  It’s  your  daughter  I’m  en¬ 
gaging. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Roguishly .]  Ah,  yes,  of  course.  [SAe 
giggles.]  If  you  give  Betty  a  moment  to  look  it  over. 

Rosenbaum.  Sure.  Take  this  speech. 

[He  hands  Mrs.  Dean  a  part  and  goes  into  the  wait¬ 
ing-room.  Mrs.  Dean  turns  joyously  to  Betty. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Oh,  Betty,  my  darling,  you’re  going  to  get 
your  chance;  you’re  going  to  be  on  Broadway. 

Betty.  Maybe  I  can’t  play  the  part. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Matilda  Kent’s  daughter  can  play  anything! 

Betty.  But  for  $150  he’ll  expect  so  much  of  me. 

Mrs.  Dean.  My  dear,  the  more  a  manager  pays  you  the 
better  he  thinks  you  are.  [She  looks  over  the  part.]  This 
speech  isn’t  bad,  but  I’ll  see  that  it’s  rewritten  to  give  you 
something  to  get  your  teeth  in. 

[She  hands  the  part  to  Betty,  then,  crossing  to  the 
desk,  picks  up  first  act  of  the  manuscript  of  the  play. 
Betty  sits  wearily  at  the  left  of  the  room. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


109 


ACT  ij 

Betty.  What’s  it  about? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Never  mind  what  it’s  about.  When  you 
read  it,  just  fix  your  thoughts  on  something  sad. 

Betty.  I’ll  think  of  poor,  dear  Jerry. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Drily.]  Yes.  Now,  about  the  clothes. 
[She  looks  at  the  first  page  of  the  manuscript.]  Four  acts! 
That  means  four  dresses. 

Betty.  How  will  we  get  them? 

Mrs.  Dean.  We’ve  got  to  get  them.  I’ll  make  them. 

Betty.  [ Rising ,  goes  to  her.]  Oh,  Mother,  I’m  so  tired 
of  seeing  you  work  yourself  to  death  for  me.  I’m  ashamed 
of  going  around  dressed  like  this  and  you  so  dingy. 

[She  puts  her  head  on  her  mother's  shoulder. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Embracing  her.]  You  just  wait,  my  dear, 
until  you  make  your  big  success!  Then  watch  mother 
flounder  around  in  the  lap  of  luxury. 

Betty.  [Drawing  away.]  But  we  needn’t  wait.  I  could 
give  you  everything  you  wanted,  if  you’d  let  me  marry 
Jerry. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Now,  Betty,  you’ve  known  Jerry  only  two 
months.  We  won’t  discuss  that  infatuation  again. 

Betty.  It’s  not  infatuation.  It’s  love.  And  he  says  I’m 
“the  love  of  his  life.” 

Mrs.  Dean.  That’s  a  mossy  old  line. 

Betty.  It  sounds  convincing  the  way  he  says  it. 

[i She  moves  away. 

Mrs.  Dean.  It  sounded  convincing  when  your  father  said 
it.  [She  goes  to  Betty.]  Oh,  Betty,  I’ve  nothing  against 
Jerry,  but  when  I  was  your  age  I  was  swept  off  my  feet  just 
like  this.  I  don’t  want  you  to  make  my  mistake.  All  I  ask 
of  you  is  to  wait  until  you’ve  had  a  taste  of  success;  then, 
if  you  want  to  give  it  up,  that  will  be  a  horse  of  another 
colour.  Now,  where’s  that  speech?  [She  takes  the  part.] 
See,  Betty,  tears  in  your  voice  there,  look  wistfully  here, 
make  your  lips  quiver.  Trick  it. 


110  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  i 

Betty.  Oh,  I’m  sick  of  the  tricks  of  the  trade.  I  don’t 
want  to  act. 

[. She  throws  the  part  on  the  table. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Reproachfully .]  If  you  felt  all  this  about 
the  stage,  why  didn’t  you  tell  me?  You  knew  I  was  only 
living  for  the  day  to  see  you  take  a  curtain  call  on  Broad¬ 
way,  living  only  for  that  one  thrill  of  mother’s  pride.  I’ve 
never  forced  you  to  do  anything  you  didn’t  want  to  do,  and 
I  won’t  now.  You’re  free  to  make  your  choice. 

Betty.  [ Turning  to  her.']  I’m  not  free  to  make  my 
choice.  [ She  throws  her  arms  around  her  mother.]  I  love 
you.  You  know  I  do.  No  girl  ever  had  a  better  mother. 
Do  you  think  I  want  to  disappoint  you?  But  I  love  Jerry, 
too.  Oh,  what  can  I  do? 

[She  is  at  the  point  of  tears,  Mrs.  Dean  at  her  wits’ 
end,  when  they  are  interrupted  by  the  return  of 
Rosenbaum  with  the  contracts. 

Rosenbaum.  Well,  are  you  ready?  Are  you  set? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Bewildered .]  Why  —  Mr.  Rosenbaum — 
I - 

[Betty  turns,  sees  the  disappointment  in  her  mother’s 
eyes,  then,  sighing,  picks  up  the  part,  takes  a  few 
steps  toward  Rosenbaum,  who  is  seated  at  the  desk, 
and  begins  to  read,  her  mother  watching  anxiously 
the  effect  on  him. 

Betty.  [Reading.]  “I’ve  been  lonely,  too,  Mr.  Craig — 
lonelier  than  you,  for  you’ve  had  your  son,  and  for  years 
I’ve  had  no  one  who  really  belonged  to  me.  I’ve  tried  to 
forget  that  loneliness  with  the  thought  that  some  day  this 
wandering  would  be  over,  that  some  day  I’d  have  a  home, 
a  husband,  and  now  you  want  to  take  the  man  I  love  away 
from  me.” 

[The  concluding  lines  are  so  applicable  to  her  own 
situation  that  she  is  overcome  and,  throwing  herself 
into  the  chair,  buries  her  head  in  her  arms  and  breaks 
into  wild  sobs.  Mrs.  Dean,  understanding,  goes  to 
her  quickly,  but  Rosenbaum,  thinking  it  a  bit  of 


act  i]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  111 

acting,  jumps  to  his  feet  excitedly  and  claps  his 
hands  in  applause. 

Rosenbaum.  Great!  Great!  You’ve  got  the  sob  stuff 
all  right.  Here’s  your  contract;  one  hundred  and  fifty 
dollars. 

[He  holds  out  the  pen  to  Betty,  who  continues  to  cry. 
Mrs.  Dean  is  torn  between  her  joy  at  the  offer  and 
her  fear  that  Betty  will  refuse  it.  There  is  a  pause. 
Rosenbaum  looks  at  them  bewildered. 

Aren’t  you  going  to  sign  it? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Why,  I  don’t  know. 

Rosenbaum.  Here  you  are,  Miss  Dean. 

[Betty  looks  at  her  mother,  who  is  watching  her  with 
tears  in  her  eyes.  Betty  braces  up,  walks  across  to 
the  chair,  sits  at  the  desk  and  takes  a  pen.  Mrs. 
Dean  gives  a  sigh  of  relief,  goes  to  the  table  and 
gets  the  part. 

Rosenbaum.  Hadn’t  you  better  read  the  contracts? 
Betty.  [ Signing  them.]  They’re  all  alike.  If  you  want 
me  you’ll  keep  me. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Yes.  It  was  a  wise  man  who  said  that  a 
theatrical  contract  was  an  evidence  of  mutual  distrust. 
[Betty  gives  one  contract  to  her  mother,  who  looks  it 
over,  verifies  it,  then  folds  it  and  puts  it  in  her  bag. 
Betty.  Where  is  the  rehearsal? 

Rosenbaum.  Downstairs — this  way. 

[He  opens  the  door  that  leads  to  the  stage.  Betty 
starts  to  go,  but  Mrs.  Dean,  victorious,  resumes  her 
aggressive  mood.  Tompkins  comes  in,  unobserved. 
Mrs.  Dean.  I  suppose  your  stage  manager  is  the  ususal 
fiend  in  human  form. 

Rosenbaum.  [ Turning ,  sees  Tompkins.]  Here  he  is. 
Mrs.  Dean,  Miss  Dean,  Mr.  Tompkins.  I  think  you’ll  find 
him  amiable. 

Mrs.  Dean.  We  shall  see. 

[She  looks  at  Tompkins  coldly,  then  strides  haughtily 


112  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  i 

to  the  door .  Betty  smiles  shyly  at  them  as  she 
follows  her  mother  out  of  the  room . 

Rosenbaum.  [ Excitedly .]  Well,  what  do  you  think  about 
the  little  lady? 

Tompkins.  I’m  not  worrying  about  the  little  lady;  it’s 
the  old  lady  who’s  got  me  winging. 

[Sadie  enters ,  wearing  a  large  bunch  of  violets. 
Sadie.  Here  are  the  Brinkley  contracts. 

Tompkins.  Rosie,  come  out  and  take  a  flash  at  these 
scene  models. 

Rosenbaum.  What’s  wrong? 

Tompkins.  Everything! 

[He  slams  into  his  office. 
Rosenbaum.  Sadie,  I’d  rather  have  a  thousand  dollars 
than  that  man’s  disposition. 

[He  wearily  follows  Tompkins.  Sadie  places  the 
Brinkley  contracts  on  the  desk  and  is  about  to 
return  to  the  outer  office  when  Jerome  Belden 
rushes  in. 

Jerry.  I  missed  her!  Has  she  been  here? 

Sadie.  Yes. 

Jerry.  Has  Mr.  Rosenbaum  seen  her? 

Sadie.  Yes. 

Jerry.  Where  is  she? 

Sadie.  I  think  she’s  downstairs,  rehearsing. 

Jerry.  He’s  engaged  her? 

Sadie.  I’m  afraid  so. 

Jerry.  Then  I’ve  got  to  see  Mr.  Rosenbaum.  Where  is 
he? 

Sadie.  He’s  busy. 

Jerry.  Very  well.  I’ll  wait. 

[Sadie  goes .  Jerry  is  sitting  at  the  desk  when  Tomp¬ 
kins,  coming  in,  sees  him,  stops  and  clutches  Rosen¬ 
baum,  who  is  following  him. 

Tompkins.  [In  a  hoarse  whisper .]  Look!  For  the  man 
about  town.  Pay  him  anything.  He’s  it.  Heaven  has 
heard  my  prayer. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


ACT  i] 


113 


Rosenbaum.  God’s  good  to  His  chosen. 

[He  runs  over  past  Jerry  to  his  chair  at  the  desk. 
Tompkins  brings  a  chair  and  places  it  so  as  to  block 
the  way  should  Jerry  try  to  leave.  Jerry,  seeing 
them,  rises. 

Jerry.  Mr.  Rosenbaum? 

Rosenbaum.  Yes,  yes.  [Jerry  offers  his  card.  Rosen¬ 
baum  takes  it.']  Well,  young  man,  do  you  sing? 

Jerry.  [ Bewildered .]  A  little.  Why? 

Rosenbaum.  What’s  your  voice? 

Jerry.  [ More  bewildered.]  Why — I  don’t  know. 
Tompkins.  That’s  all  right.  He  can  talk  the  song. 
Rosenbaum.  Do  you  tango? 

Jerry.  A  little,  but  isn’t  it - 

Tompkins.  That’s  all  right;  he  can  fake  it.  How  about 
the  uniform? 

Rosenbaum.  Stand  up,  please. 

Jerry.  [Rising.]  Really - 

Rosenbaum.  He  can  let  down  the  pants.  Can  you  act 
at  all? 

Jerry.  No. 

Tompkins.  I’m  glad  you  realise  it. 

Rosenbaum.  [ Pushes  buzzer.]  All  right,  Mr.  Belden. 
I’ll  give  you  seventy-five  dollars  a  week.  [Sadie  enters. 
Rosenbaum  gives  her  Jerry’s  card.]  Here,  Sadie,  make 
out  a  contract  for  seventy-five  dollars.  Come  back  this 
afternoon.  Take  him,  Tompkins. 

[He  rises.  Tompkins  advances,  seizes  Jerry  by  the 
arm,  and  is  starting  to  drag  him  toward  the  door  to 
the  stage  when  Jerry  throws  him  off. 

Jerry.  Wait  a  minute.  Damn  it,  I  tell  you  I’m  not  an 
actor. 

Tompkins.  Didn’t  you  come  here  about  a  part? 

Jerry.  No.  I  came  here  to  see  him  on  business. 
Rosenbaum.  Well,  why  didn’t  you  say  so? 

Jerry.  I  didn’t  get  a  chance. 

Tompkins.  [Bitterly.]  Everybody’s  hand’s  against  me. 


^Usity  of 

LWRARY 


iLUttUti 


114  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  i 

[To  Rosie.]  Send  up  to  the  Winter  Garden  and  get  me  one 
of  those  men  about  town. 

[He  goes  into  his  office.  Sadie  bursts  into  laughter, 
which  Rosenbaum  resents. 

Rosenbaum.  Sadie,  no  laughing  in  business  hours.  [Sadie 
goes. ]  What  do  you  want  to  see  me  about? 

Jerry.  A  matter  of  business. 

Rosenbaum.  Are  you  an  architect? 

Jerry.  No. 

Rosenbaum.  Someone’s  always  trying  to  wish  a  New 
York  theatre  on  me.  What  is  it? 

Jerry.  [ Threateningly .]  You’re  coming  between  me  and 
the  woman  I  love. 

Rosenbaum.  What?  Who  is  she? 

Jerry.  Bettina  Dean. 

Rosenbaum.  [Frightened.']  I’ve  only  seen  the  woman 
twice. 

Jerry.  That  was  enough. 

Rosenbaum.  I  didn’t  say  half  a  dozen  words  to  her. 

[Jerry  comes  toward  the  desk.  A  chair  is  in  his  way; 
he  throws  it  aside  violently  and  leans  over  the  desk , 
his  doubled  fist  within  an  inch  oj  Rosenbaum’s  nose. 
Rosenbaum  is  terrified . 

Jerry.  You’re  deliberately  ruining  her  life’s  happiness. 

Rosenbaum.  [Rising  indignantly.]  It  isn’t  so.  Her 
mother  was  in  this  office  all  the  time. 

Jerry.  Oh,  I  don’t  mean  that. 

[He  turns  away. 

Rosenbaum.  Well,  what  in  blazes  do  you  mean?  Talk¬ 
ing  of  life’s  happiness  and  women  you  love  like  a — like  a 
problem  play. 

Jerry.  You  thought  I  meant  that  she  was  in  love  with 
you?  [He  laughs.]  With  you?  [He  laughs.]  That’s 
funny.  She  wouldn’t  look  at  you. 

Rosenbaum.  Is  that  so!  See  these  grey  hairs?  That’s 
what  I  get  for  being  fascinating  to  women. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


115 


ACT  i] 

[Rosenbaum  sits  at  the  right  of  the  desk.  Jerry 
brings  a  chair  and  sits  across  from  him. 

Jerry.  Betty  ’phoned  me  this  morning.  Said  you’d  sent 
for  her.  Now  what  do  you  want  to  butt  in  like  a  fat¬ 
head — 

Rosenbaum.  One  of  us  is  nutty! 

Jerry.  Betty  says  this  means  good-bye. 

Rosenbaum.  [Rising.]  Come  on;  let’s  you  and  me  go 
up  to  Matteawan. 

Jerry.  [Rising.]  No,  sit  down. 

[He  tries  to  push  Rosenbaum  into  the  chair. 

Rosenbaum.  [Placing  both  hands  on  Jerry’s  arms.] 
Just  a  minute.  Give  me  a  chance  to  duck  when  you  throw  it. 

Jerry.  Throw  what? 

Rosenbaum.  The  bomb. 

Jerry.  Sit  down.  I  haven’t  any  bomb.  Let’s  talk 
money. 

[He  sits. 

Rosenbaum.  Money?  He’s  got  a  lucid  interval.  Have 
you  got  money? 

Jerry.  Lots  of  it. 

Rosenbaum.  Excuse  me  a  minute.  [He  rushes  up  to 
the  door ,  opens  it  and  calls.]  Sadie! 

Sadie.  [Outside.]  What? 

Rosenbaum.  Go  to  lunch. 

Sadie.  [Outside.]  All  right! 

[Rosenbaum  stands  for  an  instant ,  looking  at  Jerry 
speculatively,  then,  smiling,  brings  a  chair  and  places 
it  beside  him. 

Jerry.  Now,  I  don’t  know  anything  about  this  theatrical 
business. 

Rosenbaum.  Don’t  let  that  stop  you  from  going  into  it. 
There’s  a  mint  in  it  for  the  right  fellow. 

Jerry.  I  don’t  want  to  go  into  it. 

Rosenbaum.  [Disappointed.]  Oh! 


[He  sits. 


116  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  i 

Jerry.  Now  I  want  to  fix  up  a  deal  with  you.  How 
much  do  you  want?  Write  your  own  ticket. 

Rosenbaum.  Come  on;  we’ll  begin  all  over  again.  [They 
rise.  Rosenbaum  takes  Jerry’s  hand,  shakes  it  effusively.] 
How  do  you  do,  Mr.  Belden? 

Jerry.  How  do  you  do,  Mr.  Rosenbaum?  Oh,  sit  down! 

[They  sit. 

Rosenbaum.  Now,  there’s  you  and  Miss  Dean  and  me 
and  a  deal  and  some  money  you  want  to  force  on  me. 

Jerry.  I  want  to  marry  Bettina  Dean.  ! 

Rosenbaum.  If  you  want  to  commit  suicide,  I’m  not 
stopping  you. 

Jerry.  Why?  Haven’t  you  engaged  her? 

Rosenbaum.  Sure!  She’s  signed  the  contract. 

Jerry.  [Dejectedly.]  That  settles  it. 

Rosenbaum.  [Surprised.]  How? 

Jerry.  We  could  have  been  married  if  you  hadn’t  given 
her  this  engagement.  I  wanted  her  to  give  up  the  stage. 
Betty  is  willing,  but  Mrs.  Dean  won’t  hear  of  it  until  Betty’s 
had  her  chance  in  New  York.  We’ve  promised  to  wait. 
Now,  what’ll  you  take  to  fire  her? 

Rosenbaum.  What  good  will  that  do? 

Jerry.  We  can  get  married.  Don’t  you  see,  no  other 
New  York  manager  wants  her.  i 

Rosenbaum.  My  God,  have  I  got  a  lemon  and  a  lion 
tamer?  I 

[He  rises. 

Jerry.  [Following  him.]  Oh,  Betty  can  act,  all  right. 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  can  she?  Well,  you  can  get  a  wife 
anywhere,  but  where’ll  I  get  a  leading  woman? 

Jerry.  You’ve  never  been  crazy  about  a  girl. 

Rosenbaum.  Worse  than  that!  I’ve  married  ’em — three 
of  ’em.  One  was  a  leading  woman,  one  was  a  heavy  woman, 
and  one  was  an  ongenoo.  She  was  the  business  woman., 
She  gets  alimony. 

Jerry.  No  use  appealing  to  you  for  sympathy.  You’re 
soured  on  married  life. 


act  i]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  117 

Rosenbaum.  Not  at  all.  You’ve  got  my  sympathy.  I 
know  what  it  is.  These  ongenoos  do  get  you. 

Jerry.  This  one  has  got  me,  you  bet. 

[Rosenbaum  and  Jerry  are  standing  side  by  side,  lost 
in  thought.  Rosenbaum  looks  at  him  sympatheti¬ 
cally. 

Rosenbaum.  Honest,  if  I’d  known,  I’d  have  been  tempted 
to  help  you.  [He  pauses  as  if  struck  with  an  idea.]  Look 
here,  have  you  ever  acted? 

Jerry.  I’ve  fluffed  around  in  college  plays. 

Rosenbaum.  Why  don’t  you  take  this  part  of  the  man 
about  town.  I’ll  give  you  thirty  dollars  a  week. 

Jerry.  That  won’t  be  necessary. 

Rosenbaum.  Well,  come  on  and  take  it. 

Jerry.  I  couldn’t  act. 

Rosenbaum.  Anybody  can  act.  You’d  be  in  the  company 
with  Miss  Dean,  see  her  every  day,  dance  a  tango  with  her 
every  night. 

Jerry.  I  couldn’t  go  on  the  stage.  My  friends  would  josh 
the  life  out  of  me. 

[Their  argument  is  interrupted  by  the  entrance  of 
Mrs.  Dean,  followed  by  Betty. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Mr.  Rosenbaum,  that  man  Tompkins  is 
simply  impossible.  He — —  [She  sees  Jerry.]  What  are 
you  doing  here? 

Jerry.  I  came  to  buy  Betty’s  contract. 

Mrs.  Dean.  What? 

Jerry.  I  don’t  want  her  to  go  on  the  road.  I  hate  travel¬ 
ling. 

Mrs.  Dean.  It’s  too  bad  about  you.  It  isn’t  necessary 
for  you  to  travel. 

Jerry.  Oh,  yes,  it  is!  I’ve  got  to  see  Betty. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Do  you  think  I’d  allow  you  to  trapse  around 
the  country  after  my  daughter?  Travel  on  the  same  train, 
stop  at  the  same  hotel?  Do  you  think  I’m  going  to  have 
Betty  compromised  by  the  attentions  of  an  idle  rich  young 
man? 


118  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  i 

Jerry.  Compromised?  That’s  so.  [To  Rosenbaum.] 
Say,  what  do  you  do  to  go  on  the  stage? 

Rosenbaum.  Just  go. 

Jerry.  I’ll  take  that  part. 

Rosenbaum.  [  Quickly .]  Twenty  a  week? 

[Jerry  and  Rosenbaum  shake  hands  on  the  bargain, 
to  the  astonishment  of  Mrs.  Dean  and  to  the  joy 
of  Betty,  who  runs  across  to  Jerry’s  outstretched 
arms. 


curtain 


THE  SECOND  ACT 


The  parlour  of  the  Palace  Hotel ,  Punxatawney — a  large  room 
with  the  dingy  aspect  and  notable  lack  of  comfort  so 
characteristic  of  the  “one-night  stand ”  hotels  in  Amer¬ 
ica.  At  the  right  of  the  room  is  a  large  window  with 
“stringy”  lace  curtains  over  which  are  faded  green  rep 
hangings,  at  the  left  a  fireplace  and ,  towering  above  it, 
a  black  walnut  mantel  cluttered  with  garishly  coloured 
bric-a-brac,  and  at  the  back  and  to  the  left  a  large 
opening,  showing  a  hall  and  a  flight  of  stairs.  A  round 
table  with  a  spotted  chenille  cover  stands  in  the  centre 
of  the  room  with  chairs  at  the  right,  at  the  left  and  at 
the  back  of  it,  all  of  them  of  different  periods,  alike  in 
that  they  are  equally  uncomfortable.  A  rocking-chair 
at  the  fireplace,  a  horsehair  sofa  at  the  right  of  the 
room,  and,  near  the  window,  a  table  on  which,  in  a 
glass  case,  is  a  moth-eaten  stuffed  bird,  complete  the 
furnishings  of  the  room.  The  wall-paper  in  an  intricate 
design  of  green  and  purple  “cabbages,”  and  fly-specked 
engravings  of  historical  incidents,  preferably  those  de¬ 
picting  death,  enhance  the  general  gloom  which  is  in¬ 
tensified  rather  than  mitigated  by  the  light  of  a  pon¬ 
derous  chandelier .  It  is  half-past  eleven  of  an  evening 
in  October,  six  weeks  having  elapsed  since  the  events 
of  the  preceding  act. 


Rosenbaum,  his  hat  pushed  down  over  his  forehead,  a 
partially  smoked  cigar  hanging  from  the  corner  of  his 
mouth,  his  hands  in  his  pockets,  slouches  in  the  chair 
at  the  right  of  the  table,  a  picture  of  utter  and  aban¬ 
doned  despondency.  The  Night  Clerk,  a  tall,  raw- 
boned  Yankee  with  hair  plastered  in  deep  curves  on 
119 


UNiVt 


HS,T y  of  ILU 

nsfiAur 


120 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  II 

his  brow,  a  heavy,  drooping  moustache,  and  dressed  in 
the  height  of  small-town  fashion,  “featuring”  a  plaid 
waistcoat  and  a  made-up  four-in-hand  tie  in  which  is 
a  cluster  scarf-pin  of  imitation  emeralds  and  diamonds, 
enters  and  approaches  Rosenbaum,  who  turns  and 
regards  him  gloomily. 

Rosenbaum.  Well,  Mr.  Night  Clerk? 

Night  Clerk.  Can’t  find  a  room.  House  is  chock-a- 
block.  Got  two  drummers  sleepin’  on  the  billiard-table  and 
four  old  ladies  in  the  bridal  soot. 

Rosenbaum.  Glad  somebody’s  selling  out.  What’s  the 
attraction? 

Night  Clerk.  This  is  Old  Home  Week  in  Punxatawney. 
Rosenbaum.  Any  other  hotels? 

Night  Clerk.  Everythin’s  full  but  the  jail.  Guess  from 
the  carryin’s  on  tonight,  it’ll  be  full  tomorrow. 

Rosenbaum.  What  about  that  drummer  who  is  going  out? 
Night  Clerk.  He  ain’t  fit  to  go  on  the  midnight.  He 
took  in  a  couple  of  acts  of  that  show,  “The  Wallop,”  at  the 
Opera  House,  and  ever  since  he’s  been  drinkin’  somethin’ 
terrible. 

Rosenbaum.  Where  is  he?  I’ll  join  him.  [He  rises. 
Tompkins  enters .]  Hello,  Tompkins. 

Night  Clerk.  Will  I  fix  a  cot  in  here? 

Tompkins.  [To  Rosenbaum.]  Can’t  you  get  a  room? 
Rosenbaum.  No,  the  hotel  has  a  hit. 

Tompkins.  Go  over  and  take  mine. 

Rosenbaum.  I’ll  take  a  chance  on  the  cot. 

[He  sits. 

Tompkins.  You’ll  never  sleep. 

[He  sits  on  the  other  side  of  the  table. 
Rosenbaum.  Yes,  I  will.  I’ve  got  some  plays  to  read. 
Night  Clerk.  Want  anythin’  else? 

Rosenbaum.  Yes,  a  lot  of  poison. 

Night  Clerk.  [Smiling.]  Rye  or  Scotch? 


act  n]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  121 

Rosenbaum.  Bring  us  a  couple  of  slugs  out  of  that  drum¬ 
mers  bottle. 

[ The  Night  Clerk  goes. 

Tompkins.  I  didn’t  know  you  were  in  front  tonight. 
When  did  you  get  here? 

Rosenbaum.  7:30.  I  went  straight  to  the  theatre. 

Tompkins.  Well,  what  do  you  think  of  the  show? 

Rosenbaum.  I  hate  to  tell  you. 

Tompkins.  As  bad  as  that? 

Rosenbaum.  Worse. 

Tompkins.  Is  it  the  performance? 

Rosenbaum.  No.  As  the  saying  goes,  “You  put  it  over, 
but  it  lay  there  and  it  died.” 

Tompkins.  You  saw  it  with  a  cold  house. 

Rosenbaum.  We’ve  had  three  weeks  of  cold  houses. 

Tompkins.  You  got  my  letter  about  young  Belden? 
You’ve  got  to  let  him  go  if  you’re  going  to  take  this  show 
into  New  York. 

Rosenbaum.  I’m  taking  it  into  New  York — to  Cain’s 
storehouse. 

Tompkins.  Then  we  blow  up? 

Rosenbaum.  Tomorrow  night. 

Tompkins.  [ Laughing  bitterly. ]  I  picked  it  for  a  flivver. 

Rosenbaum.  You  were  a  good  picker. 

Tompkins.  Well,  why  did  you  produce  it? 

Rosenbaum.  I  wanted  to  do  something  for  art. 

Tompkins.  Seems  to  me  the  minute  you  managers  collect 
a  little  loose  change  providing  entertainment  for  the  tired 
business  man,  you  go  bugged  producing  something  for  the 
highbrows. 

Rosenbaum.  I’m  cured.  A  small  cast  and  one  set  of 
scenery:  that’s  going  to  be  my  idea  of  art. 

Tompkins.  [ Picking  up  the  manuscript.']  Is  this  it? 
[ Reading  the  title.]  “A  Drop  of  Poison!” 

Rosenbaum.  No,  that’s  worse  than  “The  Wallop.”  Give 
it  to  me.  I’ll  bury  it. 

[He  rises ,  takes  the  manuscript  and  puts  in  his  travel * 


122  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  ii 

ling  bag  which  is  on  the  sofa.  The  Night  Clerk 
returns  with  a  tray  containing  the  drinks. 

Night  Clerk.  Here  you  are,  gentlemen.  [Rosenbaum 
pays  for  the  drinks.']  Thank  you,  Mr.  Tompkins,  for  them 
passes.  “The  Wallop”  is  some  showl 

Rosenbaum.  Did  you  like  it? 

[He  sits  again. 

Night  Clerk.  Immense. 

Rosenbaum.  Tompkins,  give  it  to  him. 

Tompkins.  No;  he  may  have  a  wife  and  family. 

Night  Clerk.  Of  course,  I  don’t  set  up  to  know  much 
about  shows.  But  you  take  it  from  me - 

Rosenbaum.  He  wants  to  give  it  back  to  us. 

[Tompkins  and  Rosie  drink. 

Night  Clerk.  Maybe  you  don’t  want  me  to  say  what 
I  think? 

Tompkins.  What  you  think  is  going  to  make  a  whole 
lot  of  difference  to  us. 

Night  Clerk.  Your  first  act’s  punk. 

Rosenbaum.  Tompkins,  make  a  note  of  that. 

Night  Clerk.  And  I  don’t  like  your  leadin’  man. 

Tompkins.  Shake,  brother,  shake! 

[He  rises,  grabs  the  Night  Clerk’s  hand  and  shakes 
it,  then  sits  again. 

Night  Clerk.  The  audience  would  a  liked  it  better  if 
there  was  more  to  laugh  at. 

Rosenbaum.  Bring  ’em  around  and  let  ’em  look  at  me. 

Night  Clerk.  There’s  a  lot  of  other  things  I  can’t  think 
of  just  this  minute. 

Tompkins.  [Imploringly .]  Try!  Won’t  you? 

Rosenbaum.  But  don’t  give  yourself  a  headache. 

Night  Clerk.  Oh,  pshaw,  thinkin’  don’t  bother  me.  I’m 
used  to  it.  Always  help  all  the  managers  fix  up  their  shows. 

Rosenbaum.  Tompkins,  he’s  a  lovely  fellow.  If  it 
won’t  interrupt  you,  bring  up  some  sandwiches  and  some 
beer. 

Night  Clerk.  How  many  of  you’s  going  to  celebrate? 


act  n]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  123 

Rosenbaum.  There’ll  be  six  pallbearers. 

Night  Clerk.  Ain’t  you  show  folks  the  kidders? 

[< Chuckling ,  he  goes . 

Tompkins.  Going  to  break  the  sad  blow  to  the  bunch 
tonight? 

Rosenbaum.  Yes.  I  left  word  for  Effie  and  Johnnie, 
the  Deans  and  young  Belden  to  see  me  here.  I  didn’t  want 
to  break  it  to  Mrs.  Dean  alone. 

Tompkins.  Well,  Mathilda’s  going  to  emit  a  yell  that 
would  make  the  roar  of  a  Bengal  tiger  sound  like  the  voice 
of  a  cooing  dove. 

Rosenbaum.  If  she  assaults  me  I  have  witnesses. 
You’ll  join  us? 

Tompkins.  [Rising.]  I’ve  got  to  go  back  to  the  show 
shop.  See  that  the  scenery  gets  out.  Want  me  to  tell  the 
working  staff? 

Rosenbaum.  Yes.  I’ll  tell  the  rest  of  the  company. 
Where’ll  I  find  them? 

[He  rises . 

Tompkins.  Across  the  street  at  the  cheap  hotel. 

[He  goes .  Rosenbaum  is  following  him  dejectedly 
when  Betty  appears  in  street  attire.  She  shakes 
hands  with  Rosenbaum. 

Betty.  Oh,  how  do  you  do,  Mr.  Rosenbaum.  Do  you 
want  to  see  me? 

Rosenbaum.  Yes.  Where  is  your  mother? 

Betty.  She  stopped  at  the  telegraph  office. 

Rosenbaum.  Will  you  wait  here?  I’ll  be  right  back. 

Betty.  Certainly. 

[As  she  moves  towards  the  fireplace,  Jerry  enters 
breezily. 

Jerry.  Well,  Rosie,  how  do  you  feel? 

Rosenbaum.  Like  someone  pushed  me  off  the  Singer 
Building. 

[He  goes .  Jerry,  laughing,  follows  him  to  the  door , 
looks  out  to  see  that  no  one  is  coming,  then  rushes  to 
Betty,  grabs  her  and  kisses  her. 


124< 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  II 


Betty.  Jerry! 

Jerry.  It’s  the  first  chance  I’ve  had  in  six  weeks,  and  I 
may  not  get  another,  so  I’ll  take  a  few  more  now  before 
mother  gets  on  the  job  again. 

[He  kisses  her  again . 

Petty.  Poor  old  Jerry!  To  be  near  his  Betty  did  he 
have  to  be  an  actor? 

Jerry.  This  consoles  me. 

[He  tries  to  kiss  her  again .  Betty  evades  hint  and 
moves  away. 

Betty.  You  won’t  have  to  be  one  much  longer 

Jerry.  [Following  her.]  What  do  you  mean? 

Betty.  We’re  going  to  close. 

Jerry.  Close  what? 

Betty.  The  play’s  a  failure. 

Jerry.  Who  told  you? 

Betty.  No  one.  I  know  the  symptoms.  Mother  will 
be  furious. 

Jerry.  Going  back  to  New  York!  Great!  Come  on 
now,  hip-hip - 

Betty.  I  haven’t  a  “hip-hip”  in  me.  Oh,  I  wish  this 
beastly  play  had  gone  to  New  York  and  failed,  satisfied 
mother  and  set  me  free. 

Jerry.  Free!  Won’t  you  marry  me  now? 

Betty.  No,  I  can’t  go  back  on  my  promise  to  mother. 
I  said  I’d  wait  until  I  had  my  chance  on  Broadway.  It 
will  be  a  case  of  look  for  another  engagement. 

[She  sinks  wearily  onto  the  sofa. 

Jerry.  What!  Me  have  to  act  again? 

[He  falls  into  a  chair. 

Betty.  I’m  afraid  you  wouldn’t  get  the  chance,  dear. 
Not  if  they  saw  you. 

Jerry.  Have  I  made  this  tour  of  darkest  America,  en¬ 
dured  all  the  horrors  of  those  one-night-stands,  no  decent 
beds,  food  that’s  a  crime,  all  that  for  nothing? 

Betty.  I  didn’t  ask  you  to  do  it. 

Jerry.  You  might  have  told  me  I  wasn’t  going  to  have 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


125 


ACT  ll] 

a  minute  alone  with  you.  Can’t  sit  in  the  same  seat  with 
you  on  the  train,  can’t  go  for  a  walk,  can’t  sit  at  the  same 
table,  can’t  even  carry  your  grip  for  fear  of  compromis¬ 
ing  you. 

Betty.  I’m  not  responsible  for  the  etiquette  of  this  pro¬ 
fession. 

Jerry.  Can’t  even  see  you  at  the  theatre.  The  only 
minute  I  get  with  you  is  dancing  that  darn  tango,  and  they 
won’t  let  us  take  an  encore  on  that. 

Betty.  I’m  not  running  the  performance. 

Jerry.  Have  to  stand  around  and  see  that  goggle-eyed 
leading  man  mauling  you  all  over  the  stage.  [He  rises  and 
goes  to  her.]  One  thing  I’ll  do  before  we  close.  I’ll  take 
a  punch  at  him. 

Betty.  And  how  do  you  think  I  like  it? 

Jerry.  Well,  you  act  as  though  you  enjoyed  it. 

[He  walks  away,  sulkily. 

Betty.  [Rising.]  Enjoy  itl  I’ve  had  a  lovely  time  on 
this  trip.  It’s  so  comfortable  to  play  a  love  scene  with 
you  in  one  entrance  glaring  at  me  if  I  play  it  well  and 
mother  in  another  entrance  glaring  at  me  if  I  don’t. 

Jerry.  I  suppose  I  am  a  little  jealous. 

Betty.  A  little?  You’re  full  of  it. 

Jerry.  [Going  to  her.]  Don’t  you  understand?  Betty, 
don’t  you  love  me? 

Betty.  I  don’t  love  anybody,  I  just  want  to  get  mar¬ 
ried. 

[She  turns  to  Jerry,  and  puts  her  head  on  his  shoulder . 

Jerry.  [Putting  his  arms  around  her.]  Come  on,  let’s 
find  a  minister. 

Betty.  I’ve  just  told  you  I’ve  got  to  wait  till  mother 
gets  me  on  Broadway.  [Disgustedly.]  Broadway!  When 
all  I  want  is  a  farm  and  chickens  and  a  little  calf. 

Jerry.  I’ve  only  twenty  thousand  dollars  a  year,  Betty, 
but  I  guess  we  could  run  a  little  farm  on  that.  If  you 
ever  do  give  up  the  stage,  you  won’t  want  to  act  again. 

Betty.  Every  wife  has  to  act  a  little. 


126 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  II 


[She  kisses  him.  The  Night  Clerk  enters  with  a 
tray  on  which  are  bter  and  sandwiches .  They  jump 
apart. 

Jerry.  [ Embarrassed .]  We — we  were  rehearsing. 

Night  Clerk.  Oh,  don’t  mind  me.  I  ain’t  no  scandal 
monger. 

[He  puts  the  tray  on  the  table . 

[ Enter  Effie  and  Johnny  in  rather  dingy  attire. 

Effie.  Hello  children.  Where’s  Mr.  Rosenbaum? 

Night  Clerk.  He  said  not  to  wait.  You  can  wade 
right  in. 

[He  goes . 

Jerry.  Shall  I  open  these  now? 

[He  indicates  the  bottles. 

Johnny.  I’ll  never  have  a  worse  thirst. 

[Jerry  sits  at  the  right  of  the  table  opening  a  bottle 
of  beer;  Betty  takes  a  sandwich  and  sits  on  the 
couch.  Effie  sits  at  the  left  of  the  table  and  begins 
to  munch  sandwiches.  Johnny  goes  over  to  the  fire¬ 
place. 

Effie.  Why  the  feast? 

Johnny.  I  hate  to  be  the  one  to  spread  the  pall  over 
this  merry  gathering,  but  it  looks  to  me  like  a  two  weeks’ 
notice  in  disguise. 

Betty.  Me  too! 

Jerry.  What  makes  you  think  we  close? 

Johnny.  My  boy,  a  bad  play  playing  to  worse  busi¬ 
ness,  and  a  sudden  visit  from  the  manager — well,  when 
you’ve  been  in  the  business  as  long  as  I  have,  you’ll  be  able 
to  put  that  two  and  two  together  without  straining  your 
psychic  powers. 

Effie.  I’ve  been  expecting  it.  We  opened  on  Friday 
the  13th. 

Johnny.  There  was  a  peacock  on  that  garden  drop. 

Betty.  I  always  hated  that  business  of  my  opening  ar 
umbrella. 

Jerry.  I  didn’t  know  that  actors  were  superstitious* 


act  ii]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  127 

Betty.  We’re  not. 

Johnny.  Somebody’s  been  stringing  you. 

Jerry.  Well,  thank  the  Lord,  no  more  dressing  in  the 
flies  for  me. 

Johnny.  It’s  so  long  since  I  dressed  anywhere  else. 
That’s  one  of  the  beauties  of  this  profession,  the  older  you 
grow  the  more  stairs  you  climb. 

Jerry.  Cheer  up,  Johnny,  we  only  live  once. 

Johnny.  And  if  you’re  an  actor  you  only  live  half  the 
time. 

Effie.  [ Tearfully .]  Oh,  what  will  we  do? 

Johnny.  Oh,  why  worry,  when  you  can  be  buried  for 
twenty-five  dollars? 

Effie.  Oh,  Johnny,  don’t. 

[She  begins  to  cry .  Johnny  goes  to  her  quickly  and 
puts  his  arms  about  her. 

Johnny.  Oh,  Effie,  old  girl - 

Effie.  What  would  happen  to  me,  if  anything  happened 
to  you?  Life’s  hard  enough  together.  Oh,  curse  this 
business! 

Jerry.  It’s  a  dog’s  life. 

Betty.  [Rising  and  going  to  Jerry.]  Oh,  no,  all  a  dog 
has  to  do  is  lie  around  and  get  fat.  We  don’t  dare  do 
that. 

Johnny.  Got  to  begin  all  over  again.  The  heart-break¬ 
ing  hunt  for  a  job!  If  you  get  it,  rehearse  for  weeks  with 
nothing  coming  in,  and  your  last  bit  of  savings  going  out 
for  wardrobe.  Then  the  suspense!  Will  it  go?  Will  it 
fail?  It’s  tough  enough  when  you’re  young,  but  it’s  a  hell 
of  a  trade  when  you’re  old. 

Betty.  [Tenderly.]  Not  when  you  grow  old  together, 
Johnny.  That’s  all  we  ask,  isn’t  it,  Jerry? 

[She  puts  her  hand  on  Jerry’s  shoulder;  Jerry  pats 
it  and  kisses  it. 

Johnny.  Jerry’s  different.  I  had  no  right  to  marry 
Effie  when  I  couldn’t  support  her. 


128  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  ii 

Effie.  A  lot  you  had  to  say  about  it.  I  saw  that  you 
were  my  happiness  and  I  grabbed  you. 

Johnny.  [Very  tenderly.']  You’ve  never  regretted  it, 
have  you? 

Effie.  Sometimes  when  you  row  about  the  breakfast 
coffee. 

Johnny.  Stung! 

[He  sits  at  the  back  of  the  table. 

Jerry.  Have  some  beer,  Mrs.  Brinkley? 

Effie.  What  do  you  think,  Johnny?  You  know  how  I 
take  on  weight. 

Johnny.  [Handing  her  a  glass  of  beer.]  Aw,  go  on! 
The  more  there  is  of  you,  the  more  I  love  you. 

Effie.  Johnny,  I  think  you’re  the  nicest  husband  in  the 
world. 

Johnny.  Effie,  if  I  told  you  what  I  think  about  you  it 
would  sound  like  Romeo  at  his  frothiest. 

Effie.  [Giggling.]  Aren’t  we  a  couple  of  old  sillies? 

Betty.  We  think  you’re  a  couple  of  old  dears,  don’t  we, 
Jerry? 

Jerry.  Are  you  going  to  stick  to  me  like  that? 

Betty.  If  you’re  as  nice  as  Johnny. 

Effie.  Hush,  Betty,  he’ll  get  so  puffed  up,  there’ll  be 
no  living  with  him. 

[Betty  laughs  and  moves  to  the  couch.  Jerry  fol¬ 
lows  her.  Rosenbaum  appears.  Johnny,  Effie 
and  Betty  knowing  what  is  coming ,  settle  them¬ 
selves  for  the  blow  which  Rosenbaum  hates  to  de¬ 
liver.  He  hesitates ,  coughs  and  then  begins . 

Rosenbaum.  Well,  children,  in  this  business,  we’ve  got 
to  be  good  gamblers.  This  is  a  very  painful  moment. 
I - 

Jerry.  Oh,  they  all  know  you’re  going  to  close. 

Betty.  Oh,  Jerry,  let  him  read  his  speech. 

Rosenbaum.  What’s  the  use?  He  stole  my  climax. 
I’m  sorry,  people.  You’ve  all  worked  hard  to  help  me  put 
“The  Wallop”  over.  If  the  show  had  a  ghost  of  a  chance, 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


129 


ACT  II] 

I’d  stick.  But  you’ve  seen  the  business.  After  I  give  you 
two  weeks’  salary  and  get  you  home,  I  won’t  be  able  to 
pay  the  first  installment  on  a  two  cent  stamp. 

Betty.  Oh,  Mr.  Rosenbaum,  I’m  so  sorry. 

[She  goes  to  him  and  gives  him  her  hand . 

Jerry.  Me  too.  If  I  can  help  you  out,  old  man. 

Effie.  Oh,  Rosie,  are  you  broke? 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  that’s  all  right.  I  didn’t  have  money 
long  enough  to  get  intimate  with  it. 

[He  sits  at  the  right  of  the  table .  Betty  returns  to 
the  couch  beside  Jerry. 

Jerry.  It  always  struck  me  that  the  only  wallop  in  the 
show  was  in  the  title. 

Effie.  Of  course,  if  there  had  been  more  of  Johnny  and 
me  in  the  piece.  But  our  scene  in  the  last  act  came  too 
late  to  save  it. 

Johnny.  Yes,  and  when  I  showed  the  author  where  he 
could  slide  us  in  here  and  there,  he  handed  me  a  lot  of 
junk  about  “construction.”  The  poor  nut! 

Effie.  [. Indignantly .]  Yes,  and  instead  of  thanking  you, 
you’d  have  thought  Johnny  was  trying  to  tamper  with  his 
deathless  English  prose. 

Rosenbaum.  He  doesn’t  know  that  plays  may  be  writ¬ 
ten  but  that  successes  are  rewritten. 

Johnny.  Yes,  by  actors. 

[Rosie  turns  and  looks  at  Johnny.  Effie  nods  an 
assent  to  the  statement . 

Betty.  He  was  awfully  nice  to  me. 

Jerry.  Why  not?  You  were  the  best  thing  in  his  play. 

Effie.  Rosie,  what’ll  you  do? 

Rosenbaum.  I  guess  I’ll  tackle  the  ten  cent  movies.  If 
I  can’t  be  the  Erlanger  of  the  drama,  I’ll  be  the  Wool- 
worth. 

Johnny.  We  might  try  the  movies,  Effie. 

Effie.  Why,  Johnny,  I  can’t  fall  off  the  Brooklyn 
Bridge  at  my  time  of  life,  at  least,  not  gracefully. 


ISO  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  ft 

[Mrs.  Dean  appears ,  unobserved ,  in  the  door  dressed 
as  in  the  previous  act . 

Mrs.  Dean.  Good  evening,  everybody.  There  you  are, 
Betty.  It’s  bedtime  for  my  little  girl. 

[Jerry,  at  the  sound  of  her  voice ,  jumps  quickly  from 
the  sofa  where  he  has  been  seated ,  his  arm  around 
Betty,  who  rises  in  confusion  and  goes  to  Mrs. 
Dean.  The  others  are  surprised  at  Mrs.  Dean’s 
cheerful  mood . 

Effie.  [ Whispering  across  the  table  to  Rosenbaum.] 
Have  you  broken  the  news  to  Mathilda? 

[Rosenbaum  shakes  his  head . 

Johnny.  [Whispering.]  Go  on.  Get  it  over. 

[Rosenbaum  rises ,  fearing  the  task  ahead  of  him ,  and 
walks  slowly  towards  the  fireplace .  Johnny  and 
Effie  wait  for  the  explosion  from  Mrs.  Dean. 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  Mrs.  Dean. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Joining  him.]  Yes,  Mr.  Rosenbaum. 

Rosenbaum.  [Beginning  his  set  speech.]  In  this  busi¬ 
ness  we’ve  got  to  be  good  gamblers.  This  is  a  very  pain¬ 
ful  moment.  I - 

Mrs.  Dean.  Yes,  we  close. 

Rosenbaum.  [Greatly  surprised .]  You  knew? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Very  pleasantly .]  Yes.  It’s  too  bad. 
We’ve  been  such  a  happy  family. 

Johnny.  Yes,  just  like  a  Zoo. 

[Mrs.  Dean  glares  over  her  shoulder  at  Johnny. 
Effie  reproves  Johnny  with  a  glance. 

Rosenbaum.  I’ve  fallen  down  on  my  promise  to  take 
your  daughter  into  New  York. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Oh,  I  understand  perfectly,  Mr.  Rosenbaum. 
It’s  hard  enough  to  get  New  Yorkers  in  to  see  a  good  play. 
You  can’t  drive  them  in  to  a  bad  one,  unless  you  send  a 
taxicab  with  every  pass. 

[Rosenbaum,  bewildered ,  looks  at  Johnny  and  Effie 
who  are  equally  taken  aback,  then  sits  again  at  the 
right  of  the  table . 


\ct  II]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  131 

Betty.  [ Going  to  her  mother .]  Oh,  mother,  I  thought 
you’d  be  annoyed. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Oh,  my  dear,  to  have  been  associated  with 
a  failure  on  Broadway,  would  have  been  death  to  your 
career. 

Jerry.  What  do  you  mean? 

Mrs.  Dean.  You’ll  all  be  so  glad  to  know  that  Betty’s 
future  is  assured. 

Jerry.  Do  you  mean - ? 

Betty.  Oh,  mother,  am  I  going  to  be  married? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Firmly.]  No.  [Beamingly.]  You’re  go- 
ing  with  Belasco. 

Jerry.  Belasco! 

Betty.  What! 

Mrs.  Dean.  Yes,  I  just  sent  a  wire  accepting  a  part  in 
a  new  production.  To  be  sure  it’s  only  a  bit,  but  better 
a  bit  on  Broadway  than  a  great  part  in  Punxatawney. 
Good  night  everybody.  Come,  Betty. 

[She  and  Betty  start  to  go.  Jerry  follows  them  to 
the  door. 

Jerry.  Betty! 

[Mrs.  Dean  glares  at  Jerry  and  leads  Betty  away. 
Jerry  moves  slowly  down  to  the  fireplace  where  he 
stands  the  picture  of  defection.  The  others  look  at 
him  in  sympathy. 

Johnny.  Isn’t  she  the  fox?  She  felt  this  coming  and 
laid  her  pipes. 

Effie.  [Rising.]  She’s  right  to  think  of  her  girl.  I  wish 
she  would  think  a  little  more  of  you,  boy.  [She  goes  to 
Jerry  and  puts  her  hand  in  his.]  Good  night.  Don’t 
worry.  God  bless  you.  I’ve  handed  that  line  across  so 
often,  but  this  time  no  stage  manager  could  say  I  didn’t 
have  real  feeling  back  of  it. 

Jerry.  And  it  never  landed  harder. 

[Moved,  he  puts  his  arm  around  Effie,  who  is 
crying,  and  takes  her  to  the  door.  Johnny  joins 


132  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  ii 

them  and  puts  his  arm  about  Jerry’s  shoulder  in  a 
sympathetic  hug . 

Johnny.  Good  night,  son.  Take  my  advice,  go  out  and 
put  some  vine  leaves  in  your  hair. 

[They  go,  leaving  Jerry  standing  at  the  door  lost  in 
thought .  He  is  seized  suddenly  by  an  idea  and  runs 
quickly  to  Rosenbaum  who  is  seated,  a  prey  to 
despondency . 

Jerry.  Rosie,  do  you  want  to  make  some  easy  money? 

Rosenbaum.  [Startled.]  Where  is  it?  Who’s  got  it? 

Jerry.  I  have.  I  want  you  to  put  on  a  play  for  me. 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  no,  Jerry.  I’m  too  fond  of  you. 

Jerry.  Then  you’ll  do  this  for  me.  I’ll  guarantee  all 
expenses. 

Rosenbaum.  Pinch  me!  Pinch  me! 

Jerry.  You  get  the  play  and  star  Betty  on  Broadway. 
Are  you  on? 

Rosenbaum.  [Turning  to  Jerry.]  Wait  a  minute.  Isn’t 
there  a  kick  in  this? 

Jerry.  No,  and  what’s  more,  I’ll  give  you  $5,000  cash 
for  yourself  if - 

Rosenbaum.  [Disgustedly.]  If!  Always  there’s  an 
“if.”  Sometimes  I  think  it’s  my  middle  name. 

Jerry.  Five  thousand  dollars,  Rosie,  if  you’ll  guarantee 
me  a — sure  fire  failure! 

Rosenbaum.  He’s  got  his  brain  turned. 

Jerry.  Never  saner  in  my  life.  Didn’t  you  hear  Betty’s 
mother  say  a  moment  ago  that  to  be  associated  with  a  fail¬ 
ure  would  be  death  to  Betty’s  career?  Well,  all  I  want  to 
do  is  to  cover  up  that  career  with  a  couple  of  “  Rests  in 
Peace”  and  a  nice  big  “Gates  Ajar.” 

Rosenbaum.  I  don’t  get  you. 

[He  rises,  dazed,  and  goes  to  Jerry. 

Jerry.  Betty’s  promised  her  mother  that  she  won’t  marry 
me  until  she’s  had  a  chance  on  Broadway.  We  furnish 
the  chance.  A  failure  for  mother  would  mean  wedding 
bells  for  Betty  and  me.  Now  do  you  get  me? 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


133 


ACT  II] 

Rosenbaum.  [Eagerly.]  If  you  want  a  failure,  why  not 
buy  “The  Wallop”? 

Jerry.  Oh,  no,  mother’s  on  to  that,  and  Betty’s  part’s 
not  big  enough.  Come  on,  we’ve  got  to  cinch  this  thing 
tonight.  I  want  quick  action. 

Rosenbaum.  You  got  the  play? 

Jerry.  No.  You’ve  got  to  get  it.  You’ve  got  to  work 
for  that  money. 

Rosenbaum.  I  don’t  believe  I’d  know  how  to  pick  a  fail¬ 
ure. 

Jerry.  [Laughing.]  Kind  regards  to  “The  Wallop.” 

Rosenbaum.  Suppose  Mrs.  Dean  won’t  fall  for  it? 

Jerry.  All  you  got  to  do  with  Mrs.  Dean  is  to  murmur 
the  word  “Star.”  I’ll  send  for  her. 

[He  presses  the  push  button. 

Rosenbaum.  But  we  haven’t  a  play. 

Jerry.  None  kicking  around  any  place? 

Rosenbaum.  [Recollecting.]  Sure,  I  got  a  grip  full  of 
’em. 

[He  gets  his  travelling  bag,  places  it  on  a  chair  beside 
the  table,  opens  it  and  begins  to  lay  the  manuscripts 
on  the  table.  The  Night  Clerk  enters. 

Jerry.  Will  you  go  up  to  Mrs.  Dean’s  room  and  tell  her 
Mr.  Rosenbaum  would  like  to  see  her  here  immediately? 

Night  Clerk.  [Demurring.]  It’s  pretty  late. 

Jerry.  That  won’t  make  any  difference. 

[He  gives  him  a  liberal  tip. 

Night  Clerk.  Well,  if  you  insist.  I  hope  being  actresses 
they  won’t  get  the  idea  that  I’m  try  in’  to  make  improper 
advances. 

Jerry.  Oh,  you  get  out!  [He  goes.]  Here,  Rosie, 
spread  ’em  out.  Now  pick  one! 

Rosenbaum.  What? 

Jerry.  Here,  I’ll  show  you.  Go  it  blind. 

[He  stands  at  the  back  of  the  table  on  which  the  manu¬ 
scripts  are  now  spread  out.  He  puts  his  hand  over 
his  eyes .  Rosenbaum  looks  at  him  and  chuckles . 


134  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  ii 

Rosenbaum.  By  Jiminy,  it’s  as  good  a  way  to  pick  ’em 
as  any. 

Jerry.  Eeny,  meeny,  miney,  mo.  [On  “mo”  he  grabs 
a  manuscript.']  There  you  are.  [He  picks  it  up  and  reads 
the  title  “A  Drop  of  Poison.”  Rosie  roars  with  laughter. 
Jerry  is  bewildered.]  What  is  it?  Is  it  a  comedy? 

Rosenbaum  It’s  a  freak. 

Jerry.  Have  you  read  it? 

Rosenbaum.  [Taking  it.]  Some  of  it.  Listen  to  the 
note  in  red  ink.  [Reads.]  “NOTE:  The  last  act — [he 
roars]  the  last  act  takes  place — [he  roars  again]  the  last 
act  takes  place  eight  years  before  the  opening  of  the 
FIRST.” 

Jerry.  It  listens  like  a  sure  fire  flivver. 

[Jerry  and  Rosenbaum  are  hanging  on  to  each  other 
weak  from  laughter  when  the  Night  Clerk  returns. 

Night  Clerk.  Mrs.  Dean  will  be  right  down. 

Jerry.  [To  Rosie.]  “A  Drop  of  Poison.” 

[They  both  laugh. 

Night  Clerk.  She  asks  you  to  excuse  her  kimony. 

Jerry.  Kimony! 

[They  howl  with  laughter  again ,  to  the  intense  an¬ 
noyance  of  the  Night  Clerk,  who  goes. 

Jerry.  I’ll  get  out  and  let  you  handle  it. 

Rosenbaum.  All  right.  When  I  ring  you’ll  know  it’s 
settled.  I’ll  set  the  stage. 

Jerry.  And  say,  I’m  not  in  on  this. 

Rosenbaum.  Don’t  you  want  to  be  in  the  company? 

Jerry.  I  should  say  not.  I’m  fed  up  on  this  acting 
game.  “A  Drop  of  Poison.” 

[He  laughs  and  disappears. 

[Rosenbaum  has  hastily  put  the  other  manuscripts  in 
the  bag  which  he  conceals  underneath  the  table. 
Then  sitting ,  he  takes  out  his  pocket  handkerchief 
and  opening  the  script  of  “A  Drop  of  Poison”  at  ran - 
dom,  waits  for  the  arrival  of  Mrs.  Dean.  Pres¬ 
ently  there  is  a  knock.  Rosenbaum  is  convulsed 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


135 


ACT  II] 

with  silent  laughter ,  as  he  pretends  to  be  engrossed 
in  the  play .  Mrs.  Dean  knocks  again.  Then  she 
enters,  attired  in  a  faded  pink  kimono,  Rosenbaum 
watching  her  out  of  the  corner  of  his  eye. 

Rosenbaum.  [Sobbing.)  Oh,  what  a  great  play!  My, 
what  a  pathetic  climax! 

[He  sobs  again,  covers  his  eyes  with  his  handkerchief. 
Mrs.  Dean  coughs .  Rosenbaum  wipes  his  eyes,  crosses 
to  Mrs.  Dean,  takes  her  by  the  arm,  leads  her  to  a  chair, 
then  stands  beside  her .  Mrs.  Dean  is  surprised  by  his 
actions.  Rosenbaum  smiles  at  her  ingratiatingly.']  My 
dear  Mrs.  Dean,  I  have  a  proposition  to  make  you. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Bounding  out  of  her  chair.]  Sir! 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  this  is  strictly  business. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Then,  come  to  the  point.  I  don’t  care  to 
have  any  prying  eyes  see  me  in  a  man’s  room  at  the  dead 
of  night  in  my  dishabilly. 

Rosenbaum.  I  have  to  see  you.  I  just  found  the  most 
marvellous  play  for  your  daughter,  the  most  wonderful 
part. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Sneeringly .]  Pardon  me,  Mr.  Rosenbaum, 
but  you  wouldn’t  recognise  a  wonderful  part  if  it  came  up 
and  kissed  you. 

Rosenbaum.  I’ll  give  Betty  anything  she  wants.  I’ll 
take  her  to  New  York.  I’ve  got  the  backing. 

Mrs.  Dean.  I  listened  to  your  siren  song  once,  and  it 
landed  me  in  Punxatawney.  Good  evening. 

[She  starts  to  go. 

Rosenbaum.  Too  bad.  I  was  going  to  star  Bettina. 

[He  sits  in  the  rocking  chair. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Stopping.]  What  did  you  say,  Mr.  Rosen¬ 
baum?  [Rosenbaum  laughs  quietly.  Mrs.  Dean  comes 
to  him.]  What  did  you  say,  Mr.  Rosenbaum? 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  excuse  me.  I  was  just  thinking  how 
Bettina  Dean  in  red  and  yellow  electric  lights  would  look. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Wistfully.]  In  one  row  across  the  front 
of  a  Broadway  theatre. 


136 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  II 


Rosenbaum.  Two  rows  would  be  more  imposing. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Perhaps  it  would.  [ She  sits  at  the  left  of 
the  table .]  I  thought  you  were  broke? 

Rosenbaum,  [j Rising.]  I  can  always  get  backing  for  a 
good  play.  I’ll  give  you  a  guarantee.  I’m  only  producing 
this  to  take  Betty  into  New  York. 

Mrs.  Dean.  What  is  the  play?  Of  course,  there’s  no  use 
my  considering  it  unless  Betty  has  all  the  situations  and  all 
the  climaxes.  If  anybody  else  in  the  play  has  anything  to 
do,  why  be  a  star? 

Rosenbaum.  We’ll  make  it  a  monologue. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Picking  up  the  manuscript  from  the  table .] 
Is  this  it? 

Rosenbaum.  Hadn’t  you  better  wait  until  I  have  it  re¬ 
vised  according  to  your  ideas? 

[He  tries  to  take  the  manuscript . 

Mrs.  Dean.  I’ll  attend  to  that.  Is  the  author  amenable? 

Rosenbaum.  I  think  he’s  an  American. 

Mrs.  Dean.  What  is  the  part? 

Rosenbaum.  [ Puzzled ,  then  taking  a  chance.]  An  un¬ 
happy  wife. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Haven’t  they  been  done? 

Rosenbaum.  I  never  heard  of  one  being  done. 

[Mrs.  Dean  laughs ,  but  her  laugh  dies  as  she  sees  the 
title. 

Mrs.  Dean.  “A  Drop  of  Poison!” 

Rosenbaum.  Don’t  you  like  it? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Impossible! 

Rosenbaum.  Change  it.  Change  it. 

[He  sits  at  the  right  of  the  table. 

Mrs.  Dean.  The  title  should  include  the  name  of  the  star 
part.  [She  looks  at  the  manuscript.]  Dora  Chapman.  Let 
me  see.  Of  course,  being  the  heroine,  she’s  in  trouble. 
I’ve  got  it.  “Dora’s  Dilemma.” 

Rosenbaum.  What’s  a  Dilemma? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Another  name  for  trouble. 

Rosenbaum.  That’s  a  great  title  for  any  play. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


137 


ACT  II  ] 

Mrs.  Dean.  Is  Mr.  Tompkins  going  to  stage  this  piece? 

Rosenbaum.  Under  your  direction.  You  might  as  well 
do  it  first  as  last. 

Mrs.  Dean.  We’ll  do  it  together. 

Rosenbaum.  Then  the  deal’s  on? 

[He  rises,  reaches  his  hand  to  her  across  the  table. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Wait  a  minute.  [Rosie  sits  again.']  Of 
course,  Betty  will  have  the  usual  privilege  of  a  woman  star, 
no  actress  younger  than  herself  in  the  company? 

Rosenbaum.  Certainly. 

Mrs.  Dean.  No  member  of  the  supporting  cast  to  be 
mentioned  in  the  newspapers.  Of  course,  if  one  of  them 
should  die,  we  couldn’t  prevent  a  slight  obituary. 

Rosenbaum.  Anything  else? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Yes,  the  salary. 

Rosenbaum.  I’m  listening. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Two  hundred  dollars  a  week,  all  dresses 
and  51%  of  the  profits,  the  real  profits.  I’ll  look  over  the 
accounts  myself,  and  remember,  Mr.  Rosenbaum,  I  won  a 
prize  at  school  for  arithmetic. 

Rosenbaum.  My,  what  a  head  for  a  Christian! 

[Mrs  Dean  rises,  smiling  effusively,  and  shakes  hands 
with  Rosenbaum,  who  rises. 

Mrs.  Dean.  How  fortunate  for  you  that  we’ve  met — 
we’ll  make  a  lot  of  money  for  you. 

Rosenbaum.  [ Sapiently .]  You’re  going  to  make  $5,000 
for  me,  anyway. 

[Betty  enters. 

Betty.  Mother,  what  are  you  doing?  Aren’t  you  ever 
coming  to  bed? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Rushing  to  her.]  Oh,  Betty  dear,  the  most 
wonderful  news!  You’re  going  to  be  a  star! 

Betty.  [Indifferently .]  Am  I? 

Mrs.  Dean.  But,  darling,  aren’t  you  excited? 

Betty.  No,  I’m  sleepy.  Who’s  going  to  star  me? 

[She  sits  in  the  rocking-chair. 


Rosenbaum.  Me. 


138  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  ii 

Betty.  [Rocking.]  I  thought  we  were  going  with  Be- 
lasco? 

Mrs.  Dean.  When  you  can  go  with  Mr.  Rosenbaum? 
The  ideal 

[Rosenbaum  smiles  conceitedly . 

Betty.  [Yawning  as  she  rocks.]  It’s  all  the  same  to  me. 

Mrs.  Dean.  You’re  going  to  have  everything  you  want. 

Betty.  [Hiding  a  smile.]  Oh,  I  am?  Will  I  have  my 
say-so  about  who’s  in  the  company? 

Rosenbaum.  Certainly.  Certainly. 

Betty.  Then  I  want  Effie  and  Johnnie. 

[She  rocks.  Mrs.  Dean  looks  at  Rosie,  who  nods 
assent. 

Mrs.  Dean.  If  there’s  a  place  for  them. 

Betty.  [Firmly.]  I’ll  make  one.  And  I  want  Jerry. 

[Mrs.  Dean,  dismayed ,  turns  to  Rosie,  who  signifies 
consent. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Of  course,  if  there’s  a  very  small  bit. 

Betty.  No  bits.  He’s  going  to  play  the  lead. 

[Mrs.  Dean  and  Rosie  are  paralysed. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Recovering .]  Do  you  want  to  handicap 
your  career? 

Betty.  If  any  other  man  makes  love  to  me  on  the  stage 
it  handicaps  me  in  real  life  with  Jerry. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Betty,  listen  to  reason.  [To  Rosenbaum.] 
This  isn’t  like  my  little  girl. 

Betty.  Your  little  girl’s  enough  like  you  to  put  her  foot 
down  and  put  it  down  hard.  You  want  me  to  star  and  I 
want  to  marry  Jerry.  He  is  either  going  to  be  my  leading 
man  or  my  husband.  You  can  take  your  choice. 

[She  rocks. 

Rosenbaum.  Mrs.  Dean,  come  here  a  moment. 

[Mrs.  Dean  goes  to  him.  He  takes  her  aside . 

Betty.  You  two  needn’t  try  to  put  up  any  schemes. 

Rosenbaum.  [ Whispering .]  Why  not  let  him  play  it? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Whispering.]  Have  you  gone  crazy,  too? 

Rosenbaum.  Don’t  you  see,  if  she  has  a  good  leading 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


139 


ACT  II] 


man,  it  won’t  be  such  a  walk-over  for  her.  The  worse  he 
is,  the  more  she’ll  shine. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Smiling.]  You’re  a  very  bright  man,  Mr; 
Rosenbaum. 

Rosenbaum.  Yes,  I  think  so,  but  maybe  I’m  partial. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Going  to  Betty.]  It’s  all  right,  Betty; 
you  shall  have  your  wish,  but  it’s  a  frightful  risk. 

Betty.  [Rocking.]  I’ll  teach  him  to  play  it. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Vindictively .]  And  I’ll  rehearse  him  in  it 
until  he  drops. 

[Jerry,  enteringy  stops  at  the  sight  of  them.  Rosie 
and  Jerry  exchange  glances.  Betty  rises  and  runs 
to  Jerry. 

Betty.  Oh,  Jerry,  we’re  not  going  to  be  separated!  I’m 
going  to  star  [Jerry  smiles]  and  you’re  going  to  be  my 
leading  man. 

Jerry.  What! 

[Amazed,  he  looks  at  Rosie,  who  moves  away . 

Betty.  My  leading  man! 

Jerry.  [ Furiously .]  Me?  I  am  not! 

[He  turns  away. 

Betty.  Why,  Jerry! 

Jerry.  Not  by  a  darn  sight. 

[He  starts  angrily  for  Rosenbaum,  Betty  towards 
the  door ,  followed  by  Mrs.  Dean  and  Rosenbaum. 

Rosenbaum.  There  goes  my  $5,000.  Wait,  wait! 

[Mrs.  Dean  brings  Betty  back  and  Rosenbaum 
returns  to  Jerry. 

Betty.  I  won’t  star  for  anybody,  unless  he  plays  the  lead. 

Jerry.  No,  sir;  not  on  your  life. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Dramatically.]  This  is  the  man  who  pre¬ 
tends  to  love  my  daughter,  and  yet  he  spurns  the  great 
honour  that  is  being  thrust  upon  him. 

Jerry.  I  do  love  your  daughter.  I’m  willing  to  do  any¬ 
thing  in  reason  to  make  any  sacrifice  to  prove  that  love, 
but  act  again!  No!  There  are  limits  even  to  my  en¬ 
durance  I 


140  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  ii 

Mrs.  Dean.  You  love  her  and  yet  you  stand  by  and  see 
her  refuse  a  great  opportunity!  The  opportunity  for  which 
I’ve  spent  years  of  watchful  waiting.  You’ll  ruin  a  great 
career,  ruin  all  my  hopes,  my  dreams,  because  of  a  childish 
prejudice  against  the  noble  art  of  acting.  If  you  have  no 
thought  of  her,  have  pity  on  me,  her  mother.  For  God’s 
sake,  be  her  leading  man! 

Rosenbaum.  [ Whispering .]  Go  on,  do  it,  and  we’ll  have 
a  sure-fire  failure. 

Jerry.  [ Grasping  the  idea.]  Mrs.  Dean,  if  I  do  this  for 
you,  if  I  beat  a  lot  of  fool  lines  into  my  brain,  if  I  go  on 
painting  my  face  like  a  chorus  girl,  what  will  you  do  for 
me? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Try  and  make  an  actor  of  you! 

Jerry.  Oh,  my  God! 

[Aghast,  he  jails  back  against  the  table . 


curtain 


THE  THIRD  ACT 


Scene  One:  The  Dress  Rehearsal . 

The  stage  of  a  Broadway  Theatre  at  four  a.  m.  of  a  Mon¬ 
day  in  October  during  the  dress  rehearsal  of  -‘Dora’s 
Dilemma,”  which  began  at  eight  o?  clock  of  the  previous 
evening  and  is  still  in  progress .  The  scene  when  com¬ 
pleted  is  to  represent  a  handsomely  decorated  and  fur¬ 
nished  library,  the  ivalls  panelled  in  wood  to  a  certain 
height,  above  which  is  a  frieze  of  tapestry .  It  is  now 
partially  finished .  At  the  back  is  an  opening  obviously 
designed  to  contain  a  large  window  in  several  sec¬ 
tions  as  one  of  them  with  leaded  glass  panes  is  in  place. 
Through  this  opening  can  be  seen  a  garden  back  drop, 
lowered  only  half  way,  an  electric  light  border,  and 
beyond  and  below  them  the  back  wall  of  the  theatre. 
Against  this  wall  are  stacked  several  pieces  of  scenery, 
the  unpainted  side  turned  towards  the  spectators  and 
stencilled  with  the  words,  uBettina  Dean  Co”  At  the 
rear  and  at  the  left  of  the  window  is  a  door  leading 
to  a  hall.  The  backing  to  represent  the  hall  is  not 
in  place.  At  the  lower  left  is  a  door,  the  frame  and  the 
door  are  unpainted.  At  the  right  of  the  stage  is  an 
opening  for  a  fireplace  in  which  a  fire  is  lighted,  but 
there  is  no  backing,  andirons  nor  logs,  so  that  the 
ubaby”  spot  which  furnishes  the  effect  of  a  fire-glow 
is  plainly  visible .  There  is  a  door  at  the  upper  right 
of  the  room.  The  ceiling  of  the  room  is  not  in  place, 
the  (<lines”  holding  it  plainly  visible.  There  is  a  large 
couch  placed  at  right  angles  to  the  fireplace,  on  the 
opposite  side  of  the  room  a  table  desk  with  a  desk 
chair,  its  back  to  the  spectators.  Another  chair  is  at 
the  right  of  the  desk.  Below  the  door  at  the  left, 
141 


142 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  in 

against  the  wall ,  is  a  high-backed  chair  and  one  similar 
in  style  at  the  right  of  the  room  below  the  fireplace. 
These  chairs  are  in  the  process  of  upholstery ,  the  ma¬ 
terial  applied  on  the  arms  and  the  backs,  but  the  seats 
are  still  in  muslin.  An  arm-chair,  covered  in  velvet, 
stands  at  the  right  of  the  window.  There  are  no  dra¬ 
peries  and  the  cushion  of  the  window  seat  has  not  been 
covered. 

Before  the  curtain  is  raised  there  can  be  heard  a  confused 
murmur  of  voices  as  though  an  act  of  a  play  was  in 
progress.  When  it  is  raised  the  room  is  dimly  lighted 
as  though  by  the  effect  of  lamplight  and  firelight.  The 
people  on  the  stage  are  made  up  as  the  characters  they 
represent  in  “Dora’s  Dilemma”:  Johnnie  Brinkley 
as  Chapman,  wearing  a  moustache,  a  grey  wig  and  a 
morning  coat,  vest  and  striped  trousers;  Jerry  as  Dick 
Bennett,  in  dinner  clothes  and  cap;  Billings,  a  stocky 
individual  in  a  policeman’s  uniform,  and  Betty  as  Dora 
Chapman,  in  an  evening  gown.  Tompkins  as  Hen¬ 
derson,  the  butler,  in  livery  but  in  his  shirt-sleeves, 

-  leans  against  the  door  at  the  back.  He  is  holding  the 
prompt  copy  of  “Dora’s  Dilemma”  with  which  he  is 
following  the  action  of  the  play.  Johnny  is  standing 
in  front  of  the  desk,  Billings  at  the  right  of  it.  Jerry 
in  the  centre  of  the  room,  facing  Johnny;  Betty  be¬ 
hind  the  couch,  on  which  is  Jerry’s  overcoat.  Their 
attitudes  are  tense,  their  speech  excited ,  as  they  are 
at  the  climactic  moment  of  the  third  act  of  “Dora’s 
Dilemma.” 

Johnny.  [To  Henderson.]  “Turn  on  those  lights.” 
[To  Billings.]  “Search  him!” 

Billings.  [Advancing  to  Jerry  and  threatening  him 
with  a  pistol.']  “Hold  up  your  hands!  Hold  up  your 
hands!” 

Betty.  Rushing  down  between  Billings  and  Jerry, 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


143 


ACT  III] 

holding  aloft  the  papers.']  “Stop!  Here  are  the  bonds.  I 
am  the  thief!  ’’ 

[Tompkins  gives  the  signal  for  the  curtain.  Betty, 
Billings  and  Johnny  hold  the  pictur%  which,  to 
their  disgust,  Jerry  breaks  by  pivoting  to  the  front 
and  smiling.  Betty  hands  the  bonds  to  Johnny 
wearily.  He  puts  them  on  the  desk  as  the  curtain 
falls. 

Rosenbaum.  [At  the  rear  of  the  auditorium.]  Take  your 
curtain  up. 

[There  is  a  pause. 

Tompkins.  [Behind  the  cutrain,  and  in  a  loud  tone.] 
Say,  you,  come  on  up  with  that  curtain. 

[The  curtain  rises  slowly,  then  Mrs.  Dean  enters  from 
the  door  at  the  left  and,  coming  to  the  footlights, 
shades  her  eyes  from  their  glare  and  peers  out  into 
the  auditorium . 

Mrs.  Dean.  Oh,  Mr.  Rosenbaum! 

Rosenbaum.  What  is  it? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Take  one  good  look  at  this  scenery  and  then 
come  on  the  stage,  please! 

[Johnny  and  Billings  exchange  glances,  then  go. 
Tompkins  moves  down  to  the  chair  at  the  right  of 
the  desk,  and  sits,  looking  at  the  manuscript.  Betty 
is  pinning  up  her  train  with  a  long  safety-pin . 

Betty.  Mother,  how  was  the  climax  that  time? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Electrical! 

[She  puts  her  arm  around  Betty’s  shoulder  and  starts 
to  the  couch. 

Jerry.  [To  Mrs.  Dean.]  How  was  I? 

Mrs.  Dean.  You  were  awful! 

[She  crosses  to  the  couch .  Betty  sits  at  the  left  end 
of  it.  Mrs.  Dean  stands  beside  her.  Enter,  from 
the  door  at  the  left,  Granby  Smith,  the  author,  a 
tall,  harassed-looking  individual  in  a  lounge  suit , 
outing  shirt  and  soft  hat.  He  comes  to  Jerry. 

Smith.  Mr.  Belden! 


144  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  hi 

Jerry.  [ Going  to  him.]  Yes,  Mister  Author. 

Smith.  Are  3^0  u  deliberately  trying  to  kill  my  play? 

Jerry.  Am  I  as  bad  as  that? 

Smith.  Bad!  [He  groans  and,  going  over  to  Tompkins, 
jerks  the  manuscript  out  of  his  hand.]  Let  me  look  at 
what’s  left  of  my  script. 

[Tompkins  looks  at  him  sneeringly.  Smith  glowers 
at  him  and  sits  on  the  edge  of  the  desk,  poring  over 
his  play .  Rosenbaum  enters,  passing  Smith,  who 
glares  at  him,  and  goes  to  Jerry,  who  leads  him  out 
of  the  others’  hearing . 

Jerry.  Oh,  Rosie!  How  is  “Dora’s  Dilemma”? 

Rosie.  It’s  a  crime. 

[ They  laugh. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Mr.  Rosenbaum,  that  act  ought  to  make 
them  sit  up  and  take  potice. 

Rosie.  It’s  great!  Great!  [Turning  to  Smith.]  Eh, 
Smith? 

Smith.  It’s  a  great  act,  if  it’s  acted! 

[He  throws  the  manuscript  on  the  desk,  takes  a  chair, 
places  it  below  the  tormentor  at  the  left  edge  of 
the  proscenium  arch,  where  he  sits,  his  head  buried 
in  his  hands .  Rosenbaum  and  Jerry  laugh.  Mrs. 
Dean  starts  to  the  left .  Jerry  turns  and  bumps 
into  her . 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Exasperated.]  Mr.  Belden,  will  you  sit 
down?  [Jerry  crosses  and  sits  on  the  floor  below  the  tor¬ 
mentor  at  the  right  edge  of  the  proscenium  arch.]  Mr. 
Tompkins,  get  that  scene  painter! 

[Tompkins  looks  at  Mrs.  Dean  disgustedly,  then  turns 
in  his  chair  at  the  desk  and  yells. 

Tompkins.  Painter!  Painter! 

Mrs.  Dean.  Mr.  Rosenbaum!  This  scenery  is  in  awful 
shape.  We’ll  never  be  ready  for  tonight! 

Rosenbaum.  Well,  you  wanted  a  new  production  for  N ew 
York  and  you  got  it. 

[He  joins  Smith. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


145 


ACT  III] 

[Enter  from  the  rear  door  the  Scene  Painter,  an 
emaciated,  dejected-looking  person,  carrying  a  paint 
pail,  a  colour  sheet  and  a  brush. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Yelling.]  Oh,  Scene  Painter!  [He  comes 
down  wearily  and  stands  beside  her,  looking  at  her  va¬ 
cantly.]  I  wish  to  remind  you  that  we  open  tonight.  That 
door  isn’t  painted.  We  have  no  back  drop.  [Very  sarcas¬ 
tically .]  Mere  details. 

[He  looks  at  her  slowly,  then  yawns  in  her  face.  Mrs. 
Dean,  furious,  is  about  to  address  him  violently,  but 
her  words  are  lost  in  the  noise  of  a  loud  hammering 
begun  at  the  rear  door  by  Maginnis,  a  burly  stage 
carpenter,  wearing  overalls  and  a  cap.  Mrs.  Dean 
brushes  the  Scene  Painter  aside  impatiently  and 
begins  yelling  at  Maginnis,  who  pays  no  attention 
to  her.  The  Scene  Painter  goes  up  to  the  door  at 
right,  looks  at  it,  then  places  his  pot  of  paint  and  the 
colour  sheet  on  a  chair  by  the  window,  selecting, 
naturally,  the  only  chair  that  has  been  covered  with 
velvet  and  that  might  be  damaged.  Then  he  walks 
out  of  the  door  at  the  right,  wearily.  Mrs. 
Dean  continues  to  try  to  make  herself  heard  above 
the  din  of  the  hammering.  Tompkins  finally  comes 
to  her  rescue. 

Tompkins.  Maginnis! 

Maginnis.  [ Truculently .]  Well? 

Mrs.  Dean.  If  that  door  squeaks  tonight  in  my  daugh¬ 
ter’s  big  scene,  tomorrow  I’ll  be  sending  you  a  wreath  of 
Immortels. 

Maginnis.  [Getting  paper  of  tobacco  out  of  his  pocket 
and  taking  a  chew.]  Don’t  worry;  it’ll  be  all  right  to¬ 
night. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Bitterly.]  Everything’ll  be  all  right  to¬ 
night! 

Maginnis.  Yes’sum,  I  hope  the  play  will. 

[He  winks  at  Tompkins  as  he  goes. 

[Mrs.  Dean  turns  and  sees  Jerry  sitting  beside  Betty. 


146 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  III 


She  glares  at  him.  He  rises  quickly  and ,  going  to 
the  window-seat,  lies  on  it.  Mrs.  Dean  having 
settled  him,  turns  and  sees  Ike  Goldman,  the  Elec¬ 
trician,  entering  at  the  lejt  door.  He  is  tall  and 
rather  pleasant-looking.  His  shirt-sleeves  are  rolled 
up,  showing  that  his  hands  and  arms  are  stained  yel¬ 
low  and  red  by  the  dyes  in  which  he  has  been  dip¬ 
ping  the  electric  light  bulbs  that  he  is  carrying.  He 
starts  to  talk  to  Tompkins  when  Mrs.  Dean  inter¬ 
rupts  him. 

Mrs.  Dean*  [Severely. ]  Electrician!  The  stage  was 
much  too  dark  in  this  act.  More  light,  please. 

[She  turns  and  joins  Betty. 

Goldman.  [To  Tompkins.]  I  should  think  she’d  want 
to  hide  this  act. 

Tompkins.  Don’t  worry;  it’ll  be  buried  tonight!  Give 
us  your  foots. 

Goldman.  [Calling  off  left.]  Oh,  Jimmy,  come  on  up 
with  your  foots! 


[He  goes. 

Hickson,  the  Property  Man,  a  stout  young  man  with 
a  disagreeable  cast  of  countenance  and  an  overbear¬ 
ing  manner,  comes  in  the  door  at  the  right,  followed 
by  his  assistant ,  Steve,  a  small ,  slight ,  meek  youth. 
They  are  wearing  sack  suits  and  soft  hats.  Hickson 
goes  quickly  to  the  window-seat  where  Jerry  is  ly¬ 
ing.  Hickson  unceremoniously  brushes  Jerry  off 
the  seat  and  climbs  on  it.  Jerry  picks  himself  up 
and  bows  elaborately  to  Hickson,  who  sneers  at  him, 
then  begins  to  take  a  measurement  of  the  window 
with  a  foot-rule  which  his  minion,  Steve,  has  car¬ 
ried  on.  Mrs.  Dean,  turning,  sees  him. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Oh,  Property-man!  Property-man! 

[Hickson  pays  no  attention  to  her . 

Tompkins.  Hickson! 

Hickson.  [Measuring  the  window.]  Well? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Where  are  the  pictures  for  this  act? 


act  hi]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  147 

Hickson.  [To  Steve.]  Six  foot,  four  inches.  [To  Mrs. 
Dean.]  What  pictures? 

Tompkins.  The  ones  I  ordered. 

[Hickson  jumps  off  the  window-seat ,  grabs  the  prop¬ 
erty  list  from  Steve’s  hand  and  gives  him  the  ruler . 
He  comes  down  to  Mrs.  Dean. 

Hickson.  [ Insolently .]  Anyone  show  me  any  pictures  on 
that  list,  I’ll  give  ’em  a  nice  little  kiss.  What  pictures  do 
you  want? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Placating  him.]  Can  you  get  me  a  few  fine 
old  masterpieces? 

Hickson.  Sure!  The  property  room  is  just  full  of  ’em. 
Come  on,  Steve. 

[Steve  goes  out  the  door  at  the  right .  Jerry  is  stand¬ 
ing  there .  Hickson,  following  Steve,  throws  Jerry 
out  oj  the  way.  Jerry  shakes  his  fist  at  Hickson, 
follows  him ,  but  returns  immediately. 

Rosenbaum.  Mrs.  Dean,  the  author  has  an  idea. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Let  me  get  it  before  he  loses  it. 

[She  joins  Rosenbaum  and  Smith  at  the  proscenium 
arch  at  the  left. 

Rosenbaum.  Tompkins,  call  the  company. 

Tompkins.  Everybody  on  stage,  please. 

[He  rises  wearily . 

Betty.  [Rising.]  Jerry,  how  do  you  like  my  dress? 

[She  unpins  the  train ,  letting  it  fall  on  the  floor ,  and 
walks  up  and  down. 

Jerry.  Immense! 

Betty.  I’m  just  mad  about  the  train. 

[She  moves  to  the  right.  Jerry  follows  her. 

Tompkins.  [Yelling.]  Everybody  on  stage,  please! 
[The  members  of  the  company  appear  at  the  various  en¬ 
trances.]  Oh,  come  on! 

[He  glowers  at  them ,  but  it  has  no  effect.  They  stroll 
on.  Miss  Donahue,  a  tally  beautiful  blonde  in  an 
elaborate  and  extremely  decollete  dress;  Miss  Far¬ 
rington,  a  red-headed  divinity ,  gorgeously  attired; 


148  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  iii 

Miss  Toby,  a  pretty ,  girlish  brunette  in  a  maid's 
costume ,  and  Effie,  looking  remarkably  well  in  a 
dark  blue  velvet  evening  gown ,  advance  to  the  foot¬ 
lights  and,  placing  their  hands  below  their  eyes,  look 
out  over  them  into  the  auditorium.  Jerry  comes 
over  to  them . 

Jerry.  Girls,  you  look  great  1  Effie,  if  Ziegfeld  ever  sees 
you,  you’re  gone! 

[Billings  comes  hurrying  in  from  the  door  at  the  left , 
followed  by  Johnny.  They  join  the  group.  Jerry 
goes  over  to  Betty,  whispers  to  her.  She  turns  and 
sees  that  Mrs.  Dean  is  busily  engrossed  with 
Rosenbaum  and  Smith,  then,  taking  Jerry’s  arm , 
they  run  out  through  the  door  at  the  right.  Effie, 
Miss  Donahue,  Billings,  Miss  Toby,  Johnny, 
Miss  Farrington  and  Tompkins,  who  is  leaning 
against  the  desk ,  are  lined  up  from  right  to  left. 
They  shift  wearily  from  one  foot  to  another ,  yawn¬ 
ing. 

Effie.  [Yawning.]  What  time  is  it? 

[Billings  shoves  up  the  sleeve  of  his  policeman's 
uniform  and  looks  at  his  wrist  watch. 

Billings.  [In  a  pronounced  English  accent .]  A  bit  after 
four. 

Farrington.  If  I’m  going  to  keep  this  job,  my  dressing- 
room  ought  to  have  a  cot  and  a  kitchenette. 

Miss  Donahue.  My  Gawd,  and  there  are  people  who 
want  to  go  on  the  stage! 

Tompkins.  [Sarcastically .]  Where  do  you  horn  in? 

Miss  Donahue.  Mr.  Rosenbaum  insisted  that  he  needed 
my  personality  to  put  this  piece  over. 

Tompkins.  [To  Mrs.  Dean.]  Who  do  you  want  in  this 
act? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Over  her  shoulder .]  I  have  suggestions  for 
all  of  you. 

[She  turns  again  to  Smith. 


ACT  III]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  149 

Johnny.  She’s  the  woman  who  put  the  hearse  in  re¬ 
hearsal! 

[ He  sits  in  the  chair  at  the  desk. 

Rosenbaum.  Tompkins,  fetch  the  script. 

[Tompkins  takes  the  manuscript  to  Rosenbaum,  who 
abetted  by  Mrs.  Dean  begins  to  browbeat  the 
author . 

Miss  Toby.  What  are  they  going  to  do? 

Effie.  [ Sarcastically .]  I  suppose  they’re  going  to  rewrite 
the  piece  again  and  give  Dora  another  dilemma. 

Miss  Donahue.  If  it  isn’t  right  now,  with  three  weeks’ 
rehearsal  and  two  weeks  on  the  road,  I  can  see  where  I 
go  back  to  manicuring. 

[Effie  goes  up  to  the  couch  and  puts  on  Jerry’s  over¬ 
coat ,  which  is  thrown  across  it. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [To  Smith.]  Just  let  that  suggestion  pene¬ 
trate,  if  it  can. 

[She  crosses  over  and  stands  in  front  of  the  company. 
In  her  hand  are  slips  of  paper  on  which  she  has  made 
memoranda. 

Tompkins.  Now,  children! 

Rosenbaum.  [Following  Mrs.  Dean.]  Mrs.  Dean  has 
some  valuable  suggestions. 

[The  company  look  at  one  another  disgustedly.  Tomp¬ 
kins  sits  on  the  left  end  of  the  desk.  Smith,  in  his 
chair  at  the  proscenium  arch ,  groans  loudly.  Every¬ 
one  looks  at  Smith. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [To  Smith.]  Mr.  Smith,  are  you  in  pain? 

Smith.  Would  it  matter  to  anybody  if  I  were? 

[Hickson  and  Steve  return  through  the  door  at  the 
right,  carrying  the  “masterpieces.”  Steve  comes 
down  between  Effie  and  Miss  Donahue.  Hickson 
comes  down  between  Miss  Farrington  and  Miss 
Toby.  They  push  the  actresses  aside  rudely. 

Rosenbaum.  [Going  to  Hickson.]  What  is  it? 

Hickson.  Here’s  your  masterpieces.  Show  ’em,  Steve! 

[Steve  turns  the  picture  face  out  to  the  audience.  It 


150 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  in 

is  a  badly  painted  watermelon  with  a  slice  cut  out 
of  it .  Hickson  turns  the  picture  he  is  carrying . 
It  is  a  plate  of  lemons . 

Rosenbaum.  [ Pointing  to  Hickson’s  picture.']  Say, 
what  is  that? 

Hickson.  [To  Rosenbaum.]  A  plate  of  lemons.  [Look¬ 
ing  at  Smith.]  I  thought  it  was  appropriate. 

[Smith  rises  and  rushes  to  the  centre .  Rosenbaum 
stops  him.  Steve  and  Hickson  look  indifferently 
at  Smith. 

Steve.  Who’s  the  string-bean? 

Hickson.  [Indicating  Smith.]  That?  It’s  the  author, 
the  poor  simp!  Come  on. 

[Rosenbaum  takes  Smith  back  to  the  chair ,  while 
Hickson  and  Steve  push  their  way  between  the 
actresses  again  and  go.  Effie  settles  herself  com¬ 
fortably  in  the  comer  of  the  couch . 

Rosenbaum.  [Advancing.]  Attention,  please.  Now 
Mrs.  Dean — — 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Consulting  notes.]  Oh,  where  was  I?  Oh, 
yes,  Miss  Toby!  [Miss  Toby,  who  is  made  up  like  a 
“vamp”  with  very  red  lips  and  a  very  white  face,  walks 
down  centre .  Mrs.  Dean  leads  her  down  to  the  foot¬ 
lights. ]  My  dear,  more  red  on  your  cheeks,  and  less  on 
your  lips.  I  know  that  your  home  life  is  beyond  re¬ 
proach,  but  if  you’re  going  to  look  like  that,  no  one  in  the 
audience  will  believe/it.  [Miss  Toby  shrugs  her  shoulder , 
goes  up  and  sits  on  window-seat .]  Miss  Farrington. 
[Miss  Farrington,  who  is  talking  to  Billings,  pays  no 
attention  to  Mrs.  Dean.]  Miss  Farrington!  [Miss 
Farrington  walks  down  left  of  Mrs.  Dean  in  a  very  in¬ 
solent  manner.]  When  you’re  introduced  to  the  gentlemen 
in  this  act,  smile  pleasantly.  Don’t  try  to  lure  them  to 
destruction.  [Miss  Farrington  is  furious.  She  joins  Miss 
Toby  on  the  window-seat  I]  Oh,  Miss  Donahue!  Step 
down,  please!  [Miss  Donahue  walks  down  to  the  foot¬ 
lights.]  Now,  would  you  turn  around,  please?  [Mias 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


151 


ACT  III] 

Donahue  turns.  She  is  in  an  evening  dress,  which  is  cut 
to  the  “limit”  in  the  back.\  Are  you  dressed  for  the  opera, 
or  exposed  for  an  operation? 

Miss  Donahue.  [Very  languidly .]  My  public  is  used 
to  seeing  a  great  deal  of  me. 

Rosenbaum.  [Winking  at  Tompkins.]  They’re  not  go¬ 
ing  to  be  disappointed. 

[Miss  Donahue  smiles  at  Rosenbaum.  Billings 
puts  his  monocle  in  his  eye  and,  staring  at  her,  fol¬ 
lows  her  up  to  the  window-seat. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Oh,  Effie!  Effie!  [Effie,  rising,  drops  the 
overcoat  from  her  shoulders  and  walks  down  to  Mrs.  Dean, 
who  turns  to  Rosenbaum.]  Don’t  you  think  she  looks  a 
little  young? 

Effie.  It’s  not  my  fault  if  I’ve  retained  my  youth  and 
beauty. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Snapping  at  her.]  Mr.  Belden  is  supposed 
to  be  your  son. 

Effie.  I  could  have  been  married  when  I  was  sixteen. 

Rosenbaum.  It’s  my  fault.  I  told  her  to  cut  out  the 
grey  hair.  Who  wants  to  look  at  an  old  woman,  if  they 
don’t  have  to? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Satirically.]  You  seem  to  forget  that  she’s 
a  broken-hearted  mother.  Trouble  seems  to  make  her  hair 
grow  brighter.  [Effie  looks  at  her  indignantly,  and  walks 
away.  Mrs.  Dean  goes  towards  Johnny.  She  beckons 
to  Rosenbaum.]  What’s  the  matter  with  Johnny’s  nose? 

Rosenbaum.  I  don’t  know.  Let’s  look  at  it.  [Calling.] 
Johnny! 

[Johnny,  who  has  been  asleep  in  the  chair  beside  the 
desk,  rouses  himself,  then  comes  down  to  Rosen¬ 
baum  and  Mrs.  Dean.  They  look  at  him.  Tomp¬ 
kins  rises  and  comes  down  to  the  left  of  Johnny. 
Effie  turns  and  comes  to  the  right  of  him.  Smith 
moves  impatiently  in  his  chair. 

Johnny.  What  is  it? 

Rosenbaum.  Your  nose. 


152 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  III 


Mss.  Dean.  If  you  could  make  it  recede  a  little. 

Johnny.  I’m  no  Doctor  Woodbury. 

Effie.  Looks  all  right  to  me. 

Rosenbaum.  Maybe  it’s  the  moustache. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Perhaps  if  you  wore  a  bow  tie. 

Tompkins.  Have  you  tried  white  grease  paint? 

Johnny.  I’ve  tried  everything  but  putting  a  ring  in  it. 

[. Everybody ,  even  Mrs.  Dean,  roars  with  laughter, 
which  maddens  Smith  who  rises  and  rushes  over  to 
them. 

Smith.  Great  Heavens!  Do  you  people  realise  that  we 
open  tonight? 

[. Everyone  stops  and  looks  in  surprise  at  Smith. 

Rosenbaum.  Sure,  we  realise  it. 

Smith.  Then  why  don’t  you  get  down  to  business,  get 
to  something  important? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Important?  These  things  are  vital. 

Smith.  Vital!  Is  his  nose  vital? 

Johnny.  I  can’t  get  along  without  it. 

[Everybody  laughs  again. 

Smith.  [Furiously.]  You’ve  seen  him  wear  it  every 
night  for  two  weeks.  Why  wait  until  the  last  minute  to 
attend  to  such  fiddling  details? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Angrily]  If  we  hadn’t  had  to  “fiddle”  so 
much  with  that  ill-constructed  mass  of  verbiage,  you  call  a 
play. 

[She  walks  away  to  the  right.  Smith  to  the  left. 

Rosenbaum.  Come,  come,  children,  this  is  a  rehearsal, 
not  a  prize  fight.  [He  runs  to  Mrs.  Dean  and  whispers .] 
After  all,  he  is  the  author.  Humour  him  now.  We’ll  do 
what  we  like  afterwards.  [He  runs  over  to  Smith,  whis¬ 
pers.’]  Humour  her.  She’s  a  bear. 

[He  puts  his  arm  through  Smith’s  and  drags  him  over 
to  Mrs.  Dean,  then  putting  his  arm  through  Mrs. 
Dean’s,  he  stands  between  them  smiling.  They 
are  the  personification  of  dislike  and  antagonism. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


153 


ACT  III] 

Rosenbaum.  Now,  we’re  all  friends  again,  see.  [ To 
Mrs.  Dean.]  Now,  what  next? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Witheringly.]  Oh,  no,  let’s  straighten  out 
Mr.  Smith’s  little  worries. 

[She  moves  away  to  the  right  and  leans  against  the 
proscenium  arch.  Johnny  and  Effie,  who  is  again 
wearing  Jerry’s  overcoat ,  are  seated  on  the  couch , 
Tompkins  beside  the  desk,  the  others  in  the  window- 
seat . 

Rosenbaum.  [To  Smith.]  Now,  what’s  on  your  mind? 

Smith.  [ Impressively .]  Well,  I’ve  always  thought  that 
if  Mrs.  Brinkley  and  Mr.  Belden  played  their  scene  on 
that  side  of  the  stage  [indicating  right],  instead  of  on  this 
side  [indicating  left],  it  would  improve  it  wonderfully. 

[He  smiles  in  self-satisfaction . 

Effie.  More  study. 

Mrs.  Dean.  My  dear,  let’s  do  anything  that  will  im¬ 
prove  it. 

[Smith  glares  at  Mrs.  Dean  and  walks  away  to  the 
left . 

Rosenbaum.  Tompkins,  we’ll  take  Mrs.  Brinkley’s  and 
Belden’s  scene. 

[Enter  the  Scene  Painter  with  a  ladder.  He  rests  it 
against  the  frame  of  the  door  at  the  right,  then  get¬ 
ting  the  paint  pail  from  the  armchair,  climbs  up  on 
ladder . 

Tompkins.  [Calling.]  Mrs.  Brinkley  and  Belden!  Clear 
everybody! 

[Miss  Toby,  Miss  Farrington  and  Billings  exit 
hurriedly  and  then  reappear  at  the  door  at  the  left, 
to  watch  the  rehearsal  of  the  scene.  Johnny  and 
Miss  Donahue  drag  themselves  off  wearily  not  in¬ 
terested  in  anything.  Mrs.  Dean  goes  to  the  pro¬ 
scenium  arch  at  the  right,  Rosenbaum,  to  it  at  the 
left.  Tompkins  turns  and  sees  the  Scene  Painter. 

Tompkins.  [Furiously.]  Painter!  I  said  clear. 


1 54  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  hi 

[ The  painter  pays  not  the  slightest  attention .  There 
is  a  pause . 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  let  him  paint. 

Effie.  [ Wearily  to  Mrs.  Dean.]  Where  do  you  want 
me  to  begin? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Ask  the  author. 

Smith.  From  Belden’s  entrance.  [Effie  starts  to  walk 
over  to  the  desk  at  the  left.  Smith  rushes  to  her.]  And 
we’re  going  to  play  it  over  there. 

[He  points  to  the  right . 

Effie.  [Angrily.]  It’s  a  fine  time  to  fuss  me  in  the  only 
scene  I  have  in  the  play.  [Smith  strides  away  furiously. 
Effie,  thinking  she  i(has  him  ”  points  to  a  photograph  on 
the  desk.]  [Innocently.]  How  do  I  get  that  photograph? 

Smith.  [Sarcastically.]  Don’t  you  think - 

Effie.  [Sweetly.]  I  have  been  engaged  to  act,  not  to 
think. 

[Smith  gives  it  up  in  despair  and  goes  to  his  chair  at 
the  proscenium  and  sinks  into  it  wearily.  Rosen¬ 
baum  tries  to  console  him.  Mrs.  Dean  looks  over 
at  them  in  sarcastic  pity.  Jerry  and  Betty,  un¬ 
seen  by  anyone ,  do  a  fox  trot  back  of  the  window 
from  the  right  to  the  left  and  disappear.  Effie 
stands  victorious  in  the  centre.  Tompkins  is  de¬ 
lighted  with  her. 

Effie.  [Patiently.]  Well? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Oh,  take  it  with  you. 

Effie.  [Getting  the  photograph  from  the  desk.]  Is  this 
supposed  to  be  my  son’s  photograph? 

Smith.  Certainly,  certainly. 

Effie.  Well,  I  might  have  something  to  get  me  into  a 
sentimental  frame  of  mind.  This  is  Lillian  Russell. 

Rosenbaum.  [Taking  it ,  hands  it  to  Tompkins.] 
Tompkins,  make  a  note  of  that. 

Tompkins.  Hickson! 

[Hickson  appears  at  the  door  at  the  left, 

Hickson.  [Snarling.]  What  do  you  want? 


act  m]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  1 55 

Tompkins.  [ Handing  the  photograph  to  Hickson.] 
Strike  Russell! 

[Hickson  takes  the  photograph  and  goes . 

Effie.  M-m-m-m-m-m-m — long  speech  ending  with 
[ very  sweetly\  “overflowing  with  tenderness.”  [Jerry  and 
Betty  fox-trot  across  back  of  the  window  left  to  right,  and 
disappear .  There  is  a  pause .  Acidly.]  “Overflowing 
with  tenderness - ” 

[A  pause . 

Rosenbaum.  [ Irritated .]  Where’s  Belden? 

[Betty  and  Jerry,  still  unobserved,  trot  back  of  the 
window,  doing  a  back  and  forward  step . 

Tompkins.  [At  the  desk.]  I  called  him. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Viciously  calling .]  “Overflowing  with 

tenderness — — ” 

Tompkins.  Oh  Belden! 

Betty.  [Off  stage.]  Jerry,  your  cue! 

Jerry.  Coming! 

[In  crossing  to  the  right  at  the  back  of  the  window,  he 
knocks  a  large  tray  off  the  top  of  a  bunch  light,  then 
he  appears  at  the  door  where  the  Painter  is  on  the 
ladder . 

Everybody.  The  ladder!  The  ladder!  Don’t  walk  un¬ 
der  the  ladder! 

[Jerry  disappears,  then  is  seen  running  past  the  win¬ 
dow  to  the  door  at  the  rear,  from  which  he  enters 
breathlessly. 

Jerry.  I’m  sorry.  [He  walks  down  to  the  chair  at  the 
desk,  turns  and  sees  Effie  on  the  couch.]  What  are  you 
doing  over  there? 

Effie.  Don’t  ask  me. 

Jerry.  How  do  I  get  there! 

Rosenbaum.  Walk. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Unless  you’ve  developed  locomotor  ataxia. 

Effie.  [Crossly.]  Oh,  come  on.  [She  rises,  goes  to 
Jerry,  and  puts  her  hands  on  his  shoulder  and  in  the  char - 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


156 


[act  III 


acter  of  Mr.  Bennett,  speaks  tenderly .]  “My  son!  My 
son!  ” 

[She  is  interrupted  by  the  crash  of  a  falling  object  off 
stage . 

Tompkins.  [Yelling,]  Quiet  off  stage! 

Effie.  “My - ” 

[Again  she  is  interrupted  by  a  similar  sound. 
M’Ginnis.  [Off  stage.]  Hey  Monk,  keep  quiet. 

Jerry.  “Mother — mother — you - ” 

Monk.  [Off  stage.]  Damn  slave  driver! 

Rosenbaum.  Quiet  off  stage! 

Effie.  “Promise  me  you’ll  never  do  this  again — or - ” 

M’Ginnis.  [Off  stage.]  I’ll  cave  in  yer  dome! 

[Jerry  laughs.  Effie  moves  away  in  disgust . 
Smith  rises  and  rushes  to  Rosenbaum. 

Smith.  [Bitterly.]  Marvellous  discipline! 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  cut  to  the  exit. 

[Effie  goes  to  Jerry,  places  her  hands  on  his  shoul¬ 
ders ,  looking  up  into  his  face  with  a  sweet,  motherly 
expression. 

Effie.  “You’ve  made  me  so  happy!  My  son!” 

Jerry.  Do  you  want  me  to  move  away  from  here  now? 
Effie.  [Grabs  him  by  the  shoulder,  very  angrily .]  You 
stand  still  until  I  get  through  with  you.  [Tenderly.]  “My 

son,  my  son.”  Kiss.  Bing - 

[She  makes  a  motion  oj  kissing  him  on  the  left  cheek , 
then  on  the  right . 

Jerry.  Bing - 

Effie.  Let  me  see.  I  turned  that  way,  now  I  turn  this 
way.  [She  starts  for  the  rear  door ,  scowling  at  Smith.] 
Well,  I  hope  I  get  off,  it’s  a  mile  up  to  this  door. 

[She  meets  Johnny,  who  is  waiting  for  her  with  a  cup 
of  coffee.  They  both  disappear  off  left,  Effie  talk¬ 
ing  angrily. 

Rosenbaum.  What  else? 

Smith.  [Coming  to  the  centre.]  The  love  scene. 


act  in]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  157 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Moving  toward  him.]  Do  you  think  it’s 
necessary? 

Jerry.  Oh  sure,  I’d  like  to.  [He  dashes  up  to  the  rear 
door  and  calls  off  stage.]  Oh,  Betty! 

Betty.  [Off  stage.]  In  a  minute! 

Smith.  [To  Mrs.  Dean.]  Belden  is  the  limit  in  that 
love  scene! 

[ Betty, appears  at  the  rear  door  carrying  two  cups  oj 
coffee.  She  comes  down  to  her  mother. 

Betty.  Here  mother. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Taking  the  cup.]  Thank  you,  darling. 

Betty.  [Offering  the  cup  to  Smith.]  Mr.  Smith. 

Smith.  Oh,  no. 

[He  waves  it  aside  impatiently  and  goes  to  the  couch 
where  he  sits.  Betty  gives  the  cup  to  Jerry,  who 
puts  it  on  the  stand  in  the  left  corner  of  the  window. 

Jerry.  [Eagerly.]  Come  on,  the  love  scene. 

[Miss  Donahue  appears  at  the  back  of  the  window 
and  sits  on  the  off  stage  side  of  the  window-seat. 
Betty  and  Jerry  take  positions  at  the  centre, 
Betty  at  the  right  of  Jerry.  Mrs.  Dean  stands 
at  the  proscenium  arch,  at  the  right.  Tompkins 
is  seated  on  the  desk  with  the  manuscript.  Rosen¬ 
baum  stands  beside  him . 

Jerry.  Are  you  set? 

Betty.  [Striking  an  affected  attitude.]  Uh  huh! 

Jerry.  Oh,  excuse  me  a  minute. 

[He  crosses  to  Betty  and  they  try  three  positions  of 
the  arms  in  an  embrace,  and  each  time  Jerry  kisses 
her.  Smith  looks  at  Mrs.  Dean  imploringly. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Wearily.]  We’re  waiting,  Mr.  Belden. 

Jerry.  Just  getting  the  finish  right. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Well,  we  won’t  overdo  it. 

[She  puts  her  coffee  cup  on  the  mantel.  Betty,  her 
back  towards  Jerry,  re-assumes  her  pose.  Jerry 
goes  to  the  left  of  her. 


158 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


{act  III 


Jerry.  Ah — ah — m-rn-m-m-m-m - 

[He  turns  and  looks  at  Tompkins. 

Tompkins.  [Prompting  him.]  “Oh  my - ” 

Jerry.  “Oh  my - ”  [He  looks  at  Tompkins  again.] 

Oh  my  what? 

Tompkins.  [Prompting.]  “Adored - ” 

Jerry  Adored.  “Oh,  my  adored  one.”  [He  goes  to 
Smith.]  Say,  can’t  we  can  that  “adored  one”? 

Smith.  [Jumping  up.]  Why? 

Jerry.  I’d  never  say  that. 

Smith.  [To  Mrs.  Dean.]  Hefd  never  say  that!  [To 

Jerry.]  You’d  never -  Do  you  realise  I’ve  worked 

d&ys  and  nights  to  find  that  phrase? 

Jerry.  [ Laughingly .]  Did  you?  Well,  I  can  find  a 
whole  raft  of  things  to  say  to  her  and  not  half  try.  Can’t 
I,  Betty? 

[Smith  jails  back  on  the  couch.  Jerry  goes  up  to 
take  Bett\  in  his  arms . 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Furiously .]  Mr.  Belden,  this  is  a  re¬ 

hearsal  ! 

Jerry.  Oh,  excuse  me!  [He  takes  his  position  at  the  left 

of  Betty.]  Ah — m-m-m-m-m-m-m -  [Laughing,  he 

looks  at  Tompkins  for  assistance.]  Isn’t  that  a  funny 
thing? 

Tompkins.  [Angrily.]  The  same. 

Jerry.  Oh,  yes.  [Very  amateurishly .]  “Oh,  my  adored 
one.  I  love  you  with  a  fever - ” 

Smith.  [Jumping  up  from  the  couch  distractedly.] 
Fervour!  Fervour! 

Jerry.  “I  love  you  with  a  fervour  that’s  undying.  [He 
advances  one  step  awkwardly  toward  Betty.]  Can’t  you 
[another  step],  won’t  you  [another  step]  love  me  just  a 
little  in  return?” 

Betty.  [Passionately.]  “I  love  you  now.” 

[She  turns  and  throws  herself  into  his  arms. 

Jerry.  [Casually.]  “And  I  love  you.” 

[Smith  looks  at  him  in  disgust,  then  throws  himself 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


159 


ACT  III] 

upon  the  couch .  Mrs.  Dean,  overcome  by  the  hor¬ 
ror  of  his  acting ,  bows  her  head  on  the  mantel-piece . 
Rosenbaum  shivers ,  then  looks  at  Tompkins,  whose 
expression  is  one  of  pain .  Betty  moves  away 
wearily  and  sits  beside  Miss  Donahue  on  the  win¬ 
dow-seat. 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  it’s  so  tame! 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Despairingly .]  I  give  it  up. 

[She  joins  Smith  on  the  couch . 

Rosenbaum.  What  do  you  think,  Tompkins? 

Tompkins.  [Rising.']  If  he  got  a  little,  a  little - 

[He  tries  to  illustrate  “pep”  by  a  movement  of  his 
hands . 

Rosenbaum.  Yes,  that’s  a  good  idea.  Oh  Jerry. 
[Jerry  joins  them .]  Now,  what  you  want  in  this  scene 
is  a  little - 

[He  imitates  Tompkins’  gesture . 

[Smith,  afraid  that  they  are  going  to  do  something 
else  to  his  play ,  rushes  down  to  the  group .  Tomp* 
kins  and  Rosenbaum  repeat  their  gesture.  Jerry 
watches  them  utterly  bewildered ,  then  imitating 
them ,  turns  to  Smith. 

Jerry.  What  does  that  mean? 

[Rosenbaum  and  Tompkins  look  despairingly  at 
Jerry,  then  shaking  their  heads  despondently ,  move 
away,  Rosenbaum  sitting  in  the  chair  at  the  pro¬ 
scenium  arch  at  the  left,  Tompkins  on  the  desk,  his 
back  to  Jerry. 

Smith.  I  suppose  he  means  to  put  in  a  little  pep! 

Jerry.  Mrs.  Dean  asked  me  to  tone  it  down. 

Smith.  No,  no!  And  Miss  Dean  [going  up  to  her\ ,  get 
a  little  abandon  into  it. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Jumping  up.]  Betty!  Some  chaste  aban¬ 
don. 

[She  goes  to  the  proscenium  arch  at  the  right.  Smith, 
hopeless,  sits  on  the  couch . 

Rosenbaum.  [ Impatiently .]  Oh  go  on,  take  the  finish. 


160  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  iii 

[Betty  rising,  comes  toward  Jerry.  He  puts  his 
arms  around  her. 

Jerry.  [ Indifferently .]  “I  love  you.”  [ Passionately .]  Oh 
Lord!  How  much  I  love  you! 

Smith.  [Rising.]  That  last  line  isn’t  in  the  part. 

Jerry.  It  just  slipped  out  naturally. 

Betty.  Oh  say  it,  Jerry,  it  sounds  awfully  sweet. 

Smith.  Oh,  are  you  going  to  re-write  my  piece,  too,  Miss 
Dean? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Everybody  else  has,  why  discriminate 
against  my  daughter? 

[Smith  rushes  to  leave  the  stage .  Rosenbaum  rises 
and  grabs  him. 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  what  makes  you  authors  so  sensitive? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Now,  if  Mr.  Smith  has  finished - 

Smith.  Oh,  I’m  through,  I’m  through. 

[He  sits  on  the  chair  from  which  Rosenbaum  has 
risen. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Taking  command .]  Then  we’ll  take  the 
third  act  climax. 

Jerry.  Oh,  the  one  I’m  punk  in? 

Mrs.  Dean.  That  designation  would  fit  any  of  your 
scenes. 

Jerry.  Will  you  tell  me  what  you  want  me  to  do? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Do  you  know  what  Dora’s  Dilemma  is? 

Jerry.  No,  do  you? 

Mrs.  Dean.  You’ve  been  playing  in  this  piece  for  two 
weeks. 

Jerry.  You  could  play  in  this  piece  for  two  years  and 
not  know  what  it’s  about. 

Smith.  [Rushing  at  Jerry.]  Oh,  is  that  so? 

Jerry.  I  beg  your  pardon.  Where  am  I  worst? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Words  fail  me!  [To  Rosenbaum.]  You 
talk  to  him.  \ 

[She  sinks  on  the  couch,  utterly  worn  out.  Smith 
joins  Miss  Donahue  on  the  window-seat.  She 
tries  to  console  him.  Betty  sits  in  the  chair  be - 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


161 


ACT  III] 

side  the  desk  on  which  Tompkins  is  seated .  Miss 
Farrington,  Miss  Toby  and  Billings  leave  their 
post  of  observation  at  the  door  at  the  left .  Effie 
appears  yawning ,  and  goes  to  the  chair  where  Smith 
has  been  seated  and  huddled  in  Jerry’s  overcoat , 
falls  asleep.  Jerry,  eager  to  do  what  is  asked  of 
him,  stands  at  the  centre .  Rosenbaum  advances  on 
him  belligerently . 

Rosenbaum.  You’re  afraid  your  firm  will  miss  the  bonds. 
You’ve  come  here  to  Chapman’s  library  to  get  them.  You’re 
desperate. 

Jerry.  Why  am  I  desperate? 

[Rosenbaum  looks  at  him .  He  gives  it  up  and  joins 
Mrs.  Dean  on  the  couch .  Smith  rushes  down  to 
Jerry. 

Smith.  Great  Heavens!  Didn’t  you  tell  your  mother 
earlier  in  this  act  that  if  you  didn’t  get  the  bonds  you’d 
commit  suicide? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Bitterly. \  Sometimes  I  wish  he  had. 

Betty.  [Rising  impatiently,  goes  to  Jerry.]  Oh,  never 
mind  what  it  all  means.  It’s  a  part,  Jerry, — act  it. 

[She  returns  to  the  chair  wearily. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Rising.]  We’ll  take  the  scene  from  “Be¬ 
hind  the  curtain.” 

[Miss  Donahue  leaves  the  window-seat  and  disap¬ 
pears  to  the  right,  Miss  Toby  and  Miss  Farrington 
appear  at  the  back  of  the  window  going  towards  the 
left.  Smith  takes  a  position  at  the  back  of  the 
couch.  Rosenbaum  remains  seated  on  it.  Mrs. 
Dean  goes  to  the  right  to  watch  the  scene.  Jerry 
goes  up  to  the  window-seat,  Tompkins  to  the  door , 
Betty  following  him. 

Tompkins.  Oh,  Billings,  Brinkley!  On  stage. 

Billings.  Coming. 

[Billings  and  Johnny  enter. 

Tompkins.  Ready  everybody.  The  struggle  in  the  dark. 

[Betty  takes  her  position  at  the  door,  her  back  to  the 


162 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  III 

spectators ,  her  hand  outstretched  towards  the  button 
that  is  supposed  to  switch  on  the  electric  lights . 
Billings  stands  behind  the  desk ,  Johnny  in  front 
of  it . 

Johnny.  [ Very  dramatically .]  Bla-bla-bla — long  speech 
ending  in  “Behind  the  curtain - ” 

Jerry.  [Standing  on  the  window-seat.]  Where’s  my 
overcoat? 

[He  jumps  off  the  seat . 

Mrs.  Dean.  How  should  I  know?  Ask  the  stage  man¬ 
ager. 

Tompkins.  Now  I’m  the  coat  room  boy. 

Johnny.  Heaven  preserve  us  from  these  amateurs. 

[Smith  looks  for  it  at  the  back  of  the  couch ,  Rosen¬ 
baum  underneath  it,  Mrs.  Dean  under  the  chair  at 
the  right,  Tompkins  behind  the  window-seat. 
Betty,  Billings  and  Johnny  wait,  resignedly. 

Rosenbaum.  I  paid  sixty  dollars  for  that  coat. 

Betty.  [ Impatiently .]  Jerry,  where  did  you  put  it? 

Jerry.  I  don’t  know. 

Smith.  Is  there  any  damn  thing  you  do  know? 

Betty.  Effie’s  got  it  on. 

Johnny.  That  woman  would  sleep  anywhere.  [He  goes 
to  her  and  shakes  her.]  Brooklyn!  All  out! 

Effie.  Why  did  you  wake  me?  I  dreamt  the  play  was 
a  hit! 

[Everybody  is  disgusted.  Jerry  laughs,  but  subsides 
as  they  all  turn  and  stare  at  him  witheringly.  Effie 
rises,  Johnny  grabs  the  coat  and  takes  it  to  Jerry 
who  puts  it  on.  Effie,  yawning  and  shivering  with 
the  cold,  starts  for  the  door  at  the  left.  Smith 
crossing  to  the  chair  where  Effie  has  been  seated, 
glowers  at  her.  Effie  tosses  her  head  and  goes. 
Mrs.  Dean  is  leaning  against  the  proscenium  arch 
at  the  right,  Rosenbaum  beside  her.  Betty,  Bil¬ 
lings  and  Johnny  take  their  places .  Tompkins 


act  hi]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  163 

stands  in  the  door  at  the  left ,  holding  the  manu¬ 
script .  Jerry  starts  for  the  window 
Jerry.  [Stopping.]  Where  are  the  bonds? 

Johnny.  [Giving  him  the  bonds  which  he  has  taken 
from  the  desk.]  You  ought  to  have  a  nurse! 

Tompkins.  [Wearily.]  Ready,  ready! 

[Jerry  gets  up  on  the  window-seat. 
Johnny.  [Very  dramatically .]  Bla-bla — long  speech, 

ending  with  “Behind  the  curtain” - 

Jerry.  Where ’s  the  curtain? 

Mrs.  Dean.  We  will  simulate  the  curtain. 

Jerry.  What  do  I  do  to  the  curtain? 

Betty.  Oh,  pretend  there’s  one  there. 

Tompkins.  [Despairingly.]  Ready! 

Jerry.  Now  wait  a  minute,  there’s  going  to  be  a  cur¬ 
tain? 

Rosenbaum.  [Fiercely.]  Of  course,  of  course! 

Jerry.  No  harm  in  asking.  I  was  only  introduced  to 
this  window  tonight. 

[He  gets  in  position  to  leap  from  the  window-seat. 
Tompkins.  Ready,  Johnny? 

Johnny.  Wait  a  minute.  [To  Jerry.]  Have  you  got 
everything? 

Jerry.  [Feeling  in  the  pocket  of  his  overcoat.]  Yes. 
Johnny.  Bla-bla-bla  long  speech  ending  with  “behind  the 
curtain.” 

Betty.  [At  door.]  Business.  Button.  Lights  out — 
bing! 

[On  the  word  “bing”  she  presses  the  button  on  the 
right  side  of  the  door.  The  lights  do  not  go  out. 
Everybody  on  the  stage  looks  up  to  see  what  is  the 
matter  with  the  lights.  Betty  comes  down  impa¬ 
tiently. 

Betty.  Oh  mother,  why  don’t  the  lights  go  out? 
Rosenbaum.  Call  the  electrician! 

Tompkins.  [Calling.]  Goldman! 


164  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  iii 

Hickson.  [ Appearing  at  the  rear  door.]  The  electri¬ 
cian’s  gone  to  breakfast. 

[He  goes . 

Mrs.  Dean.  Mr.  Belden,  we’ll - 

Jerry.  We  will  simulate  the  darkness.  I  get  you,  I 
get  you. 

Betty.  [Betty  returns  to  the  door,  repeating  the  busi¬ 
ness  of  pushing  the  button.]  Business,  button,  lights  out, 
bing! 

[Billings  starts  for  the  window.  Jerry  springs  off 
the  window-seat.  They  seize  each  other  fiercely,  and 
struggle.  Betty  rushes  behind  them  to  the  back  of 
the  couch,  and  begins,  apparently,  to  look  for  some¬ 
thing.  She  is  being  very  dramatic.  Suddenly  she 
stops  and  runs  toward  Mrs.  Dean. 

Betty.  [Shrieking.]  Mother!  Mother!  He’s  got  on 
the  overcoat.  [She  rushes  at  Jerry  in  a  fury.]  Jerry  Bel- 
den,  if  you  forget  to  take  that  overcoat  off  tonight,  behind 
that  curtain  and  leave  it  there  for  me  [pointing  to  the  back 
of  the  couch]  I’ll  die  right  here. 

[She  sits  on  the  couch,  her  head  buried  in  her  hands. 

Jerry.  [Going  to  her.]  That’s  all  right.  I  won’t  forget 
it,  but  if  I  do,  don’t  worry! 

[Billings  is  standing  by  the  desk.  Jerry  leaps 
through  the  air  and  lands  on  him.  They  begin  to 
struggle  fiercely.  Rosenbaum  rushes  and  grabs 
Jerry;  Mrs.  Dean,  following  him,  tries  to  get  to 
Jerry  Smith  runs  up  and  seizes  Billings.  They 
try  to  stop  tfte  struggle,  but  as  it  is  the  one  thing 
that  Jerry  can  do  well,  he  continues  and  pulls 
everybody  to  and  fro  in  the  room.  Finally  it  pene¬ 
trates  to  him  that  they  want  to  tell  him  something, 
so  he  stops. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Shrieking  at  Jerry.]  It’s  her  stealing  the 
bonds  out  of  your  overcoat  when  you  are  being  searched 
that  is  the  big  moment  of  the  act. 


act  m]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  165 

Rosenbaum.  [Raging.]  If  you  have  the  coat  on,  how 
is  she  going  to  get  them? 

Smith.  [Wildly.]  The  overcoat’s  the  plot  of  my  piece. 

Jerry.  [Placidly.]  All  right,  all  right!  No  need  to  get 
excited.  I’ll  take  it  off. 

[He  takes  off  the  overcoat ,  puts  it  on  the  back  of  the 
couch  and  starts  for  the  window-seat .  Mrs.  Dean, 
very  much  shaken,  moves  away,  supported  on  one 
side  by  Rosenbaum,  and  on  the  other  by  Smith. 
It  is  the  one  moment  in  which  the  three  are  in  ac¬ 
cord. 

Smith.  Can  you  beat  it!  Forgot  to  take  off  the  over¬ 
coat! 

Rosenbaum.  You’ll  never  get  your  curtain  down  tonight 
if  he  does  it. 

Mrs.  Dean.  If  I  had  the  strength  to  do  it,  I’d  strangle 
him  now. 

Tompkins.  [Resignedly.]  Ready!  Ready! 

[Betty,  Billings  and  Johnny  * gain  take  their  posi¬ 
tions.  Rosie  and  Mrs.  Dean  go  over  to  the  right. 
Smith  to  his  chair  at  the  left.  They  wait.  Jerry 
starts  to  get  on  the  window-seat,  stops  and  comes 
down. 

Jerry.  Excuse  me,  I’ll  tell  you  what  rattles  me.  It’s 
just  going  over  bits  of  the  scene.  I  don’t  know  where  I’m 
at  to  have  somebody  say — “bla-bla-bla — long  speech  end¬ 
ing  in  'Behind  the  curtain.’  ”  It  gets  my  nanny.  Now  if 
we  could  only  go  over  the  whole  thing  once. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Well,  I  suppose - 

Betty.  [Coming  down  angrily.]  We  haven’t  done  the 
last  act  yet.  I  want  a  few  hours’  sleep  before  the  per¬ 
formance. 

[She  returns  to  the  door. 

Jerry.  It’s  easy  enough  for  you  people,  but  I’m  not  an 
actor. 

Smith.  I  should  say  not! 


166  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  hi 

Jerry  Say,  you’re  not  any  more  stuck  on  me  than  I  am 
on  myself. 

[Magginis  enters  from  the  rear  door  yawning.  He 
looks  up  at  the  ceiling  and  then  calls  to  the  men  in 
the  “flies” 

Maginnis.  Hey  you,  come  on  down  with  yer  back  lines, 
yer  back  lines,  you  dope! 

Jerry.  [ Turning  to  Maginnis.]  Are  you  talking  to  me? 

Magginis.  No,  I  don’t  talk  to  actors! 

[ The  ceiling  is  lowered  into  place  with  a  rush ,  and 
Magginis  goes. 

Jerry.  Oh,  let  her  go! 

Betty.  Business — door — button — lights  out — bing! 

[Jerry  dashes  out  from  the  window  and  throws  the 
overcoat  on  the  back  of  the  couch .  Betty  runs  to 
get  the  bonds  from  the  pocket.  Billings  rushes  at 
Jerry,  who  grabs  him  and  they  begin  to  rehearse  in 
plain  view  an  old  fashioned  “struggle  in  the  dark”  in 
which  violent  noise  is  more  important  than  violent 
action.  With  Jerry’s  assistance ,  Billings  vaults 
lightly  in  the  air  and  Jerry  holds  him  above  his 
heady  then  falls  slowly  backward  with  Billings  on 
top  of  him ,  both  grunting  loudly . 

Billings.  Are  you  all  right? 

Jerry.  Yes.  Choke  me. 

[Billings  does  so  and  Jerry  emits  sounds  of  stran¬ 
gling.  They  roll  over.  Jerry,  who  is  on  top ,  rises 
and  standing  over  Billings,  takes  him  by  the  shoul¬ 
ders  and  slams  him  gently  up  and  down  two  or  three 
times  as  Billings  groans  and  imitates  the  sound  of 
a  falling  body  by  knocking  loudly  on  the  floor  with 
his  heel. 

Jerry.  Are  you  comfortable? 

Billings.  Oh,  very! 

[Jerry  pulls  Billings  up  on  his  feet,  then  turns  him 
around ,  his  back  to  the  desk ,  and  begins  to  back  him 
towards  it. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


167 


ACT  III] 

Jerry.  One — two — three — slap! 

[He  slaps  Billings'  open  hand  which  Billings  holds 
up  to  the  left  side  of  his  face .  Billings  groans. 

Jerry.  One — two — three — slap - [ The  same  “busi¬ 

ness”  is  repeated.  Billings  groans  very  loudly .  They 
back  to  the  right  of  the  desk.  Jerry,  holding  Billings  up 
very  carefully,  pushes  a  desk  blotter  and  the  phone  out  of 
the  way ,  then  lays  Billings  very  gently  on  the  top  of  the 
desk.]  I’m  not  hurting  you? 

Billings.  Not  at  all,  old  dear! 

[Jerry  slaps  the  desk  loudly  with  his  right  hand.  Bil¬ 
lings  groans  frightfully .  Jerry  pulls  Billings  up 
on  his  feet.  Billings  pushes  Jerry  lightly  away. 
Jerry  staggers  backwards  wildly  to  the  right. 
Johnny  points  at  him  dramatically. 

Johnny.  “Search  him!” 

Billings.  “Put  up  your  hands!  [Jerry  hesitates.  Betty 
gets  the  bonds  out  of  the  overcoat  pocket.']  Put  up  your 
hands!” 

[He  points  the  revolver  at  Jerry,  who  puts  up  his 
hands.  Betty  rushes  down  between  Jerry  and 
Billings  to  the  centre ,  making  a  picture  with  the 
bonds  held  high  over  her  head  in  her  right  hand. 

Betty.  “Stop!  Here  are  the  bonds!  I  am  the  thief!” 

Tompkins.  Curtain! 

[He  imitates  with  a  downward  motion  of  his  hand  the 
falling  of  the  curtain.  Betty,  Johnny  and  Bil¬ 
lings  “hold  the  picture  ,”  tensely  dramatic  in  their 
attitudes  and  expressions.  Jerry  turns  to  the  front 
and  grins  idiotically,  destroying  the  effect  of  the 
climax.  The  others  see  him  and  “break  the  pic¬ 
ture,”  Betty  sitting  in  the  window-seat,  Johnny  in 
the  chair ,  in  front  of  the  desk,  Tompkins  on  the 
desk,  Billings  in  the  chair  at  the  right  of  the  desk, 
Smith  slumps  despairingly  in  his  chair  at  the  left, 
Mrs.  Dean  on  the  couch  and  beside  her  Rosen¬ 
baum  holding  her  hand.  Their  backs  are  turned  fa 


168 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  III 

Jerry,  who  is  so  awful  they  cannot  bear  to  look 
at  him.  Jerry  looks  at  them ,  smiling  a  little  wist¬ 
fully.  There  is  a  pause ,  then  Jerry  worried ,  al¬ 
most  frightened,  joins  Betty  on  the  window-seat . 
She  refuses  to  talk  to  him. 

Rosenbaum.  [ Rising ,  beckoning  to  Smith.]  Well,  what 
do  you  think? 

Smith.  [ Meeting  him.]  Terrible! 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Going  to  them.]  I  don’t  believe  we  can 
open  with  him. 

Smith.  Every  time  he  comes  on  he  takes  the  child  of 
my  brain  and  simply  chokes  it  to  death. 

Rosenbaum.  Let’s  take  it  from  his  first  entrance.  Maybe 
he  can  work  into  it.  Children,  we’ll  take  it  over  from 
Jerry’s  entrance. 

[Smith,  Rosenbaum  and  Mrs.  Dean  return  to 
their  places  at  the  left  and  at  the  right .  Johnny 
sits  in  the  chair  in  front  of  the  desk .  Billings 
goes . 

Betty.  Oh  dear! 

Jerry.  Now  wait  a  minute.  This  is  the  place  that  I 
wear  the  overcoat? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Angrily.]  Yes. 

Jerry.  Good. 

Tompkins.  [Calling.]  Oh,  Hickson,  ready  with  your 
door  slam. 

Hickson.  [Off  stage.]  All  right. 

[Tompkins  goes  out  the  rear  door9  shutting  it. 

Betty.  [Indifferently.]  Business — bonds — door.  [She 
opens  the  rear  door .  As  she  does  so  “a  door  slam”  is 
heard  off  stage.]  [Dramatically.]  “My  God!  Henderson!” 

[She  looks  around  wildly,  then  running  to  the  desk , 
sits  beside  it  and  falls  forward  across  it  as  though 
fainting. 

Tompkins.  [Entering  as  Henderson  looks  at  her,  then 
rushes  off ',  crying.]  “Help!  Help!  Help!” 


act  hi]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  169 

[Jerry  enters  from  the  window ,  wearing  a  light  over¬ 
coat.  He  sees  Betty. 

Jerry.  “Dora!  Dora!  What’s  happened?” 

Betty.  [ Rushing  to  him  wildly .]  “Dick!  Dick!  Here 
are  your  bonds!” 

[i She  puts  the  bonds  in  the  pocket  of  Jerry’s  overcoat . 
Jerry  puts  his  arms  about  her  carelessly. 

Jerry.  [In  a  spiritless  sing-song.]  “Oh  Dora,  you  have 
saved  my  honour.” 

[Betty  pushes  Jerry  away  from  her  and  sits  on  the 
desk ,  her  back  to  him.  Johnny  throws  himself 
disgustedly  in  the  chair  at  the  front  of  the  desk. 
Tompkins  enters  the  rear  door  and  falls  in  the  arm¬ 
chair  at  the  left.  Smith  collapses  utterly.  Rosen¬ 
baum  staggers  to  the  proscenium  arch  at  the  right , 
burying  his  head  in  his  arms.  Jerry,  bewildered , 
walks  to  the  door  at  the  right.  Mrs.  Dean  rises, 
staggers  towards  Rosenbaum,  who  has  turned  and 
advanced  to  meet  her .  Rosenbaum  supports  her  in 
his  arms. 

Mrs.  Dean.  This  is  awful!  Awful! 

Rosenbaum.  Can’t  you  show  him? 

Mrs.  Dean.  I’ll  try.  Mr.  Belden,  stand  down,  please. 
See  if  you  can  get  a  faint  glimmering  by  watching  me. 
[Jerry,  frightened  by  her  tone,  comes  down,  giving  her  a 
wide  berth  and  in  doing  so  stumbles  into  the  footlight  trough. 
He  scrambles  out  and  stands  watching  her.]  Ready, 
Betty. 

Betty.  [Turning  around.]  Oh,  let  Mr.  Tompkins  stand 
for  me.  I’m  so  tired. 

Tompkins.  I  can’t  and  give  the  cue. 

[He  goes. 

Rosenbaum.  I’ll  do  it  for  you,  Betty. 

[Betty  starts  towards  the  right .  Jerry  meets  her . 

Jerry.  I’m  awfully  sorry,  Betty. 

Betty.  [Stamping  her  foot.]  You  didn’t  even  try. 

[She  sits  in  the  chair  near  the  fireplace. 


170 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  III 

Jerry.  [ Following  her.]  Well,  I  knew  the  words. 

[Betty  turns  her  back  to  him .  Jerry  leans  against 
the  proscenium  arch ,  utterly  disconsolate .  The  com¬ 
pany  and  stage  hands ,  learning  that  Rosenbaum  and 
Mrs.  Dean  are  going  to  rehearse  the  sceney  take 
points  of  vantage  to  see  them .  Miss  Toby  and  Miss 
Farrington  enter  at  the  right .  Miss  Toby  sits  on 
the  table  below  the  door ,  Miss  Farrington  lean¬ 
ing  against  it .  Miss  Donahue  sits  on  the  window- 
seat,  M’Ginnis,  Hickson  and  Steve  stand  at  the 
back  of  the  window .  Effie,  Goldman  and  Bil¬ 
lings  appear  in  the  door  at  the  left .  Smith  re¬ 
mains  seated  in  his  chair,  Johnny  at  the  desk . 
Tompkins  is  in  the  wings  at  the  left  waiting  for  his 
cue  to  enter  as  Henderson.  Mrs.  Dean  in 
Jerry’s  part  of  Dick,  climbs  on  the  window-seat, 
Rosenbaum  in  Betty’s  part  of  Dora,  gets  the 
bonds.  Both  of  them  are  very  serious  in  their  in¬ 
tention  but  highly  ludicrous  in  the  result  as  they  are 
naturally  quite  unfitted  physically  for  the  hero  and 
the  heroine  of  “Dora’s  Dilemma.”  Rosenbaum, 
forgetting  the  cigar  in  his  mouth,  imitates  Betty’s 
stage  “business”  at  the  desk,  then  backs  up  towards 
the  rear  door .  He  opens  it.  The  necessary  “cue” 
of  a  closing  door  is  not  heard. 

Rqsenbaum.  [Irritably.']  Where’s  that  door  slam? 

[Hickson  rushes  off  right.  Maginnis  rushes  off  left. 
Immediately  there  are  two  door  slams  heard  off  left 
followed  by  two  off  right. 

Rosenbaum.  My  God!  Four  Hendersons! 

[He  staggers  down  to  the  table,  falls  into  the  chair, 
still  imitating  Betty. 

Tompkins.  [Entering  the  rear  door,  sees  the  “situa¬ 
tion.”]  “Help!  Help!” 

[The  first  “Help”  is  given  loudly,  the  other  two  die 
away  as  Tompkins,  wishing  to  see  the  scene,  does 


act  in]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  171 

not  go  as  demanded  by  the  “business,”  but  remains 
in  the  doorway . 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Rushing  down  from  the  window.]  “Dora! 
Dora!  What's  happened?" 

Rosenbaum.  [Rising,  and  meeting  her  at  the  centre .] 
“Dick!  Dick!  Here  are  your  bonds!" 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Dramatically .]  “Dora!  Dora!  You  have 
saved  my  honour!" 

[Mrs.  Dean  clasps  Rosenbaum  in  her  arms  fer¬ 
vently,  crushing  his  hat  over  his  eyes ,  forcing  it  to  an 
angle  of  45  degrees.  Rosenbaum  blindly  tries  with 
his  left  hand  to  find  the  pocket  in  Mrs.  Dean’s 
clothes  in  order  to  imitate  Betty’s  “ business ”  of 
placing  the  bonds  in  Jerry’s  overcoat.  The  com¬ 
pany,  stifling  their  laughter,  fall  out  of  the  room . 
Smith  is  almost  fainting  with  horror.  Betty,  stuf¬ 
fing  her  handkerchief  in  her  mouth,  rocks  with  mirth . 
Jerry  is  not  so  discreet,  for  shrieking  with  laugh¬ 
ter,  he  advances  to  Rosenbaum  and  Mrs.  Dean, 
who  at  the  sound  of  his  glee  have  started  apart . 

Jerry.  You  see,  you  forgot  the  overcoat  altogether — oh, 
I  beg  your  pardon,  but  you  were  so  funny. 

Rosenbaum.  [Angrily.]  Funny!  You  ought  to  see  your¬ 
self! 

Smith.  [Rushing  to  Jerry.]  Funny!  You  hold  my 
play  up  to  ridicule,  kill  it,  and  think  it’s  funny! 

[He  starts  to  the  door  at  the  left 4 

Rosenbaum.  Where  are  you  going? 

Smith.  Home.  Will  you  do  me  one  favour? 

Rosenbaum.  What? 

Smith.  Take  my  name  off  the  programme. 

[He  goes,  slamming  the  door .  The  noise  of  the  row 
attracts  the  notice  of  the  company,  who  come  run¬ 
ning  back  to  their  former  positions  in  time  to  hear 
Smith’s  farewell  speech.  There  is  a  pause.  Mrs. 
Dean,  at  first  speechless  with  rage,  breaks  into  a 
fierce  tirade. 


172 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  III 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Indignantly .]  The  base  ingrate!  He 
ought  to  be  on  his  knees  to  me.  To  think  how  Fve  worked 
on  his  piffling  play!  I  ask  you  all,  could  anybody  who 
heard  him  read  it,  recognise  it  now?  [ Tearfully .]  If  it 
hadn’t  been  for  me,  this  play  would  never  have  seen  New 
York.  Nobody  believes  in  it  but  me.  I’ve  worked  myself 
into  an  untimely  grave  to  give  you  all  a  season’s  run,  and 
you’re  all  against  me.  [Crying.]  You’re  all  against  me, 
every  last  one  of  you!  I’m  just  one  lone  woman  against 
a  band  of  pessimistic  knockers.  I  can’t  stand  any  more! 

[She  goes ,  sobbing.  Betty  rises  to  follow  her  but  is 
stopped  by  Effie,  who  runs  out  calling  “ Matilda , 
Matilda .”  The  company ,  who  have  all  been  unani¬ 
mous  in  their  dislike  of  Mrs.  Dean,  have  a  revulsion 
of  feeling  now  that  she  is  apparently  at  the  end  of 
her  endurance.  Talking  quietly  and  sympathetically 
everyone  disappears ,  leaving  Betty  almost  in  tears 
and  Jerry  remorseful. 

Betty.  Poor  mother!  She’s  utterly  worn  out! 

Jerry.  I  never  thought  she’d  take  it  so  much  to  heart. 

Betty.  It  will  just  about  kill  her  if  it  doesn’t  get  over! 

Jerry.  Oh  don’t,  Betty,  you  make  me  feel  like  a  dog! 

[He  moves  away. 

Betty.  [Following  him.]  Why,  Jerry,  you’re  doing  the 
best  you  can.  It  isn’t  your  fault!  I  thought  the  play 
was  awful  when  we  read  it,  and  when  it  didn’t  go  on  the 
road,  I  begged  mother  not  to  let  Rosie  bring  it  in,  but  she’s 
mad  about  it.  Of  course,  she  can’t  see  any  further  than 
that  my  part  is  good.  Poor  mother! 

Jerry.  [Turning  to  her  and  taking  her  hands.]  Look 
here,  Betty,  if  you  ever  heard  that  I’d  done  something  that 
was — rotten — would  you  love  me  just  the  same? 

Betty.  But  you  couldn’t.  Besides,  I’d  love  you  what¬ 
ever  you  did ! 

Jerry.  You’ll  remember  that,  won’t  you?  Promise. 

Betty.  Cross  my  heart!  [She  does  so.]  But  why  are 
you  so  serious? 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


173 


ACT  III] 

Jerry*  Oh,  it’s  nothing!  We’ll  make  it  up  to  her. 

Betty.  To  mother.  Make  up  what? 

Jerry.  We’ll  be  mighty  kind  to  her  if  anything  happens 
to  disappoint  her,  won’t  we? 

Betty.  Why,  of  course!  But  you  are  always  kind  to 
her.  I’ll  go  to  her  now. 

[She  kisses  him  and  starts  to  the  door. 

Rosenbaum.  [Entering.]  Are  you  two  scrapping  now? 

Betty.  No.  Jerry’s  worried  for  fear  the  piece  may  fail. 

[She  goes . 

Rosenbaum.  What?  Say,  what’s  happened  to  you? 

Jerry.  Mrs.  Dean’s  got  me  going,  that’s  all.  I  almost 
wish  it  wasn’t  going  to  fail! 

Rosenbaum.  Well,  you’ll  lose  your  wish. 

Jerry.  Looks  like  a  sure-fire  failure,  eh? 

Rosenbaum.  [Smiling.]  I  made  arrangements  today  to 
invest  that  five  thousand  dollars. 

Jerry.  I  didn’t  know.  You  seemed  so  interested  to¬ 
night.  I  thought  perhaps  you  liked  it. 

Rosenbaum.  I  can’t  help  it.  I  seem  to  like  anything 
when  it  gets  as  far  as  the  dress  rehearsal. 

Jerry.  [Starting  to  follow  Betty.]  Well,  I’m  going  to 
make  a  clean  breast  of  my  scheme  to  Betty. 

Rosenbaum.  [Stopping  him.]  Don’t  speak  to  her,  not 
before  we  open!  She’ll  make  a  hit.  That’s  all  her  mother 
wants.  She’ll  blame  the  play.  And  just  think  of  the 
things  she’ll  say  about  the  author! 

[Mrs.  Dean  returns,  wiping  her  eyes,  Betty  and 
Effie  accompanying  her .  Tompkins  appears  at  the 
rear  door . 

Betty.  Now,  mother,  what  do  you  want  us  to  do? 

Mrs.  Dean.  We’ll  rehearse  the  curtain  calls  on  this  act, 

Tompkins.  Everybody  on  stage,  please.  First  call, 
everybody.  [Mrs.  Dean  goes  to  the  right  and  Rosenbaum 
to  the  left.  Betty  and  Jerry  take  their  positions  in  the 
exact  centre,  Jerry  to  the  right  of  her.  Johnny  enters  and 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


174 


[act  hi 


comes  to  the  lejt  of  Betty.]  [ Irritably .]  Miss  Donahue, 
you’re  over  there. 

[He  pushes  her  into  place  next  to  Johnny,  shoves 
Miss  Toby  next  to  her .  Mrs.  Dean  is  arranging 
the  other  end  of  the  line .  Billings  gets  into  the 
wrong  place . 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Impatiently  to  Billings.]  Haven’t  you 
any  dramatic  instinct? 

[She  grabs  Billings  and  puts  him  next  to  Effie, 
then  returns  to  the  extreme  right .  Tompkins  takes 
his  place .  The  line-up  for  the  “call”  from  left  to 
right  is  Miss  Toby,  Billings,  Effie,  Jerry,  Betty, 
Johnny,  Miss  Donahue,  Tompkins  and  Miss 
Farrington. 

Tompkins.  Curtain  up!  [He  gives  the  signal  for  the 
imaginary  curtain.  Everybody  bows  and  smiles .]  Cur¬ 
tain  down!  [Everybody  looks  bored.  This  business  is  re¬ 
peated  for  all  the  curtain  calls.]  Second  call — Principals. 

[All  run  off  excepting  Johnny,  Effie,  Jerry,  Betty 
and  Billings,  and  Tompkins,  who  joins  Rosen¬ 
baum. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Mr.  Billings,  we  said — principals! 

Billings.  Quite  so. 

Rosenbaum.  Get  off,  you’re  a  “bit”! 

[Billings  goes  grumbling. 

Tompkins.  Curtain  up!  [They  repeat  the  bowing  and 
smiling.]  Down!  Third  call.  Miss  Dean,  Mr.  Belden  and 
Brinkley.  [Effie  runs  off  quickly.]  Up!  [Business  as 
before .]  Down.  Fourth.  Miss  Dean  and  Belden  [Johnny 
goes.]  Up.  [The  same  business.]  Down. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Proudly.]  And  now — Betty. 

[Jerry  runs  out  the  rear  door.  Betty  goes  up  the 
centre  carrying  her  train.  She  starts  down  stage  to 
the  left ,  dropping  her  train  carefully.  Then  Betty 
stops  as  though  surprised  by  a  burst  of  applause. 
She  bows. 


act  hi]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  175 

Mrs.  Dean.  Shrink,  darling,  shrink!  [Betty  goes  up 
the  stage  shrinking .]  Hold  out  your  hand. 

[Betty  holds  out  her  hand  as  though  desirous  of 
bringing  someone  to  share  her  triumph .  When  she 
gets  to  the  rear  door ,  Jerry  jumps  on  and  takes  her 
outstretched  hand.  Betty  is  annoyed * 

Betty.  [ Complainingly .]  Mother! 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Furiously .]  Get  off!  Get  off!  [Jerry 
hurries  out.]  Now  darling,  if  those  ushers  earn  their 
money,  drag  on  the  company  one  by  one.  Save  Effie  until 
the  last.  I’ll  show  you.  Oh  Effie!  [Betty  moves  away 
and  watches  Mrs.  Dean,  who ,  smiling  sweetly ,  gambols 
across  to  the  door  at  the  right .  Effie  is  a  trifle  slow  in 
coming  on.  Mrs.  Dean  jerks  her  through  the  door.]  Oh, 
hurry  up!  [ She  takes  Effie,  who  is  very  sulky,  to  the 
centre,  makes  a  deep  bow  to  her,  then  putting  her  arm 
around  Effie,  turns  to  Betty.]  See,  dear,  this  is  always 
good  for  another  one. 

Rosenbaum.  Smile,  Effie,  smile  1 

Effie.  Do  I  have  to  rehearse  the  smile? 

[She  smiles  stagily,  looks  angrily  at  Mrs.  Dean,  then 
stalks  off. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Now,  darling,  look  for  the  author.  [She 
trips  around  from  left  to  right  looking  off  in  the  wings  for 
an  imaginary  author,  then  advancing  to  the  footlights, 
smiles  coyly  at  on  imaginary  audience.]  I  don’t  know 
where  the  author  is.  [To  Betty  in  a  business-like  tone.] 
Try  it,  darling. 

[Betty  imitates  the  “business”  of  looking  for  the  au¬ 
thor  and  in  doing  so  sees  Rosenbaum. 

Betty.  Do  I  look  for  Rosie,  too? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Disgustedly.]  No.  He’ll  be  out  in  front 
applauding.  And  now  the  speech. 

Betty.  [Betty,  advancing  to  the  centre,  smiles  very 
brightly. ]  I  don’t  know  where  the  author  is. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Very  kittenishly .]  Be  coy,  Betty,  be  coy! 

Betty.  [Imitating  her.]  I  don’t  know  where  the  author 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


176 


[act  hi 


is.  I  can’t  make  a  speech,  except  to  say  that  we’re  all  very 
happy  and  we’ve  worked  very  hard - 

Rosenbaum.  Cut  that  out.  They  don’t  give  a  damn 
how  hard  you’ve  worked. 

Betty.  We’re  all  very  happy.  [Very  brightly']  and  I 
thank  you. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Tearfully.]  Cry,  Betty,  cry. 

Betty.  [Crying.]  I  thank  you.  I  thank  you. 

[She  backs  up  the  stage  bowing. 

The  curtain  is  lowered  to  indicate  a  lapse  of  time. 


SCENE  TWO:  The  First  Night 


After  the  curtain  falls  there  is  an  instant  of  time ,  then 
Rosenbaum  appears  in  the  left  upper  stage  box  of  the 
theatre .  He  looks  over  its  railing  at  the  audience , 
then  sits  with  his  back  to  the  stage  mentally  (i  counting 
the  house”  Mrs.  Dean,  following  him,  looks  over  the 
railing  at  the  audience  and  then  seats  herself  facing  the 
stage.  Smith  comes  in  and,  sitting  between  them, 
nervously  crumples  a  programme .  Rosenbaum  is  in 
a  dinner  jacket,  Smith  in  evening  clothes,  Mrs.  Dean 
in  a  wrap  and  over  her  head  a  scarf  which  she  removes . 
The  idea  sought  to  be  conveyed  is  that  the  curtain  is  ris¬ 
ing  on  the  final  scenes  in  the  third  act  during  the  first 
performance  of  uDorays  Dilemma  ” 

The  curtain  rises  to  disclose  a  completely  furnished  stage 
setting  representing  the  library  in  the  Robert  Chap¬ 
man  home .  Effie,  as  Mrs.  Bennett,  is  seated  on 
the  couch .  Betty,  as  Dora  Chapman,  is  speaking 
to  her . 

Dora.  But,  Mrs.  Bennett,  has  the  firm  missed  the  bonds? 

Mrs.  Bennett.  Not  yet,  but  if  Dick  does  not  restore 
them  by  ten  o’clock  tomorrow  morning  their  loss  will  be 
discovered,  and  my  son  will  be  arrested  and  branded  as 
a  thief! 

Dora.  My  God!  But  why  did  Dick  give  those  securities 
to  my  husband? 

Mrs.  Bennett.  Mr.  Chapman  said  he  wanted  the  use  of 
ten  United  States  bonds  for  just  twelve  hours.  He  prom¬ 
ised  faithfully  to  return  them  to  Dick  tonight.  He’s  failed 
him  again.  Now  Dick  has  gone  home  hoping  to  find  them 
there. 


177 


178 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  III 


Dora.  How  did  you  learn  all  this? 

Mrs.  Bennett.  Dick's  been  anxious  all  the  evening. 
You  noticed  it.  I  saw  him  come  in  here,  followed  him  and 
found  him  ransacking  that  desk.  Then  I  made  him  tell  me. 

Dora.  But  why  should  Dick  run  this  risk? 

Mrs.  Bennett.  Because  of  you. 

Dora.  Because  of  me? 

Mrs.  Bennett.  Your  husband  threatened  him! 

Dora.  What  about? 

Mrs.  Bennett.  A  divorce  suit,  naming  Dick  as  co-re¬ 
spondent. 

Dora.  That's  absurd.  He  knows  it  isn't  true. 

Mrs.  Bennett.  The  coupling  of  your  names  would  be 
enough  to  ruin  you  both. 

Dora.  The  beast!  To  think  of  all  the  wrongs  and  humili¬ 
ations  that  I  have  suffered  in  silence  and  then  to  threaten 
to  drag  me  down,  to  ruin  the  man  I  love!  Oh,  I’ll  confess 
it.  I  do  love  your  son.  But  you  don't  believe  this  of  Dick 
and  me? 

Mrs.  Bennett.  [ Taking  Dora's  hands .]  No,  no,  I've 
suspected  that  my  son  loved  you,  and  that  you  loved  him. 
That's  why  I  waited  here  after  the  others  had  gone,  to 
implore  you  to  save  him. 

Dora.  I  will.  I  must!  I'll  find  some  way  to  get  those 
bonds. 

[Enter  quickly  Johnny,  as  Chapman,  from  the  rear 
door .  He  wears  a  business  suit  and  carries  a  bag . 
He  stops  at  the  sight  of  the  women . 

Chapman.  Oh,  good  evening.  [Mrs.  Bennett  rises.] 
Oh,  don't  let  me  drive  you  away. 

[He  goes  down  to  the  desk  and  puts  the  bag  on  the 
end  of  it. 

Dora.  Mrs.  Bennett  was  about  to  leave.  Will  you  ring 
for  Henderson? 

[Chapman  pushes  the  button  on  the  desk .  It  rings  off 
stage. 


act  hi]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  179 

Mrs.  Bennett.  My  son  has  been  looking  for  you  all 
evening. 

Chapman.  [ Frightened .]  Is  he  here? 

Mrs.  Bennett.  No,  he’s  gone  home. 

Chapman.  [Relieved.]  Make  my  apologies.  Tell  him  I 
was  delayed  unexpectedly.  That  I’ll  see  him  in  the  morn¬ 
ing. 

Mrs.  Bennett.  [Eagerly.]  Early? 

Chapman.  [Opening  the  bag.]  Nine  o’clock  at  my  office. 

[Tompkins  enters  as  Henderson, 
^ora.  Henderson,  Mrs.  Bennett’s  carriage. 

[Mrs.  Bennett  goes ,  followed  by  Dora.  Chapman 
crosses  to  the  window  where  he  stands  beside  the 
drawn  curtains  looking  out.  Dora  returns. 

Chapman.  Dora,  Dora,  come  here  quickly.  [Dora 
crosses  in  front  of  Chapman  to  the  window.]  Do  you  see 
anybody  out  there? 

Dora.  A  policeman  I 

Chapman.  Does  he  seem  to  be  watching  the  house? 

Dora.  No. 

Chapman.  Anyone  else? 

Dora.  No. 

Chapman.  Sure? 

Dora.  Yes. 

Chapman.  [Going  to  the  desk  quickly .]  Dora,  you’ve 
got  to  help  me. 

Dora.  Help  you?  How? 

Chapman.  Someone  I  can  trust  must  sail  on  the  Mau¬ 
retania  tonight  with  this. 

[He  indicates  the  bag  on  the  desk . 

Dora.  What  have  you  done? 

Chapman.  Unless  late  tonight  when  I  give  the  alarm 
with  this  [He  takes  a  revolver  out  of  his  pocket ],  I  can 
be  found  here  chloroformed  [He  takes  a  bottle  out  of  his 
pocket  and  puts  it  on  the  desk],  the  safe  in  this  desk  opened, 
robbed,  they  can  send  me  up. 


180 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  in 


Dora.  Oh,  Bob!  Bob! 

Chapman.  I  was  going  to  make  a  getaway,  but  I  can’t. 
The  secret  service  men  are  watching  me.  Will  you  go? 

Dora.  I  can’t.  I  can’t! 

Chapman.  You’ll  be  all  right.  I’ll  join  you  as  soon  as  I 
can.  There’s  plenty  of  money  in  that  bag,  and  these  ten 
United  States  Bonds  are  as  good  as  cash.  Will  you  go 
through  with  this  for  me? 

[Dora  recognises  the  bonds  which  he  displays  to  her 
as  those  Dick  has  given  Chapman. 

Dora.  Yes,  yes. 

Chapman.  Good. 

Dora.  [ Falling  into  the  chair  at  the  desk ,  as  though 
fainting .]  Oh,  oh,  oh. 

Chapman.  What  is  it? 

Dora.  I  feel  faint — the  shock — some  water — downstairs 
— the  dining  room.  [ The  moment  Chapman  goes  she  shows 
that  the  faint  was  pretended  and  stealthily  rising  gets  the 
telephone .]  Central,  central;  get  me  84  Bryant,  quickly, 
quickly.  [ She  waits  anxiously .]  Hello,  84  Bryant?  Oh, 
is  that  you,  Dick.  Can  you  hear  me?  I’ve  got  your  bonds. 
Come  here  at  once,  come  through  the  garden  to  the  library 
window! 

[As  Betty  is  replacing  the  receiver,  Chapman  enters. 

Chapman.  To  whom  were  you  telephoning? 

Dora.  [ Frightened ,  then  recovering .]  A  wrong  number! 

[She  goes  slowly  up  to  the  window  to  open  it. 

Chapman.  [Watching  her  suspiciously .]  What  are  you 
doing? 

Dora.  It’s  so  close  in  here. 

[She  opens  the  window. 

Chapman.  [Going  to  the  desk.]  Wrong  number,  eh? 
[Dora  watches  him  anxiously.  He  picks  up  the  telephone.] 
Central,  what  was  that  number  just  called  from  here?  [Dora 
starts  from  the  window  to  him.]  84  Bryant!  [Dora  gives 
faint  cry.]  Huh — I  thought  so.  [He  replaces  the  receiver.] 


act  in]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  181 

What  did  you  have  to  say  to  Bennett?  Come,  out  with 
it! 

Dora.  [Hesitatingly .]  Nothing.  I  simply  telephoned 
good-bye. 

Chapman.  I  wonder  if  you’re  putting  up  a  job  on  me? 

Dora.  Don’t  be  absurd.  I  must  hurry.  [ She  starts  to 
the  door.]  We’ve  no  time  to  lose. 

Chapman.  You’re  anxious  to  go,  aren’t  you?  Maybe 
Bennett’s  waiting  for  you?  Is  he? 

Dora.  Of  course  not. 

Chapman.  What  did  his  mother  tell  you  tonight? 

Dora.  [Hesitatingly .]  What  could  there  be  to  tell? 

[She  comes  down  to  the  back  of  the  desk. 

Chapman.  By  God,  that’s  why  you  gave  in!  His 
mother  told  you  about  the  bonds.  You’re  going  to  give 
them  to  him. 

[He  makes  a  rush  for  her. 

Dora.  [Picking  up  the  revolver  from  the  desk.]  Yes,  I 
am.  Give  them  to  me. 

[She  points  the  revolver  at  him  across  the  desk. 

Chapman.  [Backing  away  a  step  or  two.]  What? 
You - 

Dora.  I’m  not  afraid  of  you,  I  mean  this. 

[Chapman  opens  the  bag  which  is  on  the  desk,  takes 
out  the  package  of  United  States  Bonds ,  and  throws 
them  on  the  desk.  As  she  reaches  for  them  he 
jumps ,  grabs  her  wrist,  gets  the  revolver,  then  takes 
the  bonds  forcibly  from  her,  and  puts  them  in  the 
bag.  Dora  sinks  on  the  chair  at  the  desk. 

Chapman.  I  might  have  known  I  couldn’t  trust  you, 
I’ll  take  a  chance.  I’ll  go  myself,  and  you’ll  go  with 
me. 

Dora.  I  won’t.  I  won’t. 

Chapman.  Oh  yes  you  will,  or  I’ll  stay  here  and  when 

Dick  Bennett  comes  through  that  window - [Dora 

gasps.]  Oh,  that’s  why  you  opened  it!  I’ll  shoot  him 
dead. 


182 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  hi 


Dora.  You  wouldn’t  dare. 

Chapman.  Dare?  Invading  the  sanctity  of  my  home. 
It  mightn’t  be  a  bad  idea  at  that.  Wonder  I  didn’t  think  of 
it  instead  of  that  chloroform  stunt. 

[, Sitting  in  the  chair  in  front  of  the  desk ,  he  leans  over 
and  opens  the  safe ,  and  begins  to  empty  it  of  its 
contents . 

I  could  plant  the  robbery  on  him.  How  would  you  like 
that  for  your  lover?  [He  laughs .]  You  thought  you  had 
me  beat!  Me!  That’s  funny.  That’s  damn  funny. 

[He  laughs,  leaning  back  in  his  chair .  At  the  mention 
of  the  word  “chloroform”  Dora  takes  the  bottle  from 
the  desk  and  empties  it  on  her  handkerchief .  Chap¬ 
man  roars  with  laughter  and  says  “Damn  funny  ” 
Dora  thrusts  the  handkerchief  over  his  mouthy  grabs 
his  right  arm  and  brings  it  up  back  of  the  chair . 
Chapman  struggles. 

Dora.  You’ll  go?  You’ll  stay  here  and  be  caught  like 
a  rat  in  a  trap.  You  can  disgrace  me,  shame  me,  but  you 
won’t  make  the  man  I  love  a  thief!  I’ve  beaten  you,  do 
you  hear?  You  beast!  I’ve  beaten  you! 

[Chapman’s  hand  falling  limply  on  the  desk  presses 
the  button.  The  bell  rings  off  stage .  Betty 

alarmed,  listens,  then  dropping  the  handkerchief , 
she  gets  the  bonds  from  the  bag,  and  starts  to  leave 
when  a  door  is  heard  to  slam. 

Dora.  My  God!  Henderson! 

[She  looks  wildly  about,  holding  the  bonds  in  front  of 
her,  and  runs  down  to  the  chair  at  the  desk  and  falls 
forward  as  though  in  a  faint. 

Henderson.  [ Entering ,  sees  the  situation,  then  goes 
quickly ,  calling .]  Help!  Help!  Help! 

[Jerry,  as  Dick,  rushes  in  through  the  window. 

Dick.  Dora,  Dora!  what’s  happened! 

Dora.  O  Dick,  here  are  your  bonds. 

Dick.  O  Dora,  you  have  saved  my  honour. 

Dora.  He  was  going  to  run  away,  leave  the  country.  I 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


183 


ACT  III] 

chloroformed  him.  [She  puts  the  bonds  in  his  overcoat 
pocket .]  Now,  go,  go. 

[A  police  whistle  sounds  faintly. 

Dick.  Leave  you?  No. 

Dora.  You  must.  There  are  the  police.  They’ll  never 
suspect  me.  Oh  go,  for  God’s  sake  go.  [She  pushes  him 
towards  the  window.  The  police  whistle  is  heard  nearer .] 
No,  no,  get  behind  that  curtain. 

[She  pushes  Dick  behind  the  curtain  at  the  window 
and  starts  for  the  door. 

Henderson.  [Entering.]  Oh,  Ma’am,  are  you  all  right? 

Dora.  Oh  yes,  yes. 

[Enter  Billings  as  a  Policeman. 

Policeman.  What  is  it? 

Dora.  Help  me  out  of  here. 

[Henderson  leads  her  towards  the  door.  Chapman 
has  been  coming  out  of  his  daze. 

Chapman.  Stop  her.  She  robbed  me! 

Policeman.  Wait! 

Dora.  He  doesn’t  know  what  he’s  saying.  I’m  his  wife. 

[She  tries  to  go. 

Chapman.  [Rising.]  Stop  her.  Search  her.  She  chloro¬ 
formed  me,  robbed  me.  [He  turns  toward  the  window  and 
sees  the  curtain  move.]  And  get  that  man  behind  the  cur¬ 
tain. 

[Dora,  who  is  at  the  door ,  turns  off  the  lights.  Dick 
rushes  out.  He  and  the  Policeman  struggle 

Chapman.  Turn  on  those  lights. 

[When  the  lights  go  up  Dick  is  discovered  wearing 
the  overcoat  with  the  bonds  sticking  out  of  the 
pocket,  in  plain  view.  Dora  is  at  the  couch  looking 
wildly  for  the  overcoat. 

Chapman.  Search  him! 

Policeman.  Put  up  your  hands!  Put  up  your  hands! 

[Billings  sees  the  overcoat,  and  the  bonds.  He  is 
paralysed.  A  stage  wait  occurs. 


184  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  hi 

Mrs.  Dean.  [From  the  stage  box.]  Great  Heavensl 
He’s  got  on  the  overcoat  I 

Smith.  [From  the  stage  box.]  I’ll  kill  him! 

[Billings,  Johnny,  Tompkins  and  Betty  become 
panic-stricken,  losing  their  characterizations  com¬ 
pletely.  Jerry  suddenly  realises  what  he  has  done 
but  is  unabashed. 

Jerry.  Come  on,  search  me.  [Billings  looks  again  at 
Jerry,  then  at  Johnny.]  Come  on,  you  big  boob,  search 
me! 

[He  hesitates.  Jerry  jumps  jor  him,  knocks  him 
down. 

Betty.  [Wildly.]  What  will  I  do?  What  will  I  do? 

Jerry.  Do.  You’ll  come  with  me! 

[He  dashes  at  Johnny  who  rushes  oft  below  the 
tormentor.  Jerry  then  jumps  on  the  desk,  and  leaps 
at  Tompkins,  who  dodges.  Then  he  grabs  Betty 
who  has  fainted  and  jumps  out  of  the  window. 

Rosenbaum.  [From  the  box.]  Ring  down,  Ring  down! 

Tompkins.  [Rushing  oft  below  the  tormentor.]  Ring 
down! 


CURTAIN 


THE  FOURTH  ACT 


Jerry’s  apartment  in  a  Studio  building  in  New  York , — a 
simply  and  attractively  furnished  room  with  a  door 
at  the  left  to  the  bedroom  and  another  at  the  back  to 
the  hall .  There  is  a  fireplace  at  the  right  and  extend¬ 
ing  from  it  into  the  room ,  its  back  to  the  spectator  is 
a  large  couch  covered  with  corduroy .  Facing  it  is  a 
comfortable  wing  chair  and  a  table  with  a  reading 
light .  At  the  left  is  a  window  with  a  cushioned  seat 
and  in  front  of  it  a  handsome  table  with  writing  ma¬ 
terials,  a  lamp,  a  rack  of  books  and  silver  boxes  con¬ 
taining  cigarettes .  Behind  the  desk  is  a  chair,  in  front 
of  it  a  bench  with  a  cushion  of  corduroy.  Against  the 
back  wall  is  a  Jacobean  cabinet  and  a  table  with  a 
lamp.  Another  table  for  newspapers  and  magazines 
stands  at  the  left  end  of  the  couch.  There  are  framed 
photographs  on  the  walls,  the  mantel-piece,  the  tables 
and  the  desk,  all  of  Betty  in  various  poses.  Bright 
sunlight  is  streaming  through  the  windows. 

Walter,  Jerry’s  man-servant,  has  placed  the  morning 
papers  and  the  mail  on  the  desk  and  is  starting  for  the 
bedroom  carrying  the  coat  of  a  suit  when  the  door 
opens  and  Jerry  appears. 

Jerry.  Good  morning,  Walters.  What  time  is  it? 

Walters.  Eleven  o’clock.  [ Offering  Jerry  his  coat.'] 
Will  you  have  your  coat,  sir? 

Jerry.  Yes.  [ Taking  off  his  lounging  jacket.]  Did  you 
get  all  the  morning  papers? 

Walters.  They’re  on  the  table,  sir.  Mr.  Rosenbaum  has 
been  phoning.  He’ll  be  over  later.  [He  takes  the  loung¬ 
ing  jacket  and  starts  to  go.  At  the  door  to  the  bedroom  he 

185 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


186 


[act  it 


stops.]  Beg  pardon  for  mentioning  it,  sir,  but  I  hope 
“Dora’s  Dilemma”  was  a  success  last  night. 

Jerry.  [ Angrily .]  Don’t  talk  about  it. 

Walters.  Oh  no,  sir.  Thank  you,  sir. 

[He  goes.  Jerry  takes  a  cigarette  from  a  box  on  the 
table,  and  is  getting  a  match ,  when  there  comes  a 
knock  at  the  door. 

Jerry.  Come  in.  [Jerry  is  lighting  his  cigarette,  his  back 
to  the  door,  and  does  not  see  Betty  entering,  carrying  a 
suit  case.  She  places  it  beside  the  door,  then  with  a  little 
sob  comes  towards  Jerry,  who,  hearing  the  sound,  turns 
and  goes  to  her  quickly .]  Betty!  Good  heavens,  Betty, 
what’s  happened?  What  are  you  doing  here?  Where’s 
your  mother? 

Betty.  Oh,  stop  asking  me  questions  and  kiss  me. 

[Jerry  takes  her  in  his  arms  and  kisses  her. 

Jerry.  There!  Now  tell  me,  what’s  happened? 

Betty.  [ Surprised .]  Haven’t  you  read  the  papers? 

Jerry.  I  haven’t  had  time. 

Betty.  [Crying.]  Mother  will  never  let  us  get  married 
now. 

Jerry.  Why? 

Betty.  The  play’s  a  hit. 

Jerry.  [Staggered.]  Whatl 

Betty.  Look  at  the  papersl 

[She  gets  a  paper  from  a  table  at  the  end  of  the  couch 
and  hands  it  to  him. 

Jerry.  It  can’t  be  true!  [Reading.]  “The  dramatic 
sensation  of  the  century.” 

Betty.  What  did  I  tell  you? 

[She  sits  on  the  couch,  her  back  to  the  spectators. 

Jerry.  It  can’t  be  a  success!  Your  mother  had  hys¬ 
terics  after  I  bawled  up  that  third  act  finish. 

[He  begins  to  read  the  review. 

Betty.  [Crying.]  I  know.  She  scolded  me,  too.  I  went 
home  so  happy.  Then  this  morning  the  first  paper  I  looked 
at  said:  “Not  since  Maude  Adams  took  New  York  by  storm 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


187 


ACT  IV] 

has  any  actress  won  such  instant  favour  as  Bettina  Dean.” 
I’d  like  to  boil  that  man  in  oil. 

[She  cries  again. 

Jerry.  [ Gloomily ,  from  behind  the  newspaper.']  I  was 
a  hit  too. 

Betty.  The  critics  must  be  crazy.  You  were  awful. 

Jerry.  But  you  saw  what  they  wrote  about  me. 

Betty.  Yes,  one  of  them  said — “Where  has  Jerome 
Belden  been?  Why  have  we  been  deprived  of  him  all  these 
years?” 

Jerry.  Listen  to  this  son-of-a-gun — [Reading]  “Not  in 
the  memory  of  the  oldest  playgoer  has  the  New  York  stage 
given  to  us  so  charmingly  unconventional  an  actor  as 
Jerome  Belden.  Even  the  baldly  melodramatic  climax  of 
the  third  act  was  handled  by  Mr.  Belden  with  such  utter 
disregard  of  conventional  method  and  technique.  .  .  .” 
What’s  technique? 

Betty.  Something  you  struggle  all  your  life  to  get,  that 
makes  the  public  tired  when  you  give  it  to  them.  Oh,  dear! 

[She  sobs. 

Jerry.  Don’t,  Betty,  don’t. 

[He  sits  on  the  couch  beside  her  his  back  to  the  audi¬ 
ence  and  takes  her  in  his  arms. 

Betty.  How  can  those  critics  be  so  kind  when  they  can 
be  so  mean? 

Jerry.  Oh,  maybe  this  is  just  newspaper  talk. 

Betty.  [Releasing  herself.]  Oh,  I’m  afraid  they  liked  it. 
[They  turn,  their  arms  on  the  back  of  the  couch,  looking 
directly  at  the  spectators.]  I  saw  all  the  first-nighters  ap¬ 
plauding. 

Jerry.  Yes;  the  whole  lodge  was  there. 

Betty.  What  lodge? 

Jerry.  The  Ancient  Order  of  Grave  Diggers. 

Betty.  They  gave  us  fifteen  curtain  calls. 

Jerry.  Oh,  that’s  just  first-night  stuff. 

Betty.  No,  if  those  Grave  Diggers  like  a  thing,  they  go 
out  and  rave  about  it. 


188  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  iv 

[She  cries.  Jerry  turns  and  takes  her  in  his  arms , 
both  again  with  their  backs  to  the  spectators. 

.  .Jerry.  Well,  maybe  it  won’t  draw. 

Betty.  Draw?  Mother  says  it  will  run  all  season. 
Jerry.  Some  plays  run  in  New  York  for  two  years. 
Betty.  Don’t,  Jerry,  don’t. 

[, She  sobs. 

Jerry.  Look  at  Monte  Cristo! 

Betty.  [ Sobbing  wildly.']  And  Rip  Van  Winkle! 

Jerry.  Oh,  who’d  pay  to  see  this  show? 

Betty.  Go  call  up  the  box-office. 

[Jerry  rises  and  goes  to  the  telephone  on  the  table 
at  the  lejt  of  the  room.  Betty  wipes  her  eyes. 
Jerry.  Never  thought  of  that.  What’s  the  number? 
Betty.  68o  Bryant.  Mother  was  ’phoning  this  morning. 

[She  rises  and  follows  Jerry. 
Jerry.  Give  me  680  Bryant. 

Betty.  [Crying.]  I’m  the  most  miserable  woman  in  the 
world. 

Jerry.  Don’t  take  it  so  much  to  heart. 

Betty.  Mother  says  it’s  absurd  to  talk  of  marriage  in 
the  face  of  this  success. 

Jerry.  What?  Busy?  Call  me. 

[He  places  the  telephone  on  the  table. 
Betty.  [Despairingly.]  Surely  they  can’t  be  telephoning 
for  seats  already? 

[She  sinks  on  the  bench  beside  the  table.  Jerry  gets 
a  chair  and  brings  it  towards  her. 

Jerry.  It’s  a  judgment. 

Betty.  What  do  you  mean? 

Jerry.  Betty,  I’ve  a  confession  to  make. 

[He  hangs  his  head  guiltily . 
Betty.  [Alarmed.]  Jerry,  don’t  tell  me  you’ve  learned  to 
like  the  stage. 

Jerry.  [Despairingly  sitting  in  the  chair.]  No,  worse 
than  that. 

Betty.  Nothing  could  be  worse.  Go  on,  tell  me. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


189 


ACT  IV] 


Jerry.  [ In  the  manner  of  a  stage  confession .]  You  re¬ 
member  the  night  Rosie  made  the  proposition  to  star  you? 

Betty.  Yes,  I’ll  never  forget  it  or  forgive  him. 

Jerry.  Don’t  say  that!  I  was  responsible. 

[In  deep  despair  he  bows  his  head  in  his  hands . 

Betty.  What? 

Jerry.  Yes.  I  furnished  the  backing. 

Betty.  To  make  me  a  star?  Why? 

Jerry.  [Seriously.]  Because  I  loved  you. 

Betty.  [ Indignantly .]  Well,  you  had  a  nice  way  of 
showing  it. 

Jerry.  Your  mother  had  said  it  would  be  death  to  your 
career  to  be  associated  with  a  failure — well,  I  made  up  my 
mind  you’d  fail. 

Betty.  You  darling. 

Jerry.  Rosie  had  a  lot  of  plays  in  his  grip.  I  hadn’t 
read  any  of  them.  I  just  picked  this  one  out  blindly,  think¬ 
ing,  of  course,  that  I’d  pick  a  failure. 

Betty.  Oh,  Jerry,  why  didn’t  you  leave  the  choice  to 
Rosie? 

Jerry.  Why? 

Betty.  It  takes  someone  who  knows  about  plays  to  pick 
a  failure. 

[The  telephone  bell  rings  sharply. 

Jerry.  [Rushing  to  the  telephone.']  Hello,  680  Bryant? 
I  want  a  couple  of  seats  for  tonight.  What?  One  in  the 
fifteenth  row.  Four  weeks  from  Monday  I  Oh,  this  is 
awful!  [Betty  sobs  aloud.]  I’ll  never  be  able  to  live  this 
down.  I’ll  never  dare  to  show  my  face  at  the  Club  again. 

Betty.  And  I’ll  never  be  Mrs.  Jerome  Belden  now. 

[Jerry  in  his  irritation  is  walking  up  and  down;  he 
stumbles  over  Betty’s  suit  case,  and  gives  it  a 
vicious  kick. 

Jerry.  What  the  devil’s  that? 

Betty.  [Sniffling.]  That’s  mine. 

Jerry.  Oh,  excuse  me.  [He  picks  up  the  suit  case,  puts 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


190 


[act  IV 


it  tenderly  and  puts  it  on  the  chair  beside  the  bench.] 
Yours?  Where  are  you  going? 

Betty.  Nowhere.  I’ve  come  to  stay. 

Jerry.  Here? 

Betty.  Yes. 

Jerry.  You  can’t  do  that.  I’d  forgotten.  You  oughtn’t 
to  be  here  now.  How  did  you  get  up  here? 

Betty.  I  gave  the  elevator  boy  five  dollars. 

Jerry.  [Growing  agitated .]  Good  Lord,  did  anyone 
downstairs  see  you? 

Betty.  Yes,  a  lot  of  hall  boys. 

Jerry.  I’ll  fix  them.  They  didn’t  recognise  you? 

Betty.  I  didn’t  wear  a  veil  on  purpose. 

Jerry.  [Very  agitatedly .]  Come,  Betty,  you  must  get  out 
of  here.  Your  mother  might  miss  you,  begin  to  look  for 
you. 

Betty.  She  knows  I’m  here. 

Jerry.  What?  Did  you  tell  her? 

Betty.  No,  she  went  out  early  this  morning,  but  I  left 
a  note. 

[Jerry  frantic,  takes  Betty’s  hands  and  tries  to  draw 
her  to  her  feet . 

Jerry.  Then  come  on;  if  she  finds  you  here,  it  will  be 
terrible. 

Betty.  [Impatiently ,  pulling  her  hands  away.]  I  want 
her  to  find  me  here. 

Jerry.  She  mustn’t,  Betty.  Oh,  I  can’t  put  it  into  words, 
but  it’s  impossible.  This  is  a  bachelor  apartment.  Don’t 
you  appreciate  the  situation? 

Betty.  Perfectly,  I’m  trying  to  be  compromised.  This 
is  our  only  chance. 

Jerry.  Have  you  gone  insane?  I  must  take  her  to  an 
alienist. 

Betty.  [Indignantly.]  If  you  loved  me,  you’d  take  me 
to  a  minister. 

Jerry.  I  will,  Betty,  I  will,  after  we  see  your  mother. 
We  played  the  game  squarely,  we  won’t  sneak  now. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


191 


ACT  IV] 

Betty.  [Crying.']  You  don’t  love  me  any  more. 

Jerry.  [ Taking  her  in  his  arms.]  I  do,  Betty,  I  do.  I 
love  you  too  much  to  let  you  marry  me  on  the  sly.  Now, 
come  on,  dry  your  eyes,  powder  your  nose,  I’ll  order  the 
car,  we  will  drive  to  the  Claremont,  have  some  luncheon, 
then  fortified,  we’ll  call  on  mother,  and  read  the  riot  act. 
[ The  telephone  rings.]  Hello,  Mrs.  Dean  calling?  Tell  her 
I’m  not  in. 

Betty.  [ Running  to  him.]  No — no.  [ She  speaks  into 
the  telephone .]  Ask  her  to  come  right  up.  [Jerry  tries 
to  talk  into  the  telephone.  Betty  puts  her  hand  across  the 
mouthpiece.]  Say  one  word  and  I’ll  never  speak  to  you 
again. 

Jerry.  This  is  going  to  take  some  explaining. 

Betty.  Leave  it  to  me. 

Jerry.  Your  mother  has  every  right  to  be  furious.  Every 
right  to  suspect  me.  Every  right  to  prevent  our  marriage 
now. 

Betty.  Just  let  her  try  it.  [There  is  a  knock  at  the 
door.]  Quick,  Jerry.  [ She  grabs  him ,  throws  herself  into 
his  arms,  puts  his  arms  around  her .  Jerry  struggles .  Betty 
holds  his  H,nds  firmly.]  Come  in! 

[Mrs.  Dean  comes  in,  smilingly,  arrayed  in  a  gor¬ 
geous  gown,  a  fur  trimmed  wrap  of  brocade ,  and  a 
befeathered  picture  hat . 

Mrs.  Dean.  Good  morning,  children.  Gaze  on  your 
mother — “Success,”  Herald . 

[She  sweeps  across  in  front  of  them  to  display  her 
clothes. 

Betty.  Mother,  don’t  you  see  us? 

Mrs.  Dean.  There’s  nothing  the  matter  with  my  eye¬ 
sight. 

Betty.  Mother,  don’t  you  see  us?  I’m  compromised. 

Jerry.  No — no! 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Graciously .]  Bless  my  little  girl.  Your 
mother’s  here.  I  came  as  soon  as  I  found  the  note.  [She 
strokes  the  fur  on  the  sleeve  of  her  wrap.]  Isn’t  it  a  lovely 


192 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  IV 

piece  of  fui»?  They  say  it’s  sable,  but  I  believe  if  you 
stroked  it  the  wrong  way,  it’d  put  up  its  back  and  spit  at 
you. 

Betty.  Mother,  will  you  pay  attention  to  us? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Parading  across  the  room.]  My  dear, 
don’t  be  selfish.  Let  me  enjoy  my  glad  raiment.  After  1 
read  the  papers  and  ’phoned  to  the  box-office,  I  said, 
“Matilda,  go  out  and  squander.” 

Jerry.  The  hit’s  gone  to  her  head. 

[He  sits  on  the  bench. 

Mrs.  Dean.  I  went  straight  to  the  dressmaker’s.  He 
says,  I’m  a  perfect  40,  the  rascal.  [She  giggles .]  Betty. 
[Betty  goes  to  Mrs.  Dean,  who  takes  her  aside  and  whis¬ 
pers .]  Everything  underneath  this  is  embroidered  crepe,  and 
I  wish  you  could  see  the  lilies  of  the  valley  on  my  corsets! 

Betty.  You  look  lovely.  You  know  how  glad  I  .am  that 
at  last  I  see*  you  looking - 

Mrs.  Dean.  Rich  and  recherche. 

Betty.  But  it  would  have  been  more  profitable  and  more 
to  the  point  if  instead  of  visiting  the  dressmaker’s  you  had 
spent  the  time  at  the  dramatic  agencies. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [ Majestically .]  My  day  for  bending  the 
knee  to  the  dramatic  agents  is  over.  In  future,  they’ll 
salaam  to  the  mother  of  Bettina  Dean.  [Betty,  shaking 
her  head  hopelessly,  joins  Jerry  on  the  bench.]  I  don’t 
mind  telling  you  two  in  strictest  confidence  that  I’m  going 
to  be  a  power  in  this  business.  You  saw  what  the  news¬ 
papers  said  about  my  prediction  of  this  play.  I’ve  always 
thought  I  could  do  a  few  things  to  Ibsen. 

Betty.  [To  Jerry.]  Oh,  it’s  hopeless! 

[Mrs.  Dean  pays  no  attention  to  him.  She  takes  off 
her  wrap  and  throws  it  over  the  couch  on  which  she 
poses,  then  smiles  in  a  stagey  way  at  Jerry. 

Jerry.  [Coming  to  her.]  Mrs.  Dean,  this  is  serious. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Contentedly .]  What’s  “serious”? 

Jerry.  On  Saturday  night  Betty  and  I  say  a  fond  fare¬ 
well  to  Dora  and  her  Dilemma. 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


193 


ACT  iv] 


Mrs.  Dean.  What?  Are  you  going  mad? 

Betty.  Yes,  if  being  married  is  going  mad. 

[She  rises  and  goes  to  Jerry. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Married?  Utterly  impossible. 

[Betty  starts  to  talk;  Jerry  quiets  her . 

Jerry.  Let  me  talk,  Betty.  [Betty  retires  and  sits  on 
the  bench  by  the  table.]  Now,  Mrs.  Dean,  you’ve  kept  us 
apart  on  the  plea  that  you  wanted  to  see  Betty  on  Broad¬ 
way.  You  can  take  a  long  lingering  look  at  her  for  five 
more  nights,  and,  of  course,  the  usual  matinees. 

[He  sits  on  the  bench  beside  Betty. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Rising.]  What  do  you  mean? 

Jerry.  Sunday  we’re  married! 

Betty.  No.  today;  I’ll  take  no  more  chances. 

Jerry.  Suits  me,  darling.  Then  on  Sunday  we  start  on 
a  still  hunt  for  that  farm  with  the  chickens  and  the  little 
calf. 

Mrs.  Dean.  I  won’t  permit  it. 

Jerry.  Then  I’m  afraid  we  won’t  wait  for  the  permit. 

[Rosenbaum  bursts  in.  He,  like  Mrs.  Dean,  exudes 
prosperity  in  every  line  of  the  palpably  new  morning 
coat,  silk  hat,  boutonniere  and  gloves .  He  is 
beaming. 

Rosenbaum.  Well,  we  put  it  over.  Didn’t  I  always  say 
it  was  a  great  play? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Oh,  Mr.  Rosenbaum,  I’m  so  glad  you’ve 
come. 

Rosenbaum.  I’d  have  been  here  before,  but  I  was  look¬ 
ing  over  the  plans  for  the  Rosenbaum  Theatre. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Talk  to  these  children.  I  can’t  do  anything 
with  them.  They’re  impossible. 

[She  sits  on  the  couch . 

Rosenbaum.  [Going  to  her.]  You’ve  got  to  make  allow¬ 
ances  after  the  hit  they  made  last  night.  It’s  the  artistic 
temperament. 

Mrs.  Dean.  It’s  rank  nonsense. 

Rosenbaum.  It’s  the  same  thing.  [He  goes  to  Jerry 


194 


THE  SHOW  SHOP 


[act  IV 

and  sits  on  the  chair  beside  the  bench .]  Jerry,  didn’t  I  always 
say  it  took  just  one  fat  part  to  make  a  Broadway  star? 
Find  out  what  they  like  in  your  personality  and  hand  it  to 
them.  When  you  get  old  you  keep  on  handing  it  to  them 
and  they  think  it’s  character  acting. 

Mrs.  Dean.  We’ve  no  time  to  listen  to  your  theories  of 
acting,  even  if  you  had  any.  They  threaten  to  stop  acting 
altogether  on  Saturday  night. 

Rosenbaum.  [Rising.]  What? 

Jerry.  That’s  right. 

[He  rises  and  goes  to  Rosenbaum. 

Rosenbaum.  Never. 

Jerry.  [Threateningly.]  Who’s  going  to  make  me  act? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Nobody  can  do  that,  the  critics  notwith¬ 
standing. 

Rosenbaum.  You  don’t  dare  quit. 

Jerry.  Don’t  I?  You  forget  I  own  this  show. 

Mrs.  Dean.  What?  You? 

[She  rises. 

Jerry.  Yes.  I  put  up  the  money  for  “Dora’s  Dilemma.” 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Indignantly.]  Why  wasn’t  I  told? 

[She  glares  at  Rosenbaum,  who  sneaks  away. 

Jerry.  Because  I  didn’t  want  you  to  feel  under  obliga¬ 
tions  to  me. 

Mrs.  Dean.  Obligations?  To  furnish  a  few  paltry  thou¬ 
sands  to  put  my  daughter  where  she  belongs?  It  was  a 
privilege.  Nevertheless,  it  was  very  generous  of  you.  Betty, 
why  don’t  you  thank  this  noble-hearted  man  for  all  he 
has  done  for  you? 

Betty.  Thank  himl 

Rosenbaum.  [Going  to  Mrs.  Dean.]  Listen  to  her, 
she’s  as  bad  as  Belden.  But  why  expect  gratitude  from 
actors? 

Jerry.  Gratitude  to  you?  [He  goes  to  him  furiously.] 
A.  fat  lot  you’ve  done  for  us.  Where’s  that  failure  you  guar¬ 
anteed  me? 


ACT  IV]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  195 

Rosenbaum.  [ Handing  him  a  check .]  Here’s  your  $5,000. 
I  don’t  need  it. 

Mrs.  Dean.  What’s  this  I  hear  about  failure? 

[Rosenbaum  moves  away  again 0 

Jerry.  He  promised  me  that  it  would  fail.  I  relied  on 
him. 

Mrs.  Dean.  So,  young  man,  you  were  going  to  put  one 
over  on  mother? 

Jerry.  You’ve  put  it  all  over  us.  Let  that  satisfy  you. 
But  don’t  waste  your  time  gloating.  You’d  better  bend  all 
your  energies  to  finding  two  people  to  play  our  parts,  and 
finding  them  quickly. 

[He  picks  up  Betty’s  suit  case .  Betty  joins  him , 
and  they  start  toward  the  door .  Mrs.  Dean  rushes 
to  intercept  them . 

Mrs.  Dean.  You  children  don’t  realise  what  you’re  doing. 
You  can’t  leave  this  cast.  You’re  both  necessary  to  the 
success  of  the  play. 

Rosenbaum.  You  leave  it  and  it  won’t  draw  a  cent. 

Jerry.  We  don’t  need  the  money. 

Rosenbaum.  What  about  me? 

Jerry.  Oh,  you! 

Mrs.  Dean.  What  about  the  others?  You  can’t  stop  the 
run  of  this  play,  throw  all  these  people  out  of  employment. 
Think  of  Effie  and  Johnnie.  Would  you  take  away  their 
livelihood?  Drive  them  back  to  a  life  of  care  and  worry? 
You  can’t  do  that  unless  you’re  both  marked  with  a  wide 
streak  of  yellow. 

Betty.  Jerry,  I  suppose  we  must  think  of  the  others. 

[Jerry  throws  down  the  suit  case  in  disgust .  There  is 
a  slight  pause ,  then  he  advances  on  Rosenbaum  in 
a  jury. 

Jerry.  Why  didn’t  you  tell  me  if  this  was  a  success  I 
could  not  get  out  of  it  without  hurting  other  people?  You 
promised  me  faithfully  that  my  acting  would  kill  it.  Why 
didn’t  you  warn  me  that  I  was  in  danger  of  making  a  hit? 


196  THE  SHOW  SHOP  [act  iv 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  how  did  I  know  you  had  what  gets 
across,  whatever  the  damn  thing  is. 

Jerry.  [Going  to  Mrs.  Dean.]  If  I  stick  to  this  thing - 

[Betty  protests .]  I  don’t  say  I  will.  I’ll  do  it  on  one  con¬ 
dition,  Mrs.  Dean,  that  you  withdraw  your  opposition  to  my 
marriage  with  Betty. 

Rosenbaum.  [Going  to  Jerry.]  You  marry  Betty  over 
my  dead  body. 

Jerry.  [Shaking  his  fist  in  Rosenbaum’s  face.]  Oh,  I’d 
go  to  the  chair  for  you. 

[He  goes  and  sits  on  the  table,  his  back  to  them. 

Betty.  I’ll  play  Dora  and  her  old  Dilemma  with  a  wed¬ 
ding  ring  or  not  at  all. 

[She  joins  Jerry  and  sits  with  her  back  to  them. 

Rosenbaum.  Mrs.  Dean,  are  you  going  to  stand  there 
and  see  them  ruin  me? 

Mrs.  Dean.  Ruin  us? 

Rosenbaum.  Who’s  going  to  pay  $2  to  see  a  man  make 
love  to  his  own  wife?  [He  runs  across.]  Oh,  Betty,  be  rea¬ 
sonable.  I’ll  make  a  great  actress  of  you. 

Mrs.  Dean.  I’ve  done  that  already,  Mr.  Rosenbaum. 

Rosenbaum.  Oh,  Betty,  don’t  do  this!  Stick  to  me!  To 
show  you  the  kind  of  fellow  I  am,  I’ll  let  you  both  do 
Shakespeare. 

Jerry.  [Furiously,  jumping  off  table  and  going  to  Rosen¬ 
baum.]  Shakespeare!  You’ve  done  enough  for  me.  Don’t 
you  think  you  can  put  me  in  tights. 

Betty.  I  have  an  idea.  Why  couldn’t  we  be  married 
quietly? 

Rosenbaum.  [Scornfully.]  Quietly?  What  can  you  do  in 
New  York  quietly? 

Betty.  No  one  need  know. 

Rosenbaum.  The  reporters  would  get  it  in  a  minute. 
There’s  a  bunch  of  them  downstairs  now. 

Jerry.  Why? 

Rosenbaum.  I  brought  them  around  to  interview  you. 

Jerry.  [Going  quickly  to  the  telephone  at  the  end  of  the 


act  iv]  THE  SHOW  SHOP  19? 

desk.]  Hello,  is  this  the  office?  Send  those  reporters  up  to 
Mr.  Belden’s  room  at  once.  Yes,  at  once.  [Betty  looks  at 
Jerry  bewildered ,  Rosie  and  Mrs.  Dean,  horrified.  Jerry 
goes  over  to  them.]  Now  you  listen  to  me.  I’m  willing  to 
think  of  you  and  Effie  and  Johnnie  and  the  others.  I’m 
willing  to  go  on  acting  and  acting  and  acting,  to  serve  my 
sentence,  so  that  you  can  go  on  producing  and  producing 
and  producing.  You  can  do  your  Shakespeare  and  you  can 
do  your  Ibsen  provided  we  can  get  married.  Oh  quietly — 
I’ll  keep  the  marriage  a  secret.  Either  you  do  this  or  I’ll 
give  that  bunch  of  reporters  a  story  of  our  engagement  that 
will  spread  over  the  front  page  of  every  paper  in  this  town. 
Now,  it’s  up  to  you.  [ There  is  a  knock  at  the  door.  He 
lowers  his  voice.]  There  they  are.  Now  think  and  think 
fast. 

Rosenbaum.  [ Whispering .]  What  will  we  do? 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Whispering.]  What  can  we  do? 

Jerry.  [Whispering.]  Come  with  us. 

Mrs.  Dean.  [Whispering.]  Where? 

Jerry.  [Whispering.]  To  the  Little  Church  Around  the 
Corner. 

Rosenbaum.  [Getting  Mrs.  Dean’s  coat  from  the 
couch ,  gives  it  to  her,  whispering.]  For  God’s  sake  go,  but 
go  quietly. 

Jerry.  [Reaching  out  his  hand  to  Mrs.  Dean.]  Come, 
mother. 

[Betty,  Mrs.  Dean  and  Jerry  start  to  the  door  at 
the  left,  walking  on  tiptoes.  Rosenbaum  tiptoes  to 
the  other  door.  The  knocking  becomes  louder.  He 
motions  to  them  to  hurry  and  they  go  smilingly  as 
he  is  about  to  admit  the  reporters. 


THE  END 


JUST  PUBLISHED 

Nothing  But  the  Truth 

A  Farcical  Comedy  in  Three  Acts 
By 

James  Montgomery 
Cast  of  Characters 

Bob  Bennett 
B.  M.  Ralston 
Clarence  Van  Dusea 
Bishop  Doran 
Dick  Donnelly 
Gwen 

Mrs.  Ralston 

Ethel 

Mable 

Sable 

Martha 

SCENES 

ACT  1.  A  Broker's  Office 

ACT  2.  Parlor  of  a  Country  Home 

ACT  3.  **  **  **  ** 

TIME:  The  Present 

“Nothing  But  the  Truth"  is  built  upon  the  simple  Idea 
of  its  hero  speaking  nothing  but  the  absolute  truth  for  a 
stated  period.  He  bets  a  friend  ten  thousand  dollars 
that  he  can  do  it,  and  boldly  tackles  truth  to  win  the 
money.  For  a  very  short  time  the  task  is  placidly  easy, 
but  Truth  routs  out  old  man  Trouble  and  then  things  be¬ 
gin  to  happen.  Trouble  doesn’t  seem  very  large  and 
aggressive  when  he  first  pokes  his  nose  into  the  noble 
resolve  of  our  hero,  but  he  grows  rapidly  and  soon  we 
see  our  dealer  in  truth  disrupting  the  domestic  relations 
of  his  partner.  In  fact.  Trouble  works  overtime,  and 
reputations  that  have  been  Unblemished  are  smirched. 
Situations  that  are  absurd  and  complications  almost 
knotted,  pile  up,  all  credited  to  Truth,  and  the  result  of 
the  wager  to  foster  and  cherish  that  great  virtue  from 
the  lips  of  the  man  who  has  espoused  the  cause  of  truth 
to  win  a  wager. 

It  is  a  novel  idea  and  so  well  has  it  been  worked  out 
that  an  audience  is  kept  in  throes  of  laughter  at  the 
seemingly  impossible  task  to  untangle  snarls  into  which 
our  hero  has  involved  all  those  he  comes  into  contact 
with.  It  is  a  clean  bright  farce  of  well  drawn  character* 
and  was  built  for  laughing  purposes  only. 

William  Collier  played  "Nothing  But  the  Truth”  for  a 
year  at  the  Longacre  Theatre,  New  York,  and  it  has  been 
on  tour  for  over  two  seasons. 

After  three  years  continuous  success  on  the  profess¬ 
ional  stag*e  we  are  now  offering  "Nothing  But  the  Truth” 
for  amateur  production.  It  is  one  of  the  funniest  and 
brightest  farces  ever  written,  and  it  is  admirably  suite* 
ts>  amateur  production. 

Price  6o  Cents 


BILLETED. 

A  comedy  in  3  acts,  by  F.  Tennison  Jesse  and  H.  Harwood.  4  males, 
5  females.  One  easy  interior  scene.  A  charming  comedy,  constructed 
with  uncommon  skill,  and  abounds  with  clever  lines.  Margaret  Anglin’s 
big  success.  Amateurs  will  find  this  comedy  easy  to  produce  and  popular 
with  all  audiences.  Price,  60  Cents. 

NOTHING  BUT  THE  TRUTH. 

A  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  James  Montgomery.  5  males,  6  females.  Cos* 
tumes,  modern.  Two  interior  scenes.  Plays  2J4  hours. 

Is  it  possible  to  tell  the  absolute  truth — even  for  twenty-four  hours?  It  i«— 
*t  least  Bob  Bennett,  the  hero  of  “Nothing  But  the  Truth/*  accomplished  the 
feat.  The  bet  he  made  with  his  business  partners,  and  the  trouble  he  got  into— 
with  his  partners,  his  friends,  and  his  fiancee— this  is  the  subject  of  William 
Collier’s  tremendous  comedy  hit.  “Nothing  But  the  Truth**  can  be  whole-heartedly 
recommended  as  one  of  the  most  sprightly,  amusing  and  popular  comedies  that 
this  country  can  boast.  Price,  60  Cents. 


IN  WALKED  JIMMY. 

A  comedy  in  4  acts,  by  Minnie  Z.  Jaffa.  10  males,  2  females  (although 
any  number  of  males  and  females  may  be  used  as  clerks,  etc.)  Two 
interior  scenes.  Costumes,  modern.  Plays  2l/2  hours.  The  thing  into 
which  Jimmy  walked  was  a  broken-down  shoe  factory,  when  the  clerks 
had  ajl  been  fired,  and  when  the  proprietor  was  in  serious  contemplation 
of  suicide. 

Jimmy,  nothing  else  but  plain  Jimmy,  would  have  been  a  mysterious  figure 
had  it  not  been  for  his  matter-of-fact  manner,  his  smile  and  his  everlasting 
humanness.  He  put  the  shoe  business  on  its  feet,  won  the  heart  of  the  girl 
clerk,  saved  her  erring  brother  from  jail,  escaped  that  place  as  a  permanent 
boarding  house  himself,  and  foiled  the  villain. 

Clean,  wholesome  comedy  with  just  a  touch  of  human  nature,  just  a  dash  of 
excitement  and  more  than  a  little  bit  of  true  philosophy  make  “In  Walked  Jimmy** 
one  of  the  most  delightful  of  plays.  Jimmy  is  full  of  the  religion  of  life,  the 
religion  of  happiness  and  the  religion  of  helpfulness,  and  he  so  permeates  the 
atmosphere  with  his  “religion**  that  everyone  is  happy.  The  spirit  of  optimism, 
good  cheer,  and  hearty  laughter  dominates  the  play.  There  is  not  a  dull  moment 
fin  any  of  the  four  acts.  We  strongly  recommend  it.  Price,  60  Cents. 

MARTHA  BY-THE-DAY. 

An  optimistic  comedy  in  three  acts,  by  Julie  M.  Lippmann,  author  of 
the  “Martha”  stories.  5  males,  5  females.'  Three  interior  scenes.  Cos¬ 
tumes  modern.  Plays  2 y2  hours. 

It  is  altogether  a  gentle  thing,  this  play.  It  is  full  of  quaint  humor,  old- 
fashioned,  homely  sentiment,  the  kind  that  people  who  see  the  play  will  recall 
and  chuckle  over  tomorrow  and  the  next  day. 

Miss  Lippmann  has  herself  adapted  her  very  successful  book  for  stage  service, 
and  in  doing  this  has  selected  from  her  novel  the  most  telling  incidents,  infectious 
comedy  and  homely  sentiment  for  the  play,  and  the  result  is  thoroughly  delightful. 

Price,  60  Cents. 

(The  Above  Are  Subject  to  Royalty  When  Produced) 


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